Time For Change

Freesoul

Member
I woke up today after a terrible porn binge over the past few weeks and I looked in the mirror and told myself "it's time for a change". I am here to start my recovery journey. I will be checking in everyday this week to make it to 1 PMO free week. I appreciate any support along the way. Things are low right now, but I am determined for the first time in a while to pick myself back up.

I have covenant eyes installed on my laptop and iPhone. I have removed other devices from my apartment such as a firestick that will not allow covenant eyes to be installed.

I plan on continuing to go the gym and playing my guitar more to try and fill the negative energy with something positive.
I have installed the Calm app on my phone and plan to begin daily meditation, starting today.

If anyone has ideas for accountability partner that would be great. I will look for options too tho.

I haven't had a girlfriend or sexual partner in a while so I am not sure how my porn use has effected my sex life, but I plan on taking action within the next month or two on meeting someone, but for right now I need to get my head on straight.

I was here a year ago with a 50 day reboot and I started slipping more and more. I decided it was ok to MO when I got nervous on a flatline and that sent me into a bad spiral of binges going 2-3 weeks on and off. The last few months have not been good. I have been watching a lot of porn, sometimes multiple times a day. I decided I needed some help and motivation from this community to get through a successful reboot. All comments and help are welcome.
 

Freesoul

Member
First day down. Ngl it feels great just to be away from PMO for one day. I know that 7-10 days is where things start getting tough, so I am prepping for the storm. One day at a time.
 

Freesoul

Member
Took an L today. Time to fail forward and figure what the trigger was and how to prevent it from happening next time. Didn't think it would be this difficult. I don't feel sorry for myself, just ready to learn.

I believe the trigger was linked to having anxiety today over work and relationships. I am worried for my final report and I am also worried about how long it has been since I have had a sexual relationship with anyone and I am nervous I am going to fail when I do have a chance with someone... so I resorted to PMO. I couldn't watch porn due to the restrictions I placed, but I still found a way to MO.

Round 2. I am gonna be joining a support group with JK Emezi to get actual support from a group of guys who have fought this.
 
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