Here to vent - frustrated and tired

[Lemthewiser]

June 1st, 2021.

Somehow I've ended up back on this forum, venting about my frustrations with PIED and performance anxiety AGAIN . I really can't believe it. I can't believe I let myself down again. I feel like I've wasted so much time dealing with this, and I am continuing to waste so much of my life dealing with this bs. I feel as low now as I ever did before.

Some context -- I went 90 days hard mode at the beginning of the year. And from April up until the end of May I felt amazing. Not an anxious thought or worry related to my performance in bed. I felt truly myself and I was making up for lost time if you know what I mean. And now here I am again, one mistake, one slip up, and I feel as anxious, as nervous, as stressed, and as worried about the time it will take for me to reach that point again. I didn't even look at porn in the traditional sense. I was feeling so good, a sexual partner and I made a video. And I watched that and we shared some other x rated photos with each other. Ever since then I have been feeling terrible. I can't stop thinking about how low I feel and how I will miss out on truly enjoying this summer because of this. I've really messed up again smh and it makes me sad. I am turning 30 in August and I hope that I can beat this for good by then. I really don't want to bring this into the next decade of my life. Hoping this post will be therapeutic in some way and clear my head.

Here I am again, going to pick myself back up and try again.
Thanks for reading...stay vigilant and protect yourself. Porn is really not worth it.

LTW

 

[Fappy]

90 days hard mode is great. how did you get that far? why not do it again!? yeah venting helps i think.
porn is not worth it, in no way or form is porn worth anything. its as worthless as the scumbags and sluts that star in them or make money off them from amateur sites - not even worth giving them the time of day!

 

[PKCowned]

June 1st, 2021.

Somehow I've ended up back on this forum, venting about my frustrations with PIED and performance anxiety AGAIN . I really can't believe it. I can't believe I let myself down again. I feel like I've wasted so much time dealing with this, and I am continuing to waste so much of my life dealing with this bs. I feel as low now as I ever did before.

Some context -- I went 90 days hard mode at the beginning of the year. And from April up until the end of May I felt amazing. Not an anxious thought or worry related to my performance in bed. I felt truly myself and I was making up for lost time if you know what I mean. And now here I am again, one mistake, one slip up, and I feel as anxious, as nervous, as stressed, and as worried about the time it will take for me to reach that point again. I didn't even look at porn in the traditional sense. I was feeling so good, a sexual partner and I made a video. And I watched that and we shared some other x rated photos with each other. Ever since then I have been feeling terrible. I can't stop thinking about how low I feel and how I will miss out on truly enjoying this summer because of this. I've really messed up again smh and it makes me sad. I am turning 30 in August and I hope that I can beat this for good by then. I really don't want to bring this into the next decade of my life. Hoping this post will be therapeutic in some way and clear my head.

Here I am again, going to pick myself back up and try again.
Thanks for reading...stay vigilant and protect yourself. Porn is really not worth it.

LTW

Bro don’t beat yourself up. But be realistic also with yourself. 90 days to heal is beyond a myth. The average person who used porn for more than 5/6 years need 90 days to just simply weaken the pathways in their brain conditioned by porn. I imagine you still have a years worth of healing to go (benefits grow, you don’t just wake up healed) and so exposing yourself to home made porn and fantasizing reactivated your body’s stress hormones. Don’t fret, just learn and refocus. You got this, august is doable for sure!

 

[Lemthewiser]

Today marks 1 month. I am feeling a little better but overall its been a roller coaster. I was able to have a sexual experience but I made sure not to cum. That made me feel good temporarily. Some days good, some days bad. I tried not to let the negative thoughts get to me. I feel like its summer time and everywhere I look I just feel like I'm missing out on the fun do to how I'm feeling and wanting to avoid being in a situation where I have to bare what I'm experiencing. I am going to ride this out until the atleast mid August. I think I'm going to avoid IG and anything else that isn't conducive to feeling great.

LTW

 

[matt95]

Today marks 1 month. I am feeling a little better but overall its been a roller coaster. I was able to have a sexual experience but I made sure not to cum. That made me feel good temporarily. Some days good, some days bad. I tried not to let the negative thoughts get to me. I feel like its summer time and everywhere I look I just feel like I'm missing out on the fun do to how I'm feeling and wanting to avoid being in a situation where I have to bare what I'm experiencing. I am going to ride this out until the atleast mid August. I think I'm going to avoid IG and anything else that isn't conducive to feeling great.

LTW

Good for you Lemthewiser! I'm curious, what are your thoughts on O versus O'ing occasionally versus no O'ing at all during a reboot? Did you feel like when you hit 90 days of hardmode the lack of O made a difference?

Venting here is for sure helpful! And August is not too far away! Keep your eyes on the prize!

 

[Lemthewiser]

Good for you Lemthewiser! I'm curious, what are your thoughts on O versus O'ing occasionally versus no O'ing at all during a reboot? Did you feel like when you hit 90 days of hardmode the lack of O made a difference?

Venting here is for sure helpful! And August is not too far away! Keep your eyes on the prize!

I found the only real way I dramatically improved to the point where I felt totally fine was avoiding O, going full hard mode, for 90+ days. When you do that, you won't have to question if you've done enough. You will just know based on how your body feels, how you feel. Its one of the best feelings.

 

[matt95]

I found the only real way I dramatically improved to the point where I felt totally fine was avoiding O, going full hard mode, for 90+ days. When you do that, you won't have to question if you've done enough. You will just know based on how your body feels, how you feel. Its one of the best feelings.

Thank you for the advice! I am trying to navigate rebooting with a partner and am trying to figure out how to strike the right balance myself. It's all very confusing about what is and isn't best to do. Do you think messing around while avoiding O is alright? Have you tried Karezza?

When I read your post I understood completely, I've been in the same boat. I've been struggling but trying to vent on this forum has been great!

 

[Lemthewiser]

Thank you for the advice! I am trying to navigate rebooting with a partner and am trying to figure out how to strike the right balance myself. It's all very confusing about what is and isn't best to do. Do you think messing around while avoiding O is alright? Have you tried Karezza?

When I read your post I understood completely, I've been in the same boat. I've been struggling but trying to vent on this forum has been great!

In my experience, rebooting is hard, and doing it with a partner was difficult as well due to all the pressure I put on myself. But looking back on it, I had a partner that was truly understanding and the pressure I put on myself wasn’t necessary. In actuality that fact that I had an understanding partner was a blessing, she was willing to engage in a modified version of sex that allowed me to avoid O, but also really helped me build confidence and rewire my brain to a real woman.

I don’t know if it was Karezza exactly, but we would engage in sex and when I felt like it was getting to intense and I might O, we would slow down or stop for a bit, and I would just focus on making her feel good. Rebooting is hard enough, if you don’t have to go it alone, don’t!