5 and a half months hard mode...

A

abc987

Member
Hello fellow rebooters!


I’m now 5 and a half months hard mode into my reboot and at this point I thought it would be wise to ask for some advise. First off I’m going to briefly sum my reboot process so far – lets start:

I started my reboot at the very end of last year because of pied and related brain changes, which probably at least partly caused my low motivation, anxiety and so on. In the beginning I didn’t have any morning wood, no erections, non-existent libido. The morning wood started to come back about 1 month into my reboot, but it wasn’t even close to being fully erect at that time (~50%). Then at around month 2 I had a very sexual dream about a real girl I had liked and my libido come back for one day. E.g I got a very hard erection just by seeing a beautiful girl at a swimming bath. The next day my erections and libido went on a vacation again.

Fast forward a couple months and I have noticed that I have started to have really vivid dreams when I sleep enough (8-9 hours). I have read that dreams and REM sleep are triggered by dopaminergic activation in the brain so I count that as a good sign. The problem is that I now happen to wake up briefly a couple of times in the early morning (4 am, 6 am) before it is finally time for me to wake up. When I finally do wake up I usually feel extremely groggy and slightly depressed. I have also noticed that my morning wood isn’t as strong as a couple of weeks back (only 50%), while my night time wood is at full 100%. I also feel excessively sleepy during daytime and I often have to take a nap in the afternoon to feel fully rested.

Now recently I met a girl at my workplace and I noticed I got a semi erection just from talking to her. The very next day I saw her again I felt totally asexual again and hadn’t any interest in her. A couple of days forward again and we “accidentally” touch each other and I felt for the first time in years what must have been a hint of libido. There where a strong pull to just go up and talk to her and get to know her. I also started to get sexual fantasies for a couple of days but now my libido is lower again and I can’t get more that 25% erected by fantasy alone. Another thing that I noticed is that she started to flirt with me on the phone (nothing too sexual) and I immediately started to release huge amounts of precum. I also got slightly foggy afterwards. I really doubt this is how people normally respond in these situations. Finally I have also noticed that my flaccid penis looks slightly more full and that my balls aren’t as shriveled up as before.

This whole progress is really such a roller coaster ride. I actually have no idea where in the rebooting process I am at the moment and that’s why I decided to post here. Do you have any suggestions for me going forward? By the way, I have been doing no PMO/fantasy so do you thing I should continue to avoid sexual fantasy? I somehow feel that sexual fantasy sets me back slightly but I don’t know for sure. Or should I try to start rewiring with a girl even though I don’t feel like it most of the time? And do you think these symptoms stems from the brain rewiring itself? Any advise is welcome!
 
Fappy

Fappy

Respected Member
Congrats on the 5 months! Thats one hell of a good score.
It sounds like youre still sensitive to certain things, despite your impressive streak. Yeah it could be a hangover from the reboot process.
Although i cant say for certain, but the very fact that you have these uncomfortable feelings might be a sign that youre still not ready to slam that girl or fantasize about doing such just yet. Any nagging thoughts in the back of your mind like this are symptoms of some continuing internal struggle that is causing you to doubt.
Give it a little more time and see how you feel, and dont rush it!
 
P

PKCowned

Member
I know for me, I am now able to get erections after a few minutes of fooling around that last and come back the same night after O. I am almost 160 days hard mode.

I do mentally recognize I have a libido now.. however I don’t really fantasize about sex at all anymore, it serves no purpose and I’m realizing it is actually bad for recovery.

I get hard when it matters, and usually for the next day or two after sex if I do happen to fantasize I can get hard from thought. Otherwise it takes effort to get hard from fantasy and it is actually bad for your recovery so it probably should be avoided, at least doing it on purpose
 
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A

abc987

Member
Fappy said:
Congrats on the 5 months! Thats one hell of a good score.
It sounds like youre still sensitive to certain things, despite your impressive streak. Yeah it could be a hangover from the reboot process.
Although i cant say for certain, but the very fact that you have these uncomfortable feelings might be a sign that youre still not ready to slam that girl or fantasize about doing such just yet. Any nagging thoughts in the back of your mind like this are symptoms of some continuing internal struggle that is causing you to doubt.
Give it a little more time and see how you feel, and dont rush it!
Click to expand...
Yeah your probably right that I just need more time! So do you think it would be better to just wait out this flatline until my libido naturally recovers? Or should I try to rewire with a girl even though my libido isn't totally stable yet? I think the first aproach focuses on the desensitization and the second on the sexual conditioning part. I'm a bit confused when it comes to choosing the right way to reboot going forward.
 
A

abc987

Member
PKCowned said:
I know for me, I am now able to get erections after a few minutes of fooling around that last and come back the same night after O. I am almost 160 days hard mode.

I do mentally recognize I have a libido now.. however I don’t really fantasize about sex at all anymore, it serves no purpose and I’m realizing it is actually bad for recovery.

I get hard when it matters, and usually for the next day or two if I do happen to fantasize I can get hard from thought. Otherwise it takes effort to get hard from fantasy and it is actually bad for your recovery so it probably should be avoided, at least doing it on purpose
Click to expand...
Congrats on your long streak! As you said it's probably best to avoid excessive fantasy as it's most likely not helpful for recovery and serves no meaningful purpose in real life. Do you btw think rewiring has speed up your rebooting precess?
 
P

PKCowned

Member
Expmoaddict said:
Hard mode with sex and orgasm? That's not hard mode bro. But my situation is often like yours, at 208 days, i can get an ok erection for sex, but it takes effort and time. Much better than before nofap, even i got an erection, it just goes away instantly
Click to expand...
Holding ourselves to strict behavior patterns in my opinion defeats the entire point of rebooting. yes, I do not PMO, I do not fantasize, I don’t M and when fooling around with my fiancé I avoid O for the most part. But If you wanted to HM for 180 days but can have sex intermittently at days 90 and 140, how can that really hurt your progress? At some point you have to step out of the abstinence and work into replacement of old habits and belief systems with new, healthy and constructive patterns in life and sex. I live hard mode, but will have sex when I can, that’s why I began hard mode in the first place.

you are already showing signs of progress! Be proud of the fact you are defeating something that has affected you, and continue on the path. I bet the next 90 days will really showcase the healthy development you are making. Always here if you wanna talk man, and best of luck for you!
 
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P

PKCowned

Member
abc987 said:
Congrats on your long streak! As you said it's probably best to avoid excessive fantasy as it's most likely not helpful for recovery and serves no meaningful purpose in real life. Do you btw think rewiring has speed up your rebooting precess?
Click to expand...
I think it plays a small part, but it is still necessary. Think of it like a house of cards. Rewiring is simply one card that placed together helps build the overall house. The house of cards is our new, healthy and happy self. This goes beyond just having sex, it’s a new respect for yourself and partners, it’s rebuilding outlets, behaviors and hobbies that were delayed, damaged or forgotten by PMO, and new ways to deal with outside stress that does not revolve around immediate gratification. The reboot rebuilds your entire self, and yes, if done correctly it also fixes your ability to have healthy and happy sexual interactions.

rewire if you can, but if you can’t, focus on the other areas of the recovery that I think are usually not focused on - yourself, what makes you happy like hobbies or side projects and what you need to do that you have put off that stressed you out (ignoring bills, not going to the dentist etc). You’ll find that as you work on these you become more attractive to potential partners and more comfortable with yourself, which at some point will give you more opportunities for rewiring.
 
Fappy

Fappy

Respected Member
abc987 said:
Yeah your probably right that I just need more time! So do you think it would be better to just wait out this flatline until my libido naturally recovers? Or should I try to rewire with a girl even though my libido isn't totally stable yet? I think the first aproach focuses on the desensitization and the second on the sexual conditioning part. I'm a bit confused when it comes to choosing the right way to reboot going forward.
Click to expand...
Well, those are good questions! If you wanted to be double-super-safety sure, then just wait it out, it will naturally recover and youll know it when it does.
If you do decide to rewire with a girl, take it slowly. By that I mean dont try to get rock hard and shove it up her as quickly as possible just to prove something to yourself. It might be a good idea to just make out first, concentrating on those feelings of sexual intimacy. Also touching, etc, without actual penetration of any orifices. This, at least for me, I found kickstarted my libido.
The only right way to reboot is to stop PMO, your brain and body will pick up the rest. simple is best!
 
A

abc987

Member
PKCowned said:
I think it plays a small part, but it is still necessary. Think of it like a house of cards. Rewiring is simply one card that placed together helps build the overall house. The house of cards is our new, healthy and happy self. This goes beyond just having sex, it’s a new respect for yourself and partners, it’s rebuilding outlets, behaviors and hobbies that were delayed, damaged or forgotten by PMO, and new ways to deal with outside stress that does not revolve around immediate gratification. The reboot rebuilds your entire self, and yes, if done correctly it also fixes your ability to have healthy and happy sexual interactions.

rewire if you can, but if you can’t, focus on the other areas of the recovery that I think are usually not focused on - yourself, what makes you happy like hobbies or side projects and what you need to do that you have put off that stressed you out (ignoring bills, not going to the dentist etc). You’ll find that as you work on these you become more attractive to potential partners and more comfortable with yourself, which at some point will give you more opportunities for rewiring.
Click to expand...
Thanks, really liked your house of cards analogy! You'r right that the whole reboot process include so much more than just pied related recovery e.g. how we handle our bad emotions without escaping to pmo. It has definitely been a lot of work to change these ingrained behavioral patterns! I have by the way also picked up my old music hobby, really enjoying it!
 
A

abc987

Member
Fappy said:
Well, those are good questions! If you wanted to be double-super-safety sure, then just wait it out, it will naturally recover and youll know it when it does.
If you do decide to rewire with a girl, take it slowly. By that I mean dont try to get rock hard and shove it up her as quickly as possible just to prove something to yourself. It might be a good idea to just make out first, concentrating on those feelings of sexual intimacy. Also touching, etc, without actual penetration of any orifices. This, at least for me, I found kickstarted my libido.
The only right way to reboot is to stop PMO, your brain and body will pick up the rest. simple is best!
Click to expand...
Thanks for the reply! It sounds that I just have to wait for some more months. I have definitely seen progress regarding pied during this streak but it's still not were I would like it to be. I guess time will heal. If the situation arises I will focus on cuddling and sexual intimacy instead of penetration as you recommended!
 
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