I cant do it

[BingoTreat]

Guys,
I just cant do this. I've tried and I've tried but I keep failing. Truth is I love sexuality and porn is my only outlet. No girl will ever want to go out with me, thats for sure because I'm too f'd up and not attractive. So the real question I always come back to is why would I give up sexuality even if it's just porn??
I just cant do this. Has anyone else been in my position?

 

[Username]

Has anyone else been in my position?

I'm sure that a lot of guys have. A lot. But of course you don't see that when you're feeling down and depressed.

No girl will ever want to go out with me, thats for sure because I'm too f'd up and not attractive.

Well, I'm not exactly an Adonis myself. I could give you list with dozens of things about my body that annoy me every time I look into the mirror. But how would that be helpful? Instead, I focus on the things I'm proud of. You should learn to do that too.
Women are not all into looks, you know. Some, if not many, focus on other qualities. Have you ever read a women's magazine? Guess what, the top ranks for attractive attributes about men are always sense of humour, gentleness, honesty, thoughtfulness. Not a word about looks. As long as you make a woman feel good about her- and yourself when your with her, you're in. So you might want to work on that "fucked up" part.
Statements like yours above won't help you. And you know that as well, don't you? Self-pity is very tempting but has never helped anyone. Remind yourself of that.

 

[BingoTreat]

That's some powerful thought. Thank you. I didn't even realize it was self pity. I thought I was just stating a fact but you're right. I appreciate you pointing it out...so I have to use better words.

Let me just ask, is it even possible to go on for a full year without PMO? I mean won't my parts explode or stop working for good?

Is it healthy to not ejaculate for 6 months or more?

 

[grego]

Yes it's possible.  Man wasn't designed to rely on porn  so it's perfectly possible and a very good idea to go without pmo for a year.  Better yet, it's a good idea to cut it out of your life, period.  And no you won't explode from not jacking off lmao.  As kids we never jacked off yet we were perfectly fine.  Btw your body also releases excess semen during wet dreams so there's a natural way for your body to get rid of it anyway.   

 

[doneatlast]

Well said grego.

Bingo, I think you might get too hung up on where you said "Truth is I love sexuality and porn is my only outlet." ... Sex is an appetite, and our appetites develop based on what we feed it.  That is precisely why porn never satisfies.  Our appetites for "sexuality" are phenomenally strong because of all of the porn.  Of course, this leads us to a catch 22 where we can't quite get out of the loop, but knowing that our sexual desires aren't inert gives hope.  I also kills the theory that porn is good for us because it is a release valve of sorts.  It isn't.

Plus, porn isn't sexuality.  It is a distortion of it.  Watching porn when you crave intimacy is like eating dirt when you're hungry.

 

[toxicviper23]

Nobody seems to understand attractiveness...  Everyone thinks it depends on the genetic programming of your face or something..  It's sex energy.    It's less about face anyway.  I've seen girls with a structurally ugly face but for some reason, I'm drawn to them.  It's natural magnetism. 


Attractiveness is the energy you project.  Maybe your ugly as of right now, but it can change. 



Quit PMO and masturbation and you will get girls.  It takes months but trust me.  With enough sexual force built up inside of you, it will change your nature. 


One day you may randomly decide to start hitting the gym, it will be an unconscious urge.  Eventually you will have a nice body and women will beg you to fuck them. 


I'm telling you, guy aren't designed to go around masturbating.    Only time you ejaculate should be inside of a girl! 


Don't decide after 2 months that I'm wrong...  Part of the problem is your PMO brain.  I promise you, quit porn and masturbation for good.  It may take 9 months or over a year, but after your rebooted, getting girls will come naturally without effort. 

 

[BingoTreat]

I like what I'm hearing.
I'm quite scared. This is a big change for me and giving up something I enjoy isn't easy but I think I have sufficient reason to close the door and never look back.

Maybe I CAN do it...

So you guys are all certain that not jacking off isnt unhealthy? How long will it be till I start having wet dreams? It seems like that's a milestone.

 

[doneatlast]

I looked into the safety thing a while ago because the pains I get are epic... it isn't dangerous at all.  There is no evidence of anyone having any damage to themselves or their organs.  The body will seek equilibrium on its own.  It takes longer for some than for others.

 

[vispren]

Hey there.

If you keep rebooting, sooner or later, your mojo will make you chase after girls, which is desirable for two reasons:

1. You'll get to try real sex

2. You'll find out the real extent of your porn problems

I will tell you what I told a couple of other people who are in a same/similar situation:

You are not using porn because you're addicted to it. You're addicted to porn because something in your life sucks and sucks bad. We're all here because of that notion. Now, you being a virgin isn't necessarily a bad thing. I can only give a bag of respect to you, as you've recognized your porn use is a problem on your own and without any sexual experience (or fiascos) . That is huge and something I could never do. It took me over a decade to pinpoint what the hell was wrong with me. Now, well into my first reboot attempt, I can't really think of a single reason why you should not try it. The positives outweigh the negative by a long shot.

It's up to you, though

 

[jkkk]

Hey BingoTreat,

You can. Here's the recipe.

1. This thread:

http://legacy.rebootnation.org/index.php?topic=1256.0

2. Print it.

3. Read it.

4. Put it into action.

5. Get back and tell us whether it helped

Keep on fighting. You have any questions - feel free to PM me.

 

[Datnewguy]

Look man, as much as a reboot can help you in many ways, I think what you need is an ego boost.
If you are uncomfortable with your body, work out like a MF! I went from slim to fat to fit to fat to slim again.. Working out works wonders, I promise!
If you are unhappy with your face, do something about your hair and overall style, facial hair can also help, unless its the patchy kind. Ask a girl to help you make the most out of you! Listen to her, she knows best!
If you are unhappy with your character, well there's a thousand things you can do. I guess you'll figure it out.
In other words, there are many things you could do to look and feel better, and I know some really unattractive guys that scored really hot chicks just because they are very confident and outgoing. Build on your self first, then work on your confidence. You will find a girl!
And while your at it, cut out the fapping, to get more motivation

 

[toxicviper23]

I like what I'm hearing.
I'm quite scared. This is a big change for me and giving up something I enjoy isn't easy but I think I have sufficient reason to close the door and never look back.

Maybe I CAN do it...

So you guys are all certain that not jacking off isnt unhealthy? How long will it be till I start having wet dreams? It seems like that's a milestone.

Ejaculation isn't a necessity. I don't know when WD will start, it depends on your own body.  I rarely have them now.  I don't plan on masturbating ever again.  Besides, if there is too much buildup, your body will expel the excess in wet dreams.   

You ever notice how animals seem to mate effortlessly?  They are in their natural state.    I'm telling you man, it's completely unnatural to be unable to find sex.  You weren't put on this planet to sit on the sidelines and watch everyone else fucking girls. 


Quitting porn and masturbation will be the single best thing you ever did for yourself.  Once you're completely rebooted and you find yourself inside an attractive girl, porn will be the last thing you care about. 


It will take time dude.. I've been rebooting for 22 months because of my relapsing.  I've never got this far before.  Withdrawal will suck but just remember it takes a long time, and when you're rebooted you will feel like a god. 

Sex and socializing will come naturally.  No effort, you will randomly find yourself in sexual encounters.  Talking to girls will be subconscious and completely effortless.  Quit porn and masturbating and nature will take it's course

 

[BingoTreat]

Guys,
Thanks so much for your support. Really! You just blown all my thinking out of the water.
So today is my second day and now I know that I dont actually need to do what I've been doing for health reasons. This makes a MASSIVE difference in my mindset.
Really appreciate your support and I'll start to think about how I can make myself desirable by women. If you know of any resources please let me know.
Thanks again!
Day 2 and counting...

 

[persian29]

u can do it. just try not to think about it. dont even visit this forum.

 

[Promise]

I'm not in agreement that ignoring the problem completely is a good idea.  We must strike a balance, don't think about it all the time or it'll drive you crazy, but always be noting what triggers you, how you're feeling, what makes you feel better etc.

 

[jjhh]

So the real question I always come back to is why would I give up sexuality even if it's just porn??

Look back at your history with porn and ask yourself:
Has porn improved my life? Has it made me happy?

 

[Mbg]

Perhaps this forum isn't enough for you?  If you are trying and continuing to relapse then perhaps you need additional support.  Have you considered sex addicts anonymous?  It has helped me tremendously.  I'm sure many on here are irritated by how much I promote this program but the truth is, I wouldn't be sober for as long as I have been without it.  Don't give up and don't give in, even without an intimate relationship, you are not alone. 

 

[BingoTreat]

So I guess it's been 5 days now and I'm doing just fine. It's not even a though. I just wanted to thank everyone who commented because I feel that you guys were able to help me by answering my genuine questions about this entire process. Thanks everyone. I might stop by again at some point and say hi, otherwise I'll take the advice from persian29 and just do my own thing and not think about it.
It's clear that we all have our own path and our own ways to deal with this and I've learned that we just need to listen to advice and see which one makes the most sense to us.
I really appreciate you guys!

 

[Blue80]

I think the first week is the hardest, you'd be surpised how much you've achieved already.

When you struggle, think of it like this:

The longer you stay away from porn, the more you will notice a mental disconnect between females and the related urges. Chase that incredible sense of freedom, which I guarantee will happen.

I honesly think a woman, consciously or sub-consciously can spot a "user" a mile off. The awkwardness is not the same as that of a shy person. Think of it that way; women know something isn't quite right with you.

Eventually you will get to a point of nonchalance when talking to any female, while you are getting there, observe your male friends / colleague's interrations with females and over time you'll even be able to spot "users" yourself.

 

[Username]

Good to see that you give it a serious try, congratulations! Let us know what is happening in your life, writing that down (well...typing) is also a very mighty instrument to reflect on your progress.
Also, you might want to change that title? ,-)