PMO as a mask for anxiety

[DickPalmer]

Hi,

I'm trying to quit PMO at a pretty senior age of 52, having used porn for close to 35 years and internet porn for around 20 years, so it's no easy task.

I have an avoidant attachment (https://www.verywellmind.com/attachment-styles-2795344), mainly I think because my mother had PND. As a result, I believe I have anxiety, in the same way that my mother did, but have masked it for years because the PMO, whether with porn or not, has 'masked' my anxiety, i.e. PMO has helped me to regulate my stress and anxiety, but now that I have taken it away, the anxiety feels absolutely dreadful. I have quit because of damage to my relationships caused by porn (I have a divorce to contemplate), but now find that the very thing I was using to manage my anxiety is the very thing I can't use, or more accurately what I could use but am working really hard NOT to use.

Has anyone else got any experience of managing anxiety and stress with PMO, and how did you cope with the anxiety when you quit?

Dick Palmer's Porn Site

Because Winners DO Quit! How I gave up porn to save my life

dickpalmerspornsite.wordpress.com

 

[Fappy]

Hi, i think youll find that the anxiety drastically decreses as you progress in your reboot. there may be another root cause for your particular anxiety, but pmo does nothing to help it. its likely made it a whole lot worse. youve been essentailly treating an existing anxiety disorder with something that cuases and feeds even more anxiety! if you get rid of the secondary cause, the pmo, you feel alot lighter and more capable to dealing with the other anxiety.

 

[journeytopeace]

Hi mate,
I struggle with anxiety and it definitely seems worse when quitting. This is not my first attempt but will be the last as I feel I am much better prepared than any previous attempts. When I feel my anxiety kicking in I practice some deep breathing techniques very similar to meditation. I stop what I am doing and find a place to myself and focus on my deep breaths in and out. It sounds silly out loud but it really works for me. I do this until I feel calm sometimes five minutes sometimes 15 minutes. I will usually take a 10 or 15 minute walk after this and just focus on my surroundings and what's around me and try and soak up some sun. To summarize I stop, breathe, relax then move. May not work for you but helps me a lot! Best of luck.

 

[DickPalmer]

Hi both, I really appreciate your replies on this, although only small in number they do back up what I'd been feeling was likely to be the case, i.e. that my anxiety was hidden by PMO and I've essentially given myself double the issue to deal with by quitting, but I am feeling resolute and even angry towards my compulsion, which makes it easier in my mind to resist and say "I'm not doing this any more".

Wrote something about it again today: https://wordpress.com/post/dickpalmerspornsite.wordpress.com/56

 

[46and2]

Dick I suppose I'm as much as an expert on this as anyone else I suppose (That is to say any info I might have is anecdotal) but it seems likely to me that many compulsive or addictive behaviours are deeply rooted in a desire to soothe or drown out feelings of anxiety. I watch quite a lot of Russell Brand (I highly recommend him as he speaks quite openly with his many various addictions including pornography) and He's said it can be useful for us to figure out what exactly did our addictions help us with? Now let me be clear, this isn't to say that PMO is a useful tool, all of us who are seeking recovery know that....instead the question is posed as a way of understanding where our initial impulse to binge on porn began with. Clearly there was something in us that needed to be dulled. I think the longer you remain clean these things become clearer to you. The difficult part is encountering these feelings once again without the reliance on porn....but imagine if we sit through our compulsions in every moment (because the moment is all we have)...what sits on the other side of it. Stay strong brother!

 

[DickPalmer]

Dick I suppose I'm as much as an expert on this as anyone else I suppose (That is to say any info I might have is anecdotal) but it seems likely to me that many compulsive or addictive behaviours are deeply rooted in a desire to soothe or drown out feelings of anxiety. I watch quite a lot of Russell Brand (I highly recommend him as he speaks quite openly with his many various addictions including pornography) and He's said it can be useful for us to figure out what exactly did our addictions help us with? Now let me be clear, this isn't to say that PMO is a useful tool, all of us who are seeking recovery know that....instead the question is posed as a way of understanding where our initial impulse to binge on porn began with. Clearly there was something in us that needed to be dulled. I think the longer you remain clean these things become clearer to you. The difficult part is encountering these feelings once again without the reliance on porn....but imagine if we sit through our compulsions in every moment (because the moment is all we have)...what sits on the other side of it. Stay strong brother!

I've watched some of Russell Brand too, and as much as people don't give him much credence I am at a loss as to explain why. As someone who has had experiences with various addictive behaviours, listening to him seems to me a wise thing to do.

I agree about sitting through the compulsion and find the strength to resist. That's quite a powerful force you're facing down, and if you can do that, there is much to be positive about.