the_mountain_goat
Active Member
Day 103
Hi!
I'm sort of new here. I've been struggling with this for a while now. And for the past few months, I've been going through a new, successful strategy, as I realized I was usually quite good at staying away from P - but had to spend some time rebuilding my confidence (real PA - Performance Anxiety) for sex with a real partner.
Also what has REALLY helped is to try to stop counting days only, by using the app Year in Pixel: it's a better way to look at progress, it's less linear and demotivating than counting days! If you relapse, you get a yellow box, but you still see all the green boxes before!
See screenshots below!
Thus I really focused on getting P out of my system, and to allow myself some healthy MO from time to time, which has worked for the last 103 days (once every 10-14 days!). At Day 30, I started seeing someone with whom "real" sex was nice (real sex which replaced the occasional MO).
Although my Performance Anxiety is still present, I'm slowly rebuilding my confidence, and sometimes, it's hard to get hard, because I think about it too much.
The big thing I need to work on is meditation and the ability to let go of my "negative" thoughts, which do pollute my capacity to be fully present -and thus, aroused- during sex. Polluting thoughts like "oh, you might not get aroused again!" are something I struggle with quite a lot. I try to get into a habit of meditating daily (helps your mind focus on the moment, also allows you to let go of polluting thoughts) but it's not always easy!
For the last 60 days or so it's been very helpful to have a girl in my life: it's a good motivation to stay clean, and real sex is quite satisfying and fun anyways! The problem now is that the girlfriend will be gone for nearly two months, and I sense creeping thoughts coming in like "ohhh, it wouldn't hurt to have some fun with porn..." "ohhhh, it's just a different kind of fun so why not...?".
It's not going to be easy to be "on my own" for these two coming months. I'm trying to remind myself that porn really doesn't give me the same pleasure as a real partner. I think porn does give my brain a higher level of stimulation, like a drug makes life more vivid, but just for a short period of time, after which that feeling is gone and life almost feels dull. While a real partner, although not necessarily as stimulating, also offers a sense of intimacy, love, tenderness, and it goes beyond just sex...
So.... I will try to remind myself of these things in the coming weeks, with your support, feeling like I will be in a vulnerable place! I really wouldn't want to relapse, given I've made so much progress!
Cheers guys!
Hi!
I'm sort of new here. I've been struggling with this for a while now. And for the past few months, I've been going through a new, successful strategy, as I realized I was usually quite good at staying away from P - but had to spend some time rebuilding my confidence (real PA - Performance Anxiety) for sex with a real partner.
Also what has REALLY helped is to try to stop counting days only, by using the app Year in Pixel: it's a better way to look at progress, it's less linear and demotivating than counting days! If you relapse, you get a yellow box, but you still see all the green boxes before!
See screenshots below!Thus I really focused on getting P out of my system, and to allow myself some healthy MO from time to time, which has worked for the last 103 days (once every 10-14 days!). At Day 30, I started seeing someone with whom "real" sex was nice (real sex which replaced the occasional MO).
Although my Performance Anxiety is still present, I'm slowly rebuilding my confidence, and sometimes, it's hard to get hard, because I think about it too much.
The big thing I need to work on is meditation and the ability to let go of my "negative" thoughts, which do pollute my capacity to be fully present -and thus, aroused- during sex. Polluting thoughts like "oh, you might not get aroused again!" are something I struggle with quite a lot. I try to get into a habit of meditating daily (helps your mind focus on the moment, also allows you to let go of polluting thoughts) but it's not always easy!
For the last 60 days or so it's been very helpful to have a girl in my life: it's a good motivation to stay clean, and real sex is quite satisfying and fun anyways! The problem now is that the girlfriend will be gone for nearly two months, and I sense creeping thoughts coming in like "ohhh, it wouldn't hurt to have some fun with porn..." "ohhhh, it's just a different kind of fun so why not...?".
It's not going to be easy to be "on my own" for these two coming months. I'm trying to remind myself that porn really doesn't give me the same pleasure as a real partner. I think porn does give my brain a higher level of stimulation, like a drug makes life more vivid, but just for a short period of time, after which that feeling is gone and life almost feels dull. While a real partner, although not necessarily as stimulating, also offers a sense of intimacy, love, tenderness, and it goes beyond just sex...
So.... I will try to remind myself of these things in the coming weeks, with your support, feeling like I will be in a vulnerable place! I really wouldn't want to relapse, given I've made so much progress!
Cheers guys!
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