You are going to be OK.
The problem is a very small, easily understood, brain issue.
Human brains have evolved--if you prefer to say God made them this way, that is OK as well--to instinctually want two things, whether we want them or not: sex and food. We share that want with all mammals. On some level we may not want either, but the human brain rewards seeking both and getting both. So, with sex, having sex results in a brain reward, that feels very good. But, around 2007 humanity invented High Speed Internet. About a second after that humanity invented High Speed Internet Porn. Start with this concept: all addictions are human inventions. Addiction does not occur naturally, in nature, because it would be a negative survival trait. Getting a brain reward, aka a dopamine high, is a successful survival trait in nature, and we get that not only from having sex, but from thinking about sex, because thinking about sex often leads to the real thing, and the real thing often leads to the successful survival trait that all successful species have as their core survival trait: reproduction, making babies. The most successful survival trait any species has is the ability to recreate themselves. So, we have "liked" sex, and "liked" thinking about sex for millions of years--or since God made us if that is your paradigm. When I use the word "like" I am specifically referring to the dopamine high we get when thinking about sex. Our brains give us that dopamine reward as sort of a nudge toward what it really wants us doing--making more humans.
Enter HSIP
circa 2007. If you care to do the research you will find that about 4-5 years after that is when a lot of people began complaining about their porn use/consumption and their seeming inability to quit it. Sound familiar? We did not know it when we invented High Speed Internet, but when we added P to that, we invented a means of getting a dopamine high by endlessly experiencing sexual thoughts. People talk about porn being addictive. It is not. What is addictive is the dopamine high we get from sexual thoughts; it is just that porn makes having sexual thoughts effortless and far more efficient than without it. You are not addicted to porn, no one ever has been. Porn is a tool, like a drug, like gambling for some, like alcohol for some, like sex for some, you can use to trigger a brain reaction, a brain reaction that feels, on some level, euphoric, and very good: a dopamine high. Quitting this problem is quitting using porn to get a dopamine high, which totally sucks because we love that high, but that is what you are going to have to do.
Quitting gets into "brain plasticity" aka "conditioning". Porn is not a disease you caught--no--you didn't know it at the time, but all that time in front of the computer was you training your brain to expect a dopamine high every day, sometimes multiple times a day. Over time that has become your brain's normal. You, I, and every other person with this problem did it to ourselves. To quit, you have to bend your brain back to pre porn normal, or something approaching it. That takes time, that takes effort, it requires pain. Pain is a withdrawal symptom. That is a good thing because withdrawals mean you are not using. "Not using" is the ultimate goal here.
I think the first thing you need to do is Get Educated. Watch this. Get a cup of coffee, watch this. Watch it again. Don't rub one off between watches. Everything is explained here:
You have a small problem that will be difficult to correct, but is imminently correctable. Understand what the problem is; the problem is not porn
per se; it is about using porn to achieve a brain reward, aka a dopamine high. It is actually more complicated than that, but conceiving of it as that is sufficient to allow you to start moving toward correcting the problem. The problem can be corrected as I and many others have done. One of the mistakes quitters quitting porn make is conceiving of the problem as huge, or as a life time burden, or as caused by big underlying psychological issues: it is not. People watch porn because it results in a dopamine high, end of story. If watching paint peel gave us a dopamine high, we would all watch paint peel. Just that simple. The dopamine high, by the way, is not an enemy; it is necessary and good, but we have just figured out a way, via HSIP, to get it though an unnaturally occurring super stimulus. You need to alter this habit, which is difficult, but once you have done that for a while--some say the "hard 90"--you will find not using becomes easy and your daily routine. When I quit it felt like I was dying, and no one told me it would not last forever, as in every day for the rest of my life. To get through it I told myself "If I have to feel like dying, every day for the rest of my life to quit it, then I will feel like I am dying every day for the rest of my life." The pain will not last for the rest of your life. In fact, if you start today, you should be back in control by the end of the year, but you have to be serious about it, and that means avoiding artificially produced dopamine highs, not just from porn, but from everything. There is a time out in your future where that stuff will not bother you and can even be enjoyed, but bend your brain back to normal first, now. The sooner you start the sooner the pain stops.
Much love.
1ANDDONE
