journal time...

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dhira

Member
Feeling pretty stable today. Not feeling ecstatic or the like, just a run of the mill day. But that's fine with me. I don't feel like looking at porn at all. A few times today I was reading or heard someone talking and my mind made an association with a porn scene, but I managed to catch it very quick and "out"!  :)
 
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dhira

Member
I'm starting to feel like a broken record making these journal entries...
I did have a hot dream last night for the first time in my reboot. I was a bit concerned that it might get me thinking about porn. I just got busy and forgot about it. All in all still togging along and feeling grateful.
 
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dhira

Member
I'm noticing a few unwanted images floating around my brain last night and this morning. I have been quite free of these for a while so it feels uncomfortable. I thought I would do a quick post here and check it in. Porn is a dead end for me, it will destroy everything I want to do and leave me a wreck. I don't want to lose what I have been working for over the last month. I'm going to read some success stories, call up some friends to see how they are, do something to help someone, stuff like that, I need to get out of myself if you know what I mean. :mad:
 
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dhira

Member
Made it! Had a bit of temptation earlier. There is this surface tension I have to break through when I'm tempted, once I do I'm ok. But many times I don't and it's like being sat in my car on the beach and the tide is coming in. I can't wait for the sea to be sloshing around my wheels before I decide to move. Got to get going as soon as I see what will happen. Not get carried out to sea. I just got out of my room and bumped into my friend who needed a hand with a few things so that reset me to normality.  :)
 
neon tiger

neon tiger

Active Member
Awesome Dhira, glad you pulled back before the tide rose. Im a big fan of analogies :)

But thats a perfect way to describe how insidious this shit is. It creeps on you and it can do so so subtly... Vigilance is key, and taking a stand, like you did on your early post today. Hats off bud!
 
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dhira

Member
Thanks a lot Neon, great to see you doing so well.

I seem to get tested every couple of weeks. If I can just get through theses tough moments I can hopefully string this together. This whole process is giving me so much help in the weak moments, I feel like I have an escape plan when the beast is on me. I never used to believe that it was possible to not submit to PMO. Now I know it is. Nice.....
 
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dhira

Member
Oh! I used to look at porn
    Early in the morn
  Fiddling with myself
  Losing mental health

    Now I look at trees
And birds and beasts and bees
  I really don't miss porn
    Early in the morn!
                ;D
 
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rodrigo_reboot

Member
That was no big deal Dhira. Just don't let a small setback become a big binge like many of us and myself usually do.
It was just a minor misstep. You got a amazing streak that I could only dream of. You are too strong, just get up and get back to the saddle asap.
 
neon tiger

neon tiger

Active Member
Alright, so the tide rose too fast for you to notice and pull away. Fine, now it receded again. Id be curious to hear your insights on what led to it.

Remember to keep shame and guilt out of this. its just your brain doing what it knows to do. (The humor in your "opp's" disclosure makes me believe you are aware of that  ;) )  Go back to do what you did so well for the 40 something days before today.

Much love to you.
 
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