Hello everyone, I am 34 years old, and I have consumed pornography since I was 15 years old, it started when I was in school.
In my house my father was an alcoholic (fights and problems at home), I don't know how much that situation would have affected me, but when everything started I was very shy and it was difficult to make friends, I couldn't talk to women, so one day I They talked about pornography, I decided to watch out of curiosity and I got to spend all my money on web pages with pornographic content, I downloaded videos and images and took them to my house (at that time everyone thought I was a saint, when in fact I had a big problem), I wanted to have friends but I could not, I was a very insecure boy and I felt dislike for myself, my hobby was imagination and I even made drawings having sex, from that moment until now I have not been able to leave it, I have tried to quit many times but failed, 15 years ago I stopped doing it, I was clean for 01 year but relapsed, then I left it again for another 08 months and relapsed again (I still remember the insecurity I had and the family problems that added), from that moment I began to deceive myself that I could live with it and from that moment until now, I have not been able to leave it, there were many moments when I felt that it was something I could control, but I kept deceiving myself (people around me they had a
concept of me and to pretend, I decided not to face my problem) and as the days went by I lived only on appearances and deceptions, I realized that I need help.
I have lost many opportunities on a personal and professional level, every time I needed to study or prepare for university or work, pornographic thoughts and the desire to masturbate came to my mind and I felt, I was without energy, ashamed, I did not have a healthy social life , I said goodbye to myself, my self-esteem dropped, I had no confidence in myself, I had no desire to do anything, I have seen my dreams destroyed, opportunities to leave, a life with bad decisions to such a degree that I allowed myself to be treated badly to feel good with myself, my life got messed up.
Currently I have my partner and I do not want to ruin it, I want to have healthy and satisfactory sexual relations for me and my partner, but I have realized that I am stuck, I do not advance, I only go back, before writing these words I was on day 03 but I slipped, Today marks a new beginning, I'm going to make it! I will continue to record my diary until I reach the final goal, thank you for your time.
In my house my father was an alcoholic (fights and problems at home), I don't know how much that situation would have affected me, but when everything started I was very shy and it was difficult to make friends, I couldn't talk to women, so one day I They talked about pornography, I decided to watch out of curiosity and I got to spend all my money on web pages with pornographic content, I downloaded videos and images and took them to my house (at that time everyone thought I was a saint, when in fact I had a big problem), I wanted to have friends but I could not, I was a very insecure boy and I felt dislike for myself, my hobby was imagination and I even made drawings having sex, from that moment until now I have not been able to leave it, I have tried to quit many times but failed, 15 years ago I stopped doing it, I was clean for 01 year but relapsed, then I left it again for another 08 months and relapsed again (I still remember the insecurity I had and the family problems that added), from that moment I began to deceive myself that I could live with it and from that moment until now, I have not been able to leave it, there were many moments when I felt that it was something I could control, but I kept deceiving myself (people around me they had a
concept of me and to pretend, I decided not to face my problem) and as the days went by I lived only on appearances and deceptions, I realized that I need help.
I have lost many opportunities on a personal and professional level, every time I needed to study or prepare for university or work, pornographic thoughts and the desire to masturbate came to my mind and I felt, I was without energy, ashamed, I did not have a healthy social life , I said goodbye to myself, my self-esteem dropped, I had no confidence in myself, I had no desire to do anything, I have seen my dreams destroyed, opportunities to leave, a life with bad decisions to such a degree that I allowed myself to be treated badly to feel good with myself, my life got messed up.
Currently I have my partner and I do not want to ruin it, I want to have healthy and satisfactory sexual relations for me and my partner, but I have realized that I am stuck, I do not advance, I only go back, before writing these words I was on day 03 but I slipped, Today marks a new beginning, I'm going to make it! I will continue to record my diary until I reach the final goal, thank you for your time.
