R
Ravenmorgul
Guest
Hello Everyone
In here I name myself Ravenmorgul, I am 29 Years old and I am on my first Reboot which I started on the 26th of August this year. I already tried to quit porn on several occasions before I even knew that there were Internetsites like these which feature a support group. I always thaugt that I was the only one having this kind of addiction. Since I didnt knew that this was a problem for a lot of guys I was very ashamed of it and so I didnt talk to anyone about it. I just noticed that my consume of Porn grew and that a lot of Videos i used to enjoy got very fast very boring which led to more hardcore porn and of course to even more videos which I watched during "one masturbation session". I wanted to quit because I realised that my sexlife wasn't as good as it used to be. It took me way longer to gain orgasm and Sex become something very stressful. I realised that my girlffriend got the impression that she wasnt attractive enough for me which led to long conversations and made it even harder for me to enjoy our sex life.
Then again I knew why I was using porn as a stimuli. It was my way not only to release stress but also to "live out" my fantasies of various Women I would like to have sex with. I always did that since I was 15. I began with normal pictures of Women to masturbate with and of course fantasy. But I soon bought me some Magazines (porn of course) and as I got the possibility to surf the Internet with about 17 and my own access I was starting to consume porn on the internet. The more I used it the more I needed it. After my 21 birthday I noticed that Porn become very important. Since I had other addictions like smoking cigarettes, party hard and so on I never really got to that point that I would admit that I couldnt live without porn. Only when I started to quit smoking, partying less hard and now most of the time even without alcohol that I also realise that Porn is an Addiction that I have.
My few attempt to quit Porn were always very similar: First I found it very good. Then after some days I noticed that I become very fast attracted to a big variety of girls and of course become a boner. I got a very strong motivation to talk to a lot of girls that I saw and found attractive. But when I did that I spontaniously started to flirt and I became nervous that it would lead to more since I had also a Girlfriend back then which I didnt meet that much because of different Worklifes etc. And of course I started to miss Porn a lot and it become so overwehlming as a feeling of Need that I always gave in.
Some Weeks ago, on the 26th of August, I had an Doctorsappointment. There I read an followup article about the Relationship Problem of a couple which included the Response of some readers. There was this girl who gave them the advice to check if their sexual problems had anything to do with Porn Influenced Erectional Disfunction. Well this Article and especially that remak of the "PIED" gave me a lot to think while I was waiting for the doctor. After that appointment I couldnt stop thinking about my sexual problems and that the solution would be to quit porn once and for all.
So I tried to quit and I am still trying. Since that day (26th August 2014) I havent masturbated to pornmovies. What did I do? First I became aware of the importance to finally stop porn. Then I visited the Website "yourbrain on porn" and read a lot of articles and how to reboot. Since I always write Journals I also included my plan in my journals and wrote about it. Then I talked to my girlfriend about it which was very hard for me because it made me very nervous and was a big step to tell her all about it. She reacted very supportive which helped me a lot. Then I stopped masturbating for a while and tried to only masturbate when I felt the urge to do it.
So far so good. BUT: I noticed that one night while browsing Youtube, that there was this new Video of J.Lo and Iggy A. It was a teaser about the new Remix-Videoclip. Well I found this teaser so teasing that I spent at least one hour watching that 30 second clip and enjoying the pleasure that come over my body (I guess thats a relapse?) I didnt touched myself while watching. After that I noticed that I use to watsch free TV on weekends late at night because I like to watch movies. BUT: theyre airing softporn movies and of course there is a lot of porn-calling-advertisement which of course I also watched for a few minutes without touching myself. Funny thing about it: Last time I changed channels and watched that stuff for a few minutes I found it stupid and boring so that I changed the channel even faster.
My masturbating-Situation looks like this: It is very hard for my to concentrate only on my body and my feelings while doing it. Most of the time there comes a fantasy flashing in. A memory of Porn movies, One Night Stands, or even girls I saw that day or that week that I found very attractive which includes my girlfriend. When a fantasy like that flashes up in my mind I noticed that I start to masturbate like I used to do it when watching porn: A completely different way of rhytmic which is not very satisfying. So I started to stop masturbating while these memorys come in. And then trying to go on again when I can concentrate my thougths on my body again. But that is a very hard thing to do. But whenever I succesfully was able to do it, to mastrubate while my thougths were concentrated on my body the orgasm was more intense.
Even the Sex with my girlfriend become more intense and more beautiful. Then again I have to admit that I really do miss porn. And there were some moments lately not only on weekends when I could feel that I really had to fight the urge to consume porn again.
I have changed a lot aspects in my life since I stopped consuming internetporn:
1. Since I had and still have problems with stress, I started a counseling about my stress behaviour. That helps a lot to find out my stress-triggers and to find a healthy work-life-balance.
2. through that Counseling I was inspired to start a special self difense programm which I join once a week that helps to feel my body and the bodies of the group whit whom I train together and also helps to get in touch with other people.
3. I started to meet people that I only knew from my second job and from parties. So I get to hang out with more people than before and buidling a new social network. Also that helps me keeping busy on a healthier way than using porn.
I still have the problem that I dont sleep enough especially on weekends which also leads to stupid thaughts like "needing porn again" and so on. I am still thighting the urges and whenever I see a Woman in Highheels and waring a lot of make up and long fingernails that I get remainded of Porn and which pleasure I would have to consume it, eventhough I know that the pleasure of watching porn never really was satisfying.
Counting the days: I am on day 47 in my reboot if I am counting right.
I had a very intense feeling that it would be very helpful to join a Forum and to get support. So here I am trying to share my story and looking for a mate who likes to help each other out.
By the way: Sorry for my bad english.
In here I name myself Ravenmorgul, I am 29 Years old and I am on my first Reboot which I started on the 26th of August this year. I already tried to quit porn on several occasions before I even knew that there were Internetsites like these which feature a support group. I always thaugt that I was the only one having this kind of addiction. Since I didnt knew that this was a problem for a lot of guys I was very ashamed of it and so I didnt talk to anyone about it. I just noticed that my consume of Porn grew and that a lot of Videos i used to enjoy got very fast very boring which led to more hardcore porn and of course to even more videos which I watched during "one masturbation session". I wanted to quit because I realised that my sexlife wasn't as good as it used to be. It took me way longer to gain orgasm and Sex become something very stressful. I realised that my girlffriend got the impression that she wasnt attractive enough for me which led to long conversations and made it even harder for me to enjoy our sex life.
Then again I knew why I was using porn as a stimuli. It was my way not only to release stress but also to "live out" my fantasies of various Women I would like to have sex with. I always did that since I was 15. I began with normal pictures of Women to masturbate with and of course fantasy. But I soon bought me some Magazines (porn of course) and as I got the possibility to surf the Internet with about 17 and my own access I was starting to consume porn on the internet. The more I used it the more I needed it. After my 21 birthday I noticed that Porn become very important. Since I had other addictions like smoking cigarettes, party hard and so on I never really got to that point that I would admit that I couldnt live without porn. Only when I started to quit smoking, partying less hard and now most of the time even without alcohol that I also realise that Porn is an Addiction that I have.
My few attempt to quit Porn were always very similar: First I found it very good. Then after some days I noticed that I become very fast attracted to a big variety of girls and of course become a boner. I got a very strong motivation to talk to a lot of girls that I saw and found attractive. But when I did that I spontaniously started to flirt and I became nervous that it would lead to more since I had also a Girlfriend back then which I didnt meet that much because of different Worklifes etc. And of course I started to miss Porn a lot and it become so overwehlming as a feeling of Need that I always gave in.
Some Weeks ago, on the 26th of August, I had an Doctorsappointment. There I read an followup article about the Relationship Problem of a couple which included the Response of some readers. There was this girl who gave them the advice to check if their sexual problems had anything to do with Porn Influenced Erectional Disfunction. Well this Article and especially that remak of the "PIED" gave me a lot to think while I was waiting for the doctor. After that appointment I couldnt stop thinking about my sexual problems and that the solution would be to quit porn once and for all.
So I tried to quit and I am still trying. Since that day (26th August 2014) I havent masturbated to pornmovies. What did I do? First I became aware of the importance to finally stop porn. Then I visited the Website "yourbrain on porn" and read a lot of articles and how to reboot. Since I always write Journals I also included my plan in my journals and wrote about it. Then I talked to my girlfriend about it which was very hard for me because it made me very nervous and was a big step to tell her all about it. She reacted very supportive which helped me a lot. Then I stopped masturbating for a while and tried to only masturbate when I felt the urge to do it.
So far so good. BUT: I noticed that one night while browsing Youtube, that there was this new Video of J.Lo and Iggy A. It was a teaser about the new Remix-Videoclip. Well I found this teaser so teasing that I spent at least one hour watching that 30 second clip and enjoying the pleasure that come over my body (I guess thats a relapse?) I didnt touched myself while watching. After that I noticed that I use to watsch free TV on weekends late at night because I like to watch movies. BUT: theyre airing softporn movies and of course there is a lot of porn-calling-advertisement which of course I also watched for a few minutes without touching myself. Funny thing about it: Last time I changed channels and watched that stuff for a few minutes I found it stupid and boring so that I changed the channel even faster.
My masturbating-Situation looks like this: It is very hard for my to concentrate only on my body and my feelings while doing it. Most of the time there comes a fantasy flashing in. A memory of Porn movies, One Night Stands, or even girls I saw that day or that week that I found very attractive which includes my girlfriend. When a fantasy like that flashes up in my mind I noticed that I start to masturbate like I used to do it when watching porn: A completely different way of rhytmic which is not very satisfying. So I started to stop masturbating while these memorys come in. And then trying to go on again when I can concentrate my thougths on my body again. But that is a very hard thing to do. But whenever I succesfully was able to do it, to mastrubate while my thougths were concentrated on my body the orgasm was more intense.
Even the Sex with my girlfriend become more intense and more beautiful. Then again I have to admit that I really do miss porn. And there were some moments lately not only on weekends when I could feel that I really had to fight the urge to consume porn again.
I have changed a lot aspects in my life since I stopped consuming internetporn:
1. Since I had and still have problems with stress, I started a counseling about my stress behaviour. That helps a lot to find out my stress-triggers and to find a healthy work-life-balance.
2. through that Counseling I was inspired to start a special self difense programm which I join once a week that helps to feel my body and the bodies of the group whit whom I train together and also helps to get in touch with other people.
3. I started to meet people that I only knew from my second job and from parties. So I get to hang out with more people than before and buidling a new social network. Also that helps me keeping busy on a healthier way than using porn.
I still have the problem that I dont sleep enough especially on weekends which also leads to stupid thaughts like "needing porn again" and so on. I am still thighting the urges and whenever I see a Woman in Highheels and waring a lot of make up and long fingernails that I get remainded of Porn and which pleasure I would have to consume it, eventhough I know that the pleasure of watching porn never really was satisfying.
Counting the days: I am on day 47 in my reboot if I am counting right.
I had a very intense feeling that it would be very helpful to join a Forum and to get support. So here I am trying to share my story and looking for a mate who likes to help each other out.
By the way: Sorry for my bad english.
