Relapse after 19 months away from porn

[Deleted member 25313]

I discovered this website in early 2020. I wasn't very active on the forum, but I read all there is to read about PIED and recovery: I read Your Brain on Porn, and read hundreds of success stories, so I'm well educated on the subject.

In 2020, I joined this forum to heal my lifelong ED. I successfully stayed away from P and M for 19 months with zero relapse, and even went hard mode for 90 days during that period. It wasn't enough to cure my ED, but I had some improvements with my libido and erections. Even though I wasn't fully cured, things were definitely better than before my reboot.

I'm back here today because I lost control of myself this week. I watched porn twice in two days.

I don't wanna go back to porn. I have a very strong "spiritual hangover" today, I really feel like shit. I haven't been myself since it happened, I feel extremely vulnerable, and fragile. I need to get back on the horse right away, and to keep living a porn-free life, like I did for the last 19 months. I think that coming back here will help me, I want to use this thread for accountability.

These two relapses don't have to bring me down. I'm at the crossroads: I can go back to a porn-free life and probably be back to where I was in a matter of weeks, in terms of mental balance and libido. That's what I want.

All right, let's do this! Time to get back on track.

 

[Bouncingback2]

Hey Saul Goodman

19 months is a huge achievement ! I can imagine this relapse must be really hard , but you’re doing the right thing by coming back on here and doing no pmo again, and try not to beat yourself up to much about this relapse, take what you can learn from it like what triggered you , and then move on. I done 100 days once and then went into a deep depression when I relapsed instead of trying again, which was the worst thing to do. You done 19 months before and can do it again !!

Best of luck man

 

[Mydon]

I'm happy for you keep it up