pornfreeodyssey
Member
Its funny how the urge the change is highest when your at the lowest.
33 yr old (M) in an 11 yr marriage and I think I finally pushed my partner to the point of leaving me.
I've been with this negative compulsion to view porn ever since I was around 8 yrs old finding the cliche stray porn mag in the woods. This was the day something within me changed and my brains hunger for porn began.
I was never social (not so much still) nor did I ever once had held a relationship in my youth. So yea I was the loner type. At home I was left alone a lot because between my brother and I, you can guess who was more "responsible". We grew up skimming the poverty line. My mother had so much stress trying to keep us afloat and dealing with my brothers medical issues. So what kind of son would I be to lay out my pain and burden just to cause more stress. Naturally I kept everything in and remained "responsible".
I left my house at 18 for the military and I was given enough funding to purchase my own laptop. You can guess what I searched on my first day of owning a direct source to the internet while alone in my own dorm room.
I married at 22 to a beautiful woman. Where I didn't see any problem with my undiagnosed addiction, she saw many red flags but still stayed nonetheless. I have been through some therapy, I tried cutting cold turkey, I tried giving up a smart phone and yet STILL found a way to see porn on a small digital flip phone. All in all I've continued to view porn on and off, consistently lied, and aggressively clawed my way back to that same dopamine drip that has been tormenting me for all these years. All that wasted time....never realizing what good things I had in front of me.
I'm not gonna go through every event in my life for this post but just wanted to share a little backstory of where I'm coming from.
And so here I am, alone and typing this thread post while my wife is upstairs making one of our spare bedrooms into her own room.
Thanks for reading
Day 2 PMO Free
33 yr old (M) in an 11 yr marriage and I think I finally pushed my partner to the point of leaving me.
I've been with this negative compulsion to view porn ever since I was around 8 yrs old finding the cliche stray porn mag in the woods. This was the day something within me changed and my brains hunger for porn began.
I was never social (not so much still) nor did I ever once had held a relationship in my youth. So yea I was the loner type. At home I was left alone a lot because between my brother and I, you can guess who was more "responsible". We grew up skimming the poverty line. My mother had so much stress trying to keep us afloat and dealing with my brothers medical issues. So what kind of son would I be to lay out my pain and burden just to cause more stress. Naturally I kept everything in and remained "responsible".
I left my house at 18 for the military and I was given enough funding to purchase my own laptop. You can guess what I searched on my first day of owning a direct source to the internet while alone in my own dorm room.
I married at 22 to a beautiful woman. Where I didn't see any problem with my undiagnosed addiction, she saw many red flags but still stayed nonetheless. I have been through some therapy, I tried cutting cold turkey, I tried giving up a smart phone and yet STILL found a way to see porn on a small digital flip phone. All in all I've continued to view porn on and off, consistently lied, and aggressively clawed my way back to that same dopamine drip that has been tormenting me for all these years. All that wasted time....never realizing what good things I had in front of me.
I'm not gonna go through every event in my life for this post but just wanted to share a little backstory of where I'm coming from.
And so here I am, alone and typing this thread post while my wife is upstairs making one of our spare bedrooms into her own room.
Thanks for reading
Day 2 PMO Free
