Workman
Member
I've been lurking here for a couple of weeks, and I've gotten to the point where I feel I need to put my situation down on paper (so to speak) and make myself a part of this community.
I'm single, never married, no kids, straight, and I recently turned 47. I'm very physically fit aside from some minor but nagging injuries brought about by hard work and rough living.
Porn wasn't a huge part of my life growing up...I would call my porn use "average"until about 1999. Prior to that,I would occasionally peruse a Penthouse or Playboy, or more frequently, read a Penthouse Letters or the like...I got off more on reading than pictures and still do to a certain extent.
So what happened in 1999? Well, the internet, of course. I discovered the wonderful world wide web of chat rooms and porn. Almost instantly I was spending a lot of time in chat rooms, engaging in cyber sex. I would also check out pics, usually amateur stuff, but I found I enjoyed masturbating to chat more than anything else.
As time went on, my chat habits evolved, or I really should say, devolved. Subject matter became more extreme and dark, pic trading was involved, you get the idea. I was disgusted with my actions but I just...enjoyed it so damn much. I chatted about doing things I would never truly do with people who revolted me yet excited me. I told myself it was harmless, and that I could stop at any time. And I did stop, occasionally, when work or personal life situations made it impossible to get online. As soon as I was able to get back to my laptop, though, I would binge and binge and binge.
I had a couple of long term relationships during this time, and a few short term ones, and my porn/chatting wasn't really an issue. Mostly. I never got caught, and I was able to perform sexually, although PE was a bit of an issue usually and I did experience some occasional PIED although I really didn't recognize it for what it was at the time.
In 2010, I found cam sites. That became my new fix. For the last four years, I have been a very regular cam site guy, even getting "gold memberships," spending freely to tip the performers, and developing some friendships that have carried over into real life. Throughout this time, but with lessening frequency, I was still hopping in chat rooms, seeking out others to chat with about filthy things.
I started experiencing undeniable issues with PIED around 2011. I mitigated the effects (somewhat successfully) by cutting back my PMO prior to meeting with my girlfriend at the time and the occasional use of Viagra. We were in a long distance relationship, so I always knew when real sex was on the horizon. That relationship ended in early 2013 for reasons unrelated to my porn use, which pretty much skyrocketed.
If I wasn't working, I was viewing cams or chatting. I started realizing I was masturbating out of habit rather than arousal, and I sometimes was just sitting there, looking at the screen, stroking a limp dick. I started to get a little concerned something might be wrong, which is a bit of an understatement. I knew things were wrong, I just ignored that little voice telling me to stop ruining my life.
I'm currently involved in another long distance relationship with a young lady. We met in person at the start of the year,and sex was great. I was still heavily into cam/chat/porn use, but she was sexy enough and "new"enough that I didn't have any issues. A couple of months later, we met again, and it was a different story. First night, decent sex although I was struggling to maintain an erection most of the time. The next three nights I couldn't get it up enough to have intercourse. I took care of her orally, which she loved (and so did I) but I was embarrassed and devastated. She didn't get angry but I knew she was wondering what was up...or what wasn't up, I should say.
Even that wasn't enough to stop me, though. My cam/chatting picked right up where it left off when I got home. It was the only way I could achieve an erection at that point. Hours long sessions, procrastinating on other tasks I needed to do, the same old story. Clicking on cams was my daily ritual.
I tried to stop a couple of months ago, I would quit for a few days, relapse, binge, self loathing, repeat. I quit for good Oct 3.
I'm meeting my lady friend for a week in Vegas at the end of the month, and I'm panicking a bit. I'm in a complete flat line. The first week I started waking to some slight (very slight) morning erections, but now there is nothing. I don't really feel anything except dread at letting her down in the bedroom again. I've done a lot of reading on how long a reboot can take, and I know I'm nowhere near there.
In the meantime, I'm still getting out of the habit of clicking on cams and chat rooms. I've been successful, although I have been struggling a bit here and there.
Anyway, I'm hoping I can keep on moving towards being a better man. Thanks for reading.
I'm single, never married, no kids, straight, and I recently turned 47. I'm very physically fit aside from some minor but nagging injuries brought about by hard work and rough living.
Porn wasn't a huge part of my life growing up...I would call my porn use "average"until about 1999. Prior to that,I would occasionally peruse a Penthouse or Playboy, or more frequently, read a Penthouse Letters or the like...I got off more on reading than pictures and still do to a certain extent.
So what happened in 1999? Well, the internet, of course. I discovered the wonderful world wide web of chat rooms and porn. Almost instantly I was spending a lot of time in chat rooms, engaging in cyber sex. I would also check out pics, usually amateur stuff, but I found I enjoyed masturbating to chat more than anything else.
As time went on, my chat habits evolved, or I really should say, devolved. Subject matter became more extreme and dark, pic trading was involved, you get the idea. I was disgusted with my actions but I just...enjoyed it so damn much. I chatted about doing things I would never truly do with people who revolted me yet excited me. I told myself it was harmless, and that I could stop at any time. And I did stop, occasionally, when work or personal life situations made it impossible to get online. As soon as I was able to get back to my laptop, though, I would binge and binge and binge.
I had a couple of long term relationships during this time, and a few short term ones, and my porn/chatting wasn't really an issue. Mostly. I never got caught, and I was able to perform sexually, although PE was a bit of an issue usually and I did experience some occasional PIED although I really didn't recognize it for what it was at the time.
In 2010, I found cam sites. That became my new fix. For the last four years, I have been a very regular cam site guy, even getting "gold memberships," spending freely to tip the performers, and developing some friendships that have carried over into real life. Throughout this time, but with lessening frequency, I was still hopping in chat rooms, seeking out others to chat with about filthy things.
I started experiencing undeniable issues with PIED around 2011. I mitigated the effects (somewhat successfully) by cutting back my PMO prior to meeting with my girlfriend at the time and the occasional use of Viagra. We were in a long distance relationship, so I always knew when real sex was on the horizon. That relationship ended in early 2013 for reasons unrelated to my porn use, which pretty much skyrocketed.
If I wasn't working, I was viewing cams or chatting. I started realizing I was masturbating out of habit rather than arousal, and I sometimes was just sitting there, looking at the screen, stroking a limp dick. I started to get a little concerned something might be wrong, which is a bit of an understatement. I knew things were wrong, I just ignored that little voice telling me to stop ruining my life.
I'm currently involved in another long distance relationship with a young lady. We met in person at the start of the year,and sex was great. I was still heavily into cam/chat/porn use, but she was sexy enough and "new"enough that I didn't have any issues. A couple of months later, we met again, and it was a different story. First night, decent sex although I was struggling to maintain an erection most of the time. The next three nights I couldn't get it up enough to have intercourse. I took care of her orally, which she loved (and so did I) but I was embarrassed and devastated. She didn't get angry but I knew she was wondering what was up...or what wasn't up, I should say.
Even that wasn't enough to stop me, though. My cam/chatting picked right up where it left off when I got home. It was the only way I could achieve an erection at that point. Hours long sessions, procrastinating on other tasks I needed to do, the same old story. Clicking on cams was my daily ritual.
I tried to stop a couple of months ago, I would quit for a few days, relapse, binge, self loathing, repeat. I quit for good Oct 3.
I'm meeting my lady friend for a week in Vegas at the end of the month, and I'm panicking a bit. I'm in a complete flat line. The first week I started waking to some slight (very slight) morning erections, but now there is nothing. I don't really feel anything except dread at letting her down in the bedroom again. I've done a lot of reading on how long a reboot can take, and I know I'm nowhere near there.
In the meantime, I'm still getting out of the habit of clicking on cams and chat rooms. I've been successful, although I have been struggling a bit here and there.
Anyway, I'm hoping I can keep on moving towards being a better man. Thanks for reading.
