One day at a time 1

[BestEffort]

Day 1

I feel less guilty about looking at porn than ever before. That has helped not to have as many psychological adverse effects afterwards but I would like to stop looking altogether.

stopping makes my brain more focused and less internally-concerned. Here’s to day 1

 

[BestEffort]

Day 2.
Tw- details.
Last night I had a dream about a professor of mine. She was coming on to me in the shower. What sticks out is that she was looking for connection and intimacy in the midst of her suffering. Much of my attraction to older women comes from a desire to serve them and take care of their real human needs.
My mind, malformed by a decade of porn, twists that and has me think of serving their sexual needs which are clearly not mine to serve.
I feel vulnerable and horny today. I have never been, nor am I now, really attracted to that teacher and I did not give in to her advances in the dream. I am also not missing human connection but am also newly broken up with my gf of 1.5 years and am missing some sexual intimacy. I know my mind is tricking me trying to get me to feed it and I know it’s not good.
I pray that today I can stay busy and, especially at night, read so that I am not tempted further.
But, it’s been two days. Day 3 will be hard-earned but worth it!

 

[BestEffort]

Day 1

I got to say 3 and gave in. I was extremely tired and it was still early.

Today I have been depressed (unrelated to the porn I think) and horny. I want to look at porn to feel something positive, even if I know it’s artificial. I will do my work tonight around my family. Hopefully that desire goes away.

 

[BestEffort]

Day 4
I have been sad today. Missing my girlfriend and the connection and sexual fulfillment from the relationship. Porn seems so dull today and I’m also so tired. But I’m so sad that I want to feel something so I am tempted. I’m going to go to bed now

 

[dopaminer]

Sorry to hear about your girlfriend, man. Been there - and it sucks. It's also incredibly tempting to dive right into PMO after a breakup because it feels so good in the moment and feels like it's replacing some of what you've lost (but it's definitely NOT a replacement and it doesn't lead anywhere good). Nice job on making it to day 4! Keep it up, man. You'll be at the 1 week mark in no time!

 

[BestEffort]

Sorry to hear about your girlfriend, man. Been there - and it sucks. It's also incredibly tempting to dive right into PMO after a breakup because it feels so good in the moment and feels like it's replacing some of what you've lost (but it's definitely NOT a replacement and it doesn't lead anywhere good). Nice job on making it to day 4! Keep it up, man. You'll be at the 1 week mark in no time!

Thank you dopaminer. I appreciate the encouragement

 

[BestEffort]

Day 5
I browsed some sites last night but no ma. I just wanted to feel something. This morning my depression symptoms are very intense. I am not sure they’re related - probably didn’t help though.
I am going to the gym and then running errands. Hopefully that helps get the dopamine running. Sometimes my depression makes me not want to PMO and sometimes it leads me to want to. I just feel dead inside today. I know they are just feelings. I will be okay when my dopamine starts running again. Proud to be at day 5 even with a slip last night. First time I’ve been to day 5 in a long time.

 

[BestEffort]

Day 3
It feels like it’s been weeks without PMO but only 3 days. Last time felt terrible and was possibly the least enjoyable time I’ve ever had.

I miss intimacy with my girlfriend in ways I’m not sure I’ve ever felt. My body is tingling most the time and it’s hard to know what to do. I think it’s a matter of time before that goes away but it might be awhile.

 

[BestEffort]

Day 1
Back at it again. I really wish there was an SA group that actually was possible to get into. I need more support than I have now.
My life is in an odd transition and PMO honestly works for the time to make me less stressed and supplements dopamine. But, I’m getting concerned that for the first time in my life what used to do it for me is not. Idk what the next attraction would be but I don’t want to see.
Here’s to day 2