Hey guys, I?ve tried to stop this so very many times in the past, but if it doesnt stop now I?m absolutely certain that it will end my relationship.
I?ve always been quite lonely and for a period of my life, I was regularly bullied as well. Due to an extremely warped and twisted image of myself, I?ve never considered looking for help when I?ve been feeling down, always feeling like someone else was probably needing the help alot more than me and thus it would be selfish of me to ask for it.
As a result of this I?ve been depressed for large portions of my life without any sort of professional help. I havent even dared to call it depression before because I didnt know if I felt 'bad enough' for that. Yesterday however, I was talking to my mother and she described the depression that both her and her father has been struggling with, and it felt like a perfect description of how I?ve been feeling all my life.
Anyways, I?ve been watching porn on an almost daily basis for the past 7 years or so. this summer/fall I?ve been trying quite hard to stop, my first attempt I managed 2 weeks before a slight relapse, after which I managed almost 2 months, but then I relapsed heavily and broke down crying daily, feeling absolutely worthless constantly.
So now I?m trying again, if it doesnt work this time I dont know what I?ll do, as I said my boyfriend is likely to leave me if I do it again and I have no clue what to do without him, I don't want to go back to being all alone.
Sorry if this post isnt very light hearted, I had to get some stuff off my chest.
I?ve always been quite lonely and for a period of my life, I was regularly bullied as well. Due to an extremely warped and twisted image of myself, I?ve never considered looking for help when I?ve been feeling down, always feeling like someone else was probably needing the help alot more than me and thus it would be selfish of me to ask for it.
As a result of this I?ve been depressed for large portions of my life without any sort of professional help. I havent even dared to call it depression before because I didnt know if I felt 'bad enough' for that. Yesterday however, I was talking to my mother and she described the depression that both her and her father has been struggling with, and it felt like a perfect description of how I?ve been feeling all my life.
Anyways, I?ve been watching porn on an almost daily basis for the past 7 years or so. this summer/fall I?ve been trying quite hard to stop, my first attempt I managed 2 weeks before a slight relapse, after which I managed almost 2 months, but then I relapsed heavily and broke down crying daily, feeling absolutely worthless constantly.
So now I?m trying again, if it doesnt work this time I dont know what I?ll do, as I said my boyfriend is likely to leave me if I do it again and I have no clue what to do without him, I don't want to go back to being all alone.
Sorry if this post isnt very light hearted, I had to get some stuff off my chest.