On My Way to Mordor ( Camino a Mordor)

English

Hi I'm here trying to reboot from this addiction , I started on this when I was I think 14 years old at the first time everything was new and i didn't realize this was going to be a so long long path to anxiety, depression, and other difficulties on my life on this path of reboot, in some point in my life I leave it thanks to God on my catholic faith who I embraced so strong at my age of 17 and by praying every day , being close to the confession sacrament , having my motives on high every time I leave the addiction for almost 7 years but then one day i relapsed and since then it has been a path much harder of almost 5 years . Actually I'm reading the easy peasy method book and doing workout and keeping my life of prayer and faith who it is helping me a lot on my journey but sometimes I relapse so I'm renewing my commit to succeed and at the same time I'm on my process to become a priest so i life on celibacy its want I'm choosing and I want to live it plenty , given myself completely to others having healthy relationships of friendship and brotherhood.

Now concluding this post i think the most of my triggers are anxiety , stress , and the irrational fear of loneliness ( I say it irrational because I know there is a lot of people who love me and care about me,) its just the depression and the pmo monster ( hehe to call it in some graphical way) who sometimes makes me believe , most of the time at nights before i sleep , that I'm going to be alone and sad at some point in my life, but i think the real cruel true is that he ( the pmo monster hehe) is the one that wants me to live and feel like that and not all the people that i care and love a lot.

So leaving this basics on here i just want to ask for an accountability partner I'm pretty sure that is going to be so helpful in my progress on this path of reboot especially to combat that monster on nights hehe and i just want to say that I'm calling my journal " On my way to Mordor" because i really love the Lord of the Rings Movies and i want to see my journey as a path to mordor where I'm going to burn that pmo monster and return happy with all my memories of my ups and downs on my way to back home as a victory on my life with the grace of God.

Spanish

(No se si halla aquí miembros que hablen español la cual es mi lengua materna pero si es así dejo aquí también lo dicho en Ingles)

Hola estoy aquí tratando de recuperarme de esta adicción , yo empecé cuando tenia 14 años , al principio todo me parecía nuevo y no me dí cuenta de que este se convertiría en un camino tan largo lleno de ansiedad, depresión y otras mas dificultades en mi vida en este camino de reinicio, en algún momento de mi vida creo lo deje gracias a mi fe católica en Dios la cual abrace fuertemente a la edad de 17 años orando todos los días, siendo frecuente al sacramento de la confesión y manteniendo mis motivos siempre en alto , gracias a eso logré dejar la adicción por aproximadamente 7 años pero un día recaí otra vez y desde entonces ha sido un camino largo de casi 5 años, actualmente estoy leyendo el libro de "easy peasy method" , haciendo ejercicio , manteniendo una vida de fe y oración lo cual me ayuda mucho pero algunas veces recaigo así que estoy aquí renovando mi compromiso de triunfar y al mismo tiempo que estoy en este proceso también me encuentro en mi proceso de convertirme en sacerdote católico por tanto elijo vivir una vida de celibato la cual quiero vivir con plenitud dándome completamente a los demás teniendo relaciones sanas de amistad y fraternidad.

Ahora bien concluyendo este post creo que la mayoría de mis disparadores son la ansiedad , el estres y el miedo irracional de soledad ( lo mayo miedo irracional porque en realidad se que hay muchas personas en mi vida que me quieren mucho) es solo la depresión y el monstruo del PMO ( jeje para nombrarlo de una manera gráfica) que me hacen creer sobre todo antes de dormir en las noches que en algún momento de mi vida terminare solo y triste pero yo creo que la cruda verdad es que el ( el monstruo del PMO jeje ) es el que quiere que viva solo, y triste y no todas las personas que me importan y que amo.

Ahora bien terminando aqui lo basico de este post solo me gustaría pedir un compañero de responsabilidad para que me ayudara en mi progreso en este camino de reinicio, sobre todo en las noches para combatir al monstruo del PMO jeje . Por ultimo quiero decir que le llamo a este diario, " camino a Mordor " porque me gustan mucho las peliculas del señor de los anillos y quiero ver mi camino de recuperación como mi camino a Mordor donde quemare al monstruo del PMO y regresare feliz a casa lleno de memorias de mis altas y bajas como una victoria en mi vida con la gracia de Dios.
 
Starting day 2 I don't want to be counting my days like I'm giving up something but i think for the first days its going to be helpful in order to battle the chaser effect. I'm feeling better, yesterday I have a talk with a friend that i really appreciate, had my workout and did my prayers , everything its getting on road again i think btw I'm still wanting the accountability partner , the only moment of temptation was the night when those thoughts of loneliness came again but i didn't put attention on them and think on people that i really care of and do some prayer to the lord by telling him how happy i am with my life and renewing my trust on him.
 
Day 3. It's helping me so much to listen relaxing music before i go to bed in order to reduce anxiety and clear my mind from the little monster thoughts about needing P before I sleep , of course to pray, do mi workout and read the easy peasy method book during the day is an essential part of my reboot journey during the day.
 
There have past a lot of time i don't write , its being a hard time, I did 1 week without PMO but i failed again , i dont want to punished myself or something like that but i feel a little bit bad for this chaser time that I'm having , i know its all the dopamine effects what is giving all of this changes of mood but even though I know that on theory in the practice i dont carry that forward, talking about the consequences of giving myself up on this addiction. And well lets do it again lets fight one more time until i win this battle once for all
 

Blondie

Respected Member
You went a whole week without porn. Congratulations! Don't be too hard on yourself. If the task before us was easy, none of us would be here. The journey to Mordor is a long and perilous one, with many orcs and relapses along the way. You can either run back to the Shire with your head down in despair, or you can dust yourself off and keep on trekking to the Mountain of Doom. As for me, I will climb that mountain on my knees if I must, to rid myself of the Ring of Porn.

You got this man. Keep your head up and keep on trekking!
 
You went a whole week without porn. Congratulations! Don't be too hard on yourself. If the task before us was easy, none of us would be here. The journey to Mordor is a long and perilous one, with many orcs and relapses along the way. You can either run back to the Shire with your head down in despair, or you can dust yourself off and keep on trekking to the Mountain of Doom. As for me, I will climb that mountain on my knees if I must, to rid myself of the Ring of Porn.

You got this man. Keep your head up and keep on trekking!
Thanks Bro¡¡ you're damn right¡¡ I dont want to run back to the Shire I'm going to climb that mountain no matter how much it takes to do it.
 
Today I'm starting again my journey with the help of God. My today's goals are to being recovering my focus little by little, and start the strategy again seeing PMO as it is , a trap, not something that I'm sacrificing because it gives me nothing so there is nothing to lose and everything to win.
 
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