Thanks if you read this long post and sorry for my english, i am from Eastern Europe, my name is Máté (Matthew in english).
This is the first time when i write down my experience with this addiction or when i ask help. I am 27 years old (28 in 4 months), and i am a virgin with very little experience with girls. I grew up with porn and video games and maybe i conditioned my brain to this artificial dopamine sources to a level where i can't heal.
I masturbated first time when i was 14 years old and whatched porn at 15. Fortunately i could use porn until the age of 19 only at the weekends and at summer (bacause i was in a boarding school at this time). After high school i worked for 2 years and then i fapped every day multiple times. After this i went to college. I was dating a girl who i knew from my childhood and who was like a dream girl for me and i think loved her but i wasnt interested in her sexually at all. I thought i was asexual but i didnt stop watching porn at the weekend. Plus on weekdays when i was in college i had flatline symptoms, although i didnt know what is happening with me. With that girl we stopped dating i guess she knew something was wrong with me. This happened in 2016 February. And at that time somehow i realized that i have problem with porn. As i wrote before i had flatline symptoms in weekdays and i remember i googled this "why do i have cold and small penis" and i found YBOP and NoFap. I started doing nofap and after like 60 days i got my morning wood back. I had morning wood last time when i was like 16 years old so i thought i was healed (now i think i wasnt yet). But my parents divorced and first i went back to masturbation and then i went back to porn. In 2017 i didnt try to reboot myself and i went back to my addiction fully.
Then from 2018 January i tried to quit porn a lot of times i went even 120 days without porn and i saw all the benefits (except random erections and real libido so i was never healed), but every time when i had any hardship in my life i went back to porn and masturbation. This was an escape for me until the second half of 2020. Then i made 120 days again in nofap hardmode, and when i relapsed it was only one relapse and not a binge. And i did nofap like this in whole 2021. I made a streak and then i went back to porn for a few days, only once a day for a much shorter time than before (never a binge). Which is the biggest problem, a lot of times i ejaculated with a weak erection around 30% and i fear from that maybe i conditioned my brain to ejaculate without an erection. I dont know if i can heal it or not. I am sure i couldnt get a full erection because i was in a flatline all the time and i just prolonged this flatline with this relapses.
My last relapse happened on December 29 so i am at 28 days today. Before this i made 40 days and i had night and morning wood almost every day. On this streak, which will be my last and forever lasting streak without porn i am having night and morning erections almost every day, although they are 80% at most. I have a much clearer mind and its hard to believe but music and the colors are much more beautiful and much clearer. I have better self esteem. I still have issues with it but maybe its just because i dont want to be a virgin anymore, however i cant change it yet. Earlier i had porn dreams but finally i have real sex dreams sometimes. I feel like i am in a flatline because i dont have random erections at all and i dont have real interest in sex and i wont be able to get an erection without a screen. I dont understand why is this because i have morning wood and i have a clearer mind.
Sadly i needed almost 6 years to realize that i am using porn and video games to run away from my problems and this is why i couldnt stop these addictions earlier. Now when i know i am enough strong to not run away, maybe i have gotten to a point where i cant heal my PIED anymore. If anyone healed severe pied (where you cant get hard even with porn) or you ejaculated without erection and you healed it please help.
This is the first time when i write down my experience with this addiction or when i ask help. I am 27 years old (28 in 4 months), and i am a virgin with very little experience with girls. I grew up with porn and video games and maybe i conditioned my brain to this artificial dopamine sources to a level where i can't heal.
I masturbated first time when i was 14 years old and whatched porn at 15. Fortunately i could use porn until the age of 19 only at the weekends and at summer (bacause i was in a boarding school at this time). After high school i worked for 2 years and then i fapped every day multiple times. After this i went to college. I was dating a girl who i knew from my childhood and who was like a dream girl for me and i think loved her but i wasnt interested in her sexually at all. I thought i was asexual but i didnt stop watching porn at the weekend. Plus on weekdays when i was in college i had flatline symptoms, although i didnt know what is happening with me. With that girl we stopped dating i guess she knew something was wrong with me. This happened in 2016 February. And at that time somehow i realized that i have problem with porn. As i wrote before i had flatline symptoms in weekdays and i remember i googled this "why do i have cold and small penis" and i found YBOP and NoFap. I started doing nofap and after like 60 days i got my morning wood back. I had morning wood last time when i was like 16 years old so i thought i was healed (now i think i wasnt yet). But my parents divorced and first i went back to masturbation and then i went back to porn. In 2017 i didnt try to reboot myself and i went back to my addiction fully.
Then from 2018 January i tried to quit porn a lot of times i went even 120 days without porn and i saw all the benefits (except random erections and real libido so i was never healed), but every time when i had any hardship in my life i went back to porn and masturbation. This was an escape for me until the second half of 2020. Then i made 120 days again in nofap hardmode, and when i relapsed it was only one relapse and not a binge. And i did nofap like this in whole 2021. I made a streak and then i went back to porn for a few days, only once a day for a much shorter time than before (never a binge). Which is the biggest problem, a lot of times i ejaculated with a weak erection around 30% and i fear from that maybe i conditioned my brain to ejaculate without an erection. I dont know if i can heal it or not. I am sure i couldnt get a full erection because i was in a flatline all the time and i just prolonged this flatline with this relapses.
My last relapse happened on December 29 so i am at 28 days today. Before this i made 40 days and i had night and morning wood almost every day. On this streak, which will be my last and forever lasting streak without porn i am having night and morning erections almost every day, although they are 80% at most. I have a much clearer mind and its hard to believe but music and the colors are much more beautiful and much clearer. I have better self esteem. I still have issues with it but maybe its just because i dont want to be a virgin anymore, however i cant change it yet. Earlier i had porn dreams but finally i have real sex dreams sometimes. I feel like i am in a flatline because i dont have random erections at all and i dont have real interest in sex and i wont be able to get an erection without a screen. I dont understand why is this because i have morning wood and i have a clearer mind.
Sadly i needed almost 6 years to realize that i am using porn and video games to run away from my problems and this is why i couldnt stop these addictions earlier. Now when i know i am enough strong to not run away, maybe i have gotten to a point where i cant heal my PIED anymore. If anyone healed severe pied (where you cant get hard even with porn) or you ejaculated without erection and you healed it please help.
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