After four months, I relapsed yesterday while browsing on reddit I got the urge to just check out some nudes just one time to see if I'll get aroused by it, after I viewed the first picture I didn't find myself having any erection at all, I didn't like what I saw, I said to myself how came I have been addicted to watching this and then I checked out went to read a book and then it came the thought to go watch some more but this time I said I'll watch a video just for few seconds and what happen is that I got a huge dopamine rush and I ejaculated in my pans with out mastrubating that never happed to me before I was very surprised and shocked, I couldn't suppress the orgasam everything happened so quickly and I wasn’t prepared for it, it was never my intention to ejaculate it just happened, I just felt this rush of pleasure and this uncomfortable feeling in my chest mixed with guilt, the video didn't last more than a minute, I felt like I'm going to throw up and I felt thirsty the reason I convinced myself to watch porn was to experiment how I would react to it physiologically and as I was watching that short video I was paying attention to the changes that were occurring to me such as increase in heart rate, shortness of breath, muscle tightness I didn't felt any sensation in my brain like I was thinking that I would feel the dopamine rush going through my brain, I did regret about going back to watch porn even though that my mind convinced me to reframe watching it as an experiment because I had promise myself and I swear that I would never watch it again but I did.
Today I got up earlier in the morning and I exercised and took a cold shower for more than 10 minutes and I had never taken a cold shower this long before my top record was about one minute but this time I am determined to not go back to watch porn again and that's how I punished myself, I will deprived myself from dopamine by doing a dopamine detox so I can keep myself in check and under control, in this last four days i was sleeping less than 5 hours and feeling more energies and that was due to eating a lot of sugar before bedtime and I was having a lot of sexual thoughts and sexual dreams, I got back to sugar addiction that I had stopped it simultaneously with porn addiction I lowered my intake of sugar way below the average range so I think getting back to eating more sugar stimulated my sexual desire and gave me that dopamine rush that had awaken the pleasure circuitry in my brain which will lead me to seek more pleasure.
Today I got up earlier in the morning and I exercised and took a cold shower for more than 10 minutes and I had never taken a cold shower this long before my top record was about one minute but this time I am determined to not go back to watch porn again and that's how I punished myself, I will deprived myself from dopamine by doing a dopamine detox so I can keep myself in check and under control, in this last four days i was sleeping less than 5 hours and feeling more energies and that was due to eating a lot of sugar before bedtime and I was having a lot of sexual thoughts and sexual dreams, I got back to sugar addiction that I had stopped it simultaneously with porn addiction I lowered my intake of sugar way below the average range so I think getting back to eating more sugar stimulated my sexual desire and gave me that dopamine rush that had awaken the pleasure circuitry in my brain which will lead me to seek more pleasure.
