I am starting over. The last two days I have used. I have PMO'd. What is worse is that it was at work, as I thought it would be easier to hide from my partner this way. No evidence. I am disappointed and disgusted at myself. I cannot believe I was able to get to nearly two weeks and now, in the past two weeks, have fallen off twice. Today I need to start again.
I equated this to quitting smoking. I think it is much harder than this. The comfort I feel, the pleasure, the knowledge that this is just for me when I use it, is very difficult to explain. I want to be able to stop. Today I start again. I think I need to check in here every day, and explain why I am feeling the way I feel. I don't feel good about myself right now. I don't feel good in my head. Is this why? Is the desperation I feel when I reach for my cell phone this bad that I cannot control an urge.
I want to feel normal again. Like I don't even need to use it. I want to feel like my partner is enough.
EN
I equated this to quitting smoking. I think it is much harder than this. The comfort I feel, the pleasure, the knowledge that this is just for me when I use it, is very difficult to explain. I want to be able to stop. Today I start again. I think I need to check in here every day, and explain why I am feeling the way I feel. I don't feel good about myself right now. I don't feel good in my head. Is this why? Is the desperation I feel when I reach for my cell phone this bad that I cannot control an urge.
I want to feel normal again. Like I don't even need to use it. I want to feel like my partner is enough.
EN