I Want Freedom

[TheGuy]

This is my first post.  I found YBOP about 2 months ago.  Since then I've managed to cut down dramatically.  I managed to go for about 4 weeks without P but tonight I browsed   Feels awful to watch that stuff again.  When I watch I get massive anxiety attacks and I get really angry at the people around me.
I was just getting used to social circumstances and my anxiety was dissipating.  Ok a one off tonight isn't a big deal, the big deal is massive reduction.  Well Done on that!
Here's my plan:
1) Write here at least weekly.
2) Stop using my Tab and read a book when going to bed.  LBrowsing YouTube in bed you can find sexy videos and that leads to the P.  So I have to get rid of that.
3) No PMO for 90 days.
4) Reward myself (learn to play musical instrument, language or something like that)
5) Try and smile at people (so hard with social anxiety)
6) Exercise!

I can totally do this, I have to do this; man I want freedom.

 

[fcjl8]

Sounds like you have done some great reflection on how PMO use affects you. You are working on some good strategies and have learned a lot in the 4 weeks that you were able to cut out using!

I agree, cut out screen time 30min to an hour before bed. Set a firm bed time as well.

Using a positive activity like learning to play a musical instrument is a really wonderful tool in battling this!

 

[TheGuy]

I originally got through at least 30 days by not watching porn and avoiding M.  But then after a few weeks I M to help sleep and relieve tension.  However, this started me on a slippery slope.  After I watched some YouTube with some sexy (but not porn) stuff then I began to fall back in the old habit of being super aroused.  That leads to M and watching more stuff that was not porn but was provocative.  Not watching porn isn't enough for me.  I have to unplug in a bigger way by not watching YouTube, not checking out dating apps, not reading stories etc...

I really need to unplug from anything sexually provocative because it seems to have a link back to porn in an underlying way.  I might watch something and then it can effect me a few hours to a few days later, driving me back to porn.
Back to day 0, 18 hours.  On the bright side, if success is a habit, then trying to quit porn again by reviewing strategy is a step toward success.

 

[alotofhopenow]

I remember just about the time I was quitting porn, a colleague asked me my plans for a work related activity and I could barely answer him.  My brain was completely scattered, I had to think about everything for seconds before I can answer.  Crazy.  Since I've reduced I am starting to take charge again and its great.  Now I'm at least 20% better at remembering, I can think on my feet, I feel smart again, I'm getting my confidence back albeit slowly.  I can talk to people, stare them in the eye without getting any weird sexualisation, people used to freak me out and I always thought they were judging me.  I went completely paranoid.  But I think its more about my own feelings about my self; judging my self that is.  I've watched stuff that I find weird and disturbing like incest.  I find that really troubling but I feel good to be able to disclose that here and talk about it.

I'm really happy about removing this horror from my life even if its one step at a time.

I agree with a lot of what you've said here! I've had the same problems and have felt enormously more "clear" since giving up porn.

Also the darkness and embarrassment at looking at "distubring porn".  For me I think its just a form of ramping up. First Sears catalogue is enough, but then its full nudity, then its videos, then its darker porn and darker porn. Like going from cigarettes, to booze, to pot, to cocaine or something.

And then the embarrassment and judgements afterwards. You're not alone on that.

 

[TheGuy]

Didn't get past 3 days.  Sorry I'm a bit sad as I was doing very well and really want to get past this stupid porn stuff.

 

[dogtired]

The fact that you own up to it is a big step. You've made it 30 days before, I wouldn't sweat a lapse after 3. Just refocus your energy and use this past relapse as motivation.

Just stick to your original plan my friend. You'll get there.

 

[TheGuy]

Up to day 7.  I've been having a lot of urges to PMO and M.  But as I explore why I feel like that it makes more sense than ever that I've become a dophamine addict to PMO.  When I think like that it gets easier and easier to resist those urges.  Further, I actually feel better about myself not PMO and I get a lot more done too.

Here's to day 7 

 

[fcjl8]

You must be day 8 or 9 now! Awesome sir!

 

[TheGuy]

Hi you all,

Well I got to 52 days without watching porn and just had a major relapse.
I'm not too concerned right now but I really don't want to get back in this habit.
Things have been better these 50 or so days with less social anxiety, feeling better about myself and more self confidence.
I think I will also get some therapy to help to because I realise how much of an important battle this is to win.

My best to you call, back to day one but with great hope.

Peace.