Lemthewiser
Member
I am here to vent. I stopped watching porn in its traditional sense a while ago. I've gone streaks when I've abstained from porn and I've felt great. My most recent success was last year, I was feeling amazing, no issues or anxiety towards my performance, that feeling is priceless. Then I made a video with one of my partners and watched it back not thinking anything of it. Over the next few days I started experiencing that similar anxiety, and was unable to go more than one round like I could just days before. This is a pattern for me.
In December I decided to reboot again, no PMO. Its been tough mentally. The hardest part is feeling like I need to avoid starting a new relationship or getting involved with a new woman before I am able to bring my full self into a situation without limitations. I'm a social and friendly person, and I'm always meeting new people and not to sound like any particular way, but I meet women that are interested frequently enough. It KILLS me to avoid going after what I really want because I'm just not there yet.
Everything was going good in terms of my progress. In mid January people came over to my place to hangout, we all got drunk and I ended up in a situation with a woman that was really aggressive. In the back of my mind I knew I still had plenty of healing time left but I wanted it badly, I wanted to feel regular again. Things happened, round 1 was great - I was happy, round 2 I was back to having my issues
. It was really deflating. Then I had to have that conversation with her about not wanting to be involved again a few days later. I'm so tired of holding back my life. Since then, I have had two other woman make passes at me. Really great, beautiful, smart, high quality women -- they see value in me, they want to pursue something with me SMH. And here I am still going through this journey. I'm going to push through March and I'm working on being more open about my situation, but its difficult.
I really hope this is the last time I ever feel or deal with this. Thanks for reading.
In December I decided to reboot again, no PMO. Its been tough mentally. The hardest part is feeling like I need to avoid starting a new relationship or getting involved with a new woman before I am able to bring my full self into a situation without limitations. I'm a social and friendly person, and I'm always meeting new people and not to sound like any particular way, but I meet women that are interested frequently enough. It KILLS me to avoid going after what I really want because I'm just not there yet.
Everything was going good in terms of my progress. In mid January people came over to my place to hangout, we all got drunk and I ended up in a situation with a woman that was really aggressive. In the back of my mind I knew I still had plenty of healing time left but I wanted it badly, I wanted to feel regular again. Things happened, round 1 was great - I was happy, round 2 I was back to having my issues
. It was really deflating. Then I had to have that conversation with her about not wanting to be involved again a few days later. I'm so tired of holding back my life. Since then, I have had two other woman make passes at me. Really great, beautiful, smart, high quality women -- they see value in me, they want to pursue something with me SMH. And here I am still going through this journey. I'm going to push through March and I'm working on being more open about my situation, but its difficult. I really hope this is the last time I ever feel or deal with this. Thanks for reading.