Hello,
I'm 39 years old and have been addicted to pmo for well over 15 years. I have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder which I attribute my triggers to (not blame, but identifying the source of dissatisfaction, emotional pain and suffering which I used pmo, drinking and smoking to alleviate) and there is a good chance that I am on the autism spectrum (awaiting diagnosis). I currently do not have a job and I'm living with my father whom, I know deep down, wants to see me living independently on my own. I'm grateful for his patience with my process. My interests include video games, writing (in the process of a fantasy adventure novel), reading, and petting cats at the local animal shelter. It's only after two forays into my state's mental hospital that I'm starting to realize that my video game hobby needs to be toned down and replaced with something else. I long to have a good relationship with a good woman but accept that the path to this goal is a long one, full of mysteries I am vaguely aware exist but have yet to unveil. You can't force this kind of change.
My addiction has gotten to the point where my testes are now sore every day. I feel confused with the information, or lack of information, around the neurological effects of long-term pmo abuse. Maybe I haven't looked hard enough. It's been a struggle just to maintain the belief that my pmo addiction is one of leading causes of my neurological symptoms, and the doubt that comes out of this has been the main trigger to feel that wonderful rush of dopamine one gets after o. "There's no problem with pmo. All the doctors say so!" is the excuse I keep using. There's a chance my brain works the way it does because of autism, but I can't help but strongly feel that 15+ years of 5-8 times pmoing a day had a negative result on my neurological health. I've tried talking to doctors about this but none can help. "It's normal" they said. "It's just a hit of dopamine" they said. Yeah, tell that to my screaming testicles.
It is with the awareness of the state of our planet and civilization that I am renewed in the effort to give my brain (and junk) the rest they sorely need. I believe dark times are ahead for our entire world and if I'm going to help in any way, I need to be in tip-top neurological shape. I am afraid for all of us Homo Sapien Sapiens and am using this fear to transform into something, anything, that resembles a light in the shadows of this planet. The only other recourse is death and my sense of self-preservation does not accept that.
So here I am. Vulnerable and seemingly broken but still seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Good luck to everyone and thank you for reading.
I'm 39 years old and have been addicted to pmo for well over 15 years. I have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder which I attribute my triggers to (not blame, but identifying the source of dissatisfaction, emotional pain and suffering which I used pmo, drinking and smoking to alleviate) and there is a good chance that I am on the autism spectrum (awaiting diagnosis). I currently do not have a job and I'm living with my father whom, I know deep down, wants to see me living independently on my own. I'm grateful for his patience with my process. My interests include video games, writing (in the process of a fantasy adventure novel), reading, and petting cats at the local animal shelter. It's only after two forays into my state's mental hospital that I'm starting to realize that my video game hobby needs to be toned down and replaced with something else. I long to have a good relationship with a good woman but accept that the path to this goal is a long one, full of mysteries I am vaguely aware exist but have yet to unveil. You can't force this kind of change.
My addiction has gotten to the point where my testes are now sore every day. I feel confused with the information, or lack of information, around the neurological effects of long-term pmo abuse. Maybe I haven't looked hard enough. It's been a struggle just to maintain the belief that my pmo addiction is one of leading causes of my neurological symptoms, and the doubt that comes out of this has been the main trigger to feel that wonderful rush of dopamine one gets after o. "There's no problem with pmo. All the doctors say so!" is the excuse I keep using. There's a chance my brain works the way it does because of autism, but I can't help but strongly feel that 15+ years of 5-8 times pmoing a day had a negative result on my neurological health. I've tried talking to doctors about this but none can help. "It's normal" they said. "It's just a hit of dopamine" they said. Yeah, tell that to my screaming testicles.
It is with the awareness of the state of our planet and civilization that I am renewed in the effort to give my brain (and junk) the rest they sorely need. I believe dark times are ahead for our entire world and if I'm going to help in any way, I need to be in tip-top neurological shape. I am afraid for all of us Homo Sapien Sapiens and am using this fear to transform into something, anything, that resembles a light in the shadows of this planet. The only other recourse is death and my sense of self-preservation does not accept that.
So here I am. Vulnerable and seemingly broken but still seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Good luck to everyone and thank you for reading.
