I have a girlfriend, but still relapse.

[AdamReboot]

Hey everyone,
I’m 19 and have been having issues with porn for a couple of years. I started watching porn around the age of 10. I’ve had some unsuccesful experiences with girls in the past, but I didn’t think it was caused by porn. Then about 2 years ago I had a girlfriend and supprisingly sex was great most of the times (about 80%). That relationship lasted 1,5years, but after that everything went wrong. Last summer I had around 5 unsuccessful attempts in a row and that really broke my confidence. Right now I’m having a girlfriend again, I love her so much and I was able to tell her about my addiction.
I was able to have great sex with her, with full erection, but only a couple of times. The rest was just like last summer.
Since I told her what my problem is, I started the reboot, but I relapsed.
The problem is, when I get home and lay down to my bed, something switches in my brain and I can’t control myself. Lately I’ve been trying to spend the least amount of time at home, but that’s obviously not managable on the long run.
Could you give me some advice on how to control that “switch”? I’m also working out, I spend a lot of time with friends and I always tell my girl how my reboot is going. But right now I feel a little hopeless.

 

[pswizzle]

Some advice for triggers of any kind, not just porn urges is to first recognize them. Try to make a mental note of that feeling, and describe it. Do you feel anxious? Out of breath? Distracted etc. I had developed an anxiety issue last year, I was having random unexplained panic attacks, and went to therapy. This is what my therapist told me to do, and frankly it has helped a lot. When I start to feel anxiety symptoms come up, I assess and recognize and say to myself "OK, you are having anxiety right now."

The next step is preparing a safety plan. So you are aware and have noticed you are triggered tell yourself: "I am triggered and want to watch porn" and then, breathe. Sit with those feelings and try to think about how your body is feeling. Take slow deep breaths: In - 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 and out 1 - 2 - 3 - 4, do this a few times. Hopefully you can then remove yourself from where you are and try to do something else. If its night time and you need to sleep, remove your laptop, phone etc from your room. put them in a drawer, or your kitchen, and turn them off.

Good luck

 

[Deleted member 27008]

"The problem is, when I get home and lay down to my bed, something switches in my brain and I can’t control myself."

Actually, what you say is very important. I talked about this in another thread. muscle memory status is valid. In certain positions and situations, the mind automatically invokes certain thoughts.
think like that. You like to sleep on long trips. one day you set off without need sleep. You will fall asleep after a while. because the body has linked this state with sleep.
same goes for pmo. I'm experiencing this too, man. Although I did not have an urge, when I lay on my back on the bed, I suddenly had urges. my mind connected this position with pmo.
The best thing to do in this situation is to get out of bed and not return until the urge has calmed down. You need to spend less time in bed. The brain breaks the pmo connection with this position after a while. Until then, you have to be patient and take precautions.

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

"The problem is, when I get home and lay down to my bed, something switches in my brain and I can’t control myself."

Actually, what you say is very important. I talked about this in another thread. muscle memory status is valid. In certain positions and situations, the mind automatically invokes certain thoughts.
think like that. You like to sleep on long trips. one day you set off without need sleep. You will fall asleep after a while. because the body has linked this state with sleep.
same goes for pmo. I'm experiencing this too, man. Although I did not have an urge, when I lay on my back on the bed, I suddenly had urges. my mind connected this position with pmo.
The best thing to do in this situation is to get out of bed and not return until the urge has calmed down. You need to spend less time in bed. The brain breaks the pmo connection with this position after a while. Until then, you have to be patient and take precautions.

Yes, definitely. What you do over and over again becomes habit. When I was 14, I used to masturbate from fantasies and flashbacks first thing in the morning and later I used that as a "warm-up" for porn sessions, I would wake up, do some edging to fantasies/flashbacks and then move on to masturbating to porn on my computer that was in my room. Even to this day when I wake up in the morning I get this huge urge to edge to fantasies and flashbacks. But not answering to the call of the habit is a habit itself. We need to disrupt the habits created by porn.