Day 7 guys! This is possible! I’m doing a ton of work though. I heard advice in a group that white knuckling and “fighting” an urge or impulse won’t work, in fact you end up more anxious and thinking about it more. I’ve been trying to accept thoughts as they come, think about why the thought is there, if it is something I truly want, then just let it go. Seems to be working! Spending more time outside, thinking about what life really means and what the plan is for me, enjoying small things and talking to others that have this struggle is making a difference. Still challenging and I have to force myself to do work like talking and addressing things I didn’t care to address, and taking responsibility for my actions. Growth is painful but I do think it’s the way out of this.
Accountability Partner
- Thread starter Chapieboy
- Start date
BrunoBrook
Member
Hey man, I’m so glad to hear you’ve reached day 7. Thank you for all the advice, I think I see the mistake that I’ve been making through my failed attempts.
Happy for you bro. That is the way. I've been thinking these days of telling someone about this struggle. I think I have found a friend that I might turn to. I'm kinda nervous but also optimistic. I'm happy for you bro! This is day 2 for me now. I'm making plans today and I'm looking for a group meeting to put myself out there with more people
BrunoBrook
Member
Hey guys. Unfortunately, today during day 5, I relapsed. I feel disappointed in myself that I didn’t try to control myself, especially with my longest streak in a long time.
Still going guys 
You’re both in my prayers. Bruno, if you feel comfortable, it might help to share what happened or what you were thinking leading up to your relapse. What frame of mind you were in, what was bothering you, or if any life stressors were occurring. Just a thought. Peace my friend.
You’re both in my prayers. Bruno, if you feel comfortable, it might help to share what happened or what you were thinking leading up to your relapse. What frame of mind you were in, what was bothering you, or if any life stressors were occurring. Just a thought. Peace my friend.TheRaucousHippo
Member
Hey man, I am looking for.communiry too and an accountibility partner. I'm on the verge of losing my relationship with the love of my life. My bio is short, just the post from 5 years ago when she first found out I was an addict and then the one from today. Thought I could do it on my own. Dead wrong. Here to help as much as I can. Not Sure how much that is. Community is the big thing though. I've been very isolated.
All good bro!!! Keep your head up! Do you mind telling me if you can what plans or strategies you have in place to help you? I've been making plans for urges and my triggers to prepare myself if things happen and it has been very helpful!
You're very welcome here! Please do not stay isolated! I know it's hard but I hope you know you can express yourself with us. Seriously, what ever you have on your chest or mind just express here it!
TheRaucousHippo
Member
Thanks for the support. Tired out from work today but I will. If you don't mind me asking, how old are you? Do you have a journal thread I can look at?
Hey Hippo, sorry to hear this. It’s brutal knowing someone you love is hurting so badly and even worse when you’re the one that’s caused it, I feel you man. A lot of what I hear from those further along in recovery than I am is to start exploring why you have this problem. For a big percentage of us the cause is trauma related, but that’s a bear most of us don’t want to poke. I certainly didn’t. If that’s not the case, I still think it’s worth acknowledging you’re probably traumatized yourself by the stuff you’ve seen at this point since this addiction escalates. I imagine most of us here have seen things online that we’d never in our nightmares have thought we would as kids. Bad for your brain.
TheRaucousHippo
Member
Here is my journal. It is short. I did not take this community as seriously as I should have then. Man, my life would be different. I am 26 now. I have struggled with a ton of stress and guilt through 5 years of a relationship with this in the background. and with a woman that I would like to spend my life with. Now that is all up in the air. I do not have control. But this time I am going all in. I have been under the thrall of this addiction for basically my entire life now. I am eager to see what life outside is like.
Please feel free to drop in on my journal and comment. I will be updating it daily as much as I can now. I have bookmarked this and will check in here.
I am looking for one serious accountability partner for 1 on 1 support just so that we can both always have someone reliable when we need them. That said, even though I am new here, I am happy to support anyone as much as I can.
TheRaucousHippo
Member
Hair, I know of some trauma in my past. Related to this and related to things that were outside of my control (not that I had much control as a child over my P exposure). I am going for a full abstinence 90 days. I have a personal therapist and a couples therapist (although I am not sure how long the second one will be relevant). I'd like to get to know yall more and learn from the community. I will be spending a lot of time here. I wasted so much of my life sitting around and playing video games, which only increased my P use and isolation. So many hours that I could have spent with my partner before this happened.... Anyways, this, sleep, exercise, meditation, reading, etc will be all I'm doing for the foreseeable future, so I will have plenty of time to get to know everyone.
BTW, this is day 7 for me, but I only started my 90 day clock yesterday. 89 to go...
Hippo I read your journal and cried. Your story very closely mirrors mine. I’m so so sorry man.
For me a big part of this was letting go and being willing to never touch porn for the rest of my life. In the back of my head I’d realized I’d always left myself escape hatches of the pain of life got to be too much. Quitting this is more about changing the way your brain thinks about life and processing your trauma than it is just stopping watching porn. It’s an extremely painful and messy process to look at yourself and realize you were not the “good person” you thought you were and especially to admit the reasons why. Reach out whenever you can my friend. I got your back and I understand everything you’re going through.
Another thing for you Hippo,
If you haven’t heard the term yet, what your partner is going though is called betrayal trauma. Unfortunately it is something I’ve learned words will not fix alone, it takes a lot of time and proof via actions to rebuild trust in the relationship. You also have to be willing to let your partner go and realize they pain may be too much to forgive. I was ready for that when I disclosed everything, somehow by the grace of God we are trying to work things out, but I think a lot of that was me giving her space and time to express her pain without making it about me. “I understand” and “I hear you,” or empathizing with her without letting your own shame get out of control is important.
Also extremely difficult as shame is our go-to place. Anyway, leave my friend. Chappie and Bruno, praying for you guys too.
If you haven’t heard the term yet, what your partner is going though is called betrayal trauma. Unfortunately it is something I’ve learned words will not fix alone, it takes a lot of time and proof via actions to rebuild trust in the relationship. You also have to be willing to let your partner go and realize they pain may be too much to forgive. I was ready for that when I disclosed everything, somehow by the grace of God we are trying to work things out, but I think a lot of that was me giving her space and time to express her pain without making it about me. “I understand” and “I hear you,” or empathizing with her without letting your own shame get out of control is important.
Also extremely difficult as shame is our go-to place. Anyway, leave my friend. Chappie and Bruno, praying for you guys too.
TheRaucousHippo
Member
Thanks. That's the kind of advice I really need. I struggle alot with knowing what to do regarding my partner in this situation. My mind literally is blank. I'm trying to do some reading to help me understand. The fact that she didn't kick me out 5 days ago is a miracle. We will see what happens. She's very hurt and disgusted and betrayed
BrunoBrook
Member
Hi there. I realize that unfortunately, I will not be able to provide as much advice as others in the groups. I am a teenager, and although I’ve used this awful thing for a long time, I haven’t gone through many of the things you’ve gone through. I am so sorry for what y’all have been through, and I hope that y’all stay strong to finally get this addiction out of your lives.
TheRaucousHippo
Member
I'll say this to you man. The time that I was most clean was probably between 13 and 15 years old. I think back to that time every single day and wonder what my younger self knew that I had somehow forgotten or f***** up now. Just because you're young and you don't have experience doesn't mean that you don't have something to contribute. Everybody has their own wisdom. There are things that I knew and felt when I was younger that I lost track of when my life got more busy. So don't think that your thoughts are less valuable just because you have been struggling for shorter amount of time. Really, those of us that have been struggling for longer amount of time should listen to the younger folks among Us that have insight. Because it's clear that I've been making mistakes for 5 years. And really for 10 years. And really for 15 years. When somebody comes to this situation without that kind of baggage they contain a wisdom that maybe they discount, but it's really valuable. Us over folks that still haven't kicked this, it's a sign that we've been going the wrong way. If you have the right wisdom as a teenager then there is something that we could learn from you.