My name is Cody I'm 34 and I've watched or viewed porn in some way or form since highschool. I remember seeing some magazines when I was younger but the addiction didnt start until I had internet. All through college and even up until now. Been married since 2016 and my porn addiction has now, as of this weekend, caused my wife to leave and go home to live with her family. I was purchasing subscriptions, talking with other women, and keeping it all a secret from her. She now knows and I have told her everything and she is beyond hurt. I have started by removing all my social media's from my phone and deactivation all my subscriptions. I have never acted on talking to any of these women physically but for what I have done behind my wife's back talking to them or giving them money for content is unacceptable. I'm just looking for some help and guidance on what to do. I know I have destroyed all trust between her and I but I don't want to lose her because I love her so much. Just lost and looking for help.
I need help to make the change.
- Thread starter Cwatt05
- Start date
I have joined this forum looking for help and support, joined a support group app called Relay as well, also reached out to a local church to see if I could get some form of counceling about this. I don't want to give up on myself or my wife. I have hurt her beyond anything I can imagine and it was never my intention to do so. I don't want to lose her and I want to do everything in my power to try and fix everything I can.
jcwright
Member
I wrote a post on November 23, 2021 and I explained in detail what I did. It works. Please take a look at it. Not all is lost but if she sees some major changes in you, she will probably come back. Don't give up though.
I appreciate you reaching out. I for sure will go check it out. Thank you. Not gonna give up, I have to try everything I can.
Prakash
Member
Dont think about more..... Quit the porn doing nofaf... After some month you reduce your all mental problems... And gain sexual power... When you have sexual power then your wife will come running to you
Connected with a church in town to start speaking with someone. Going go attend the service tomorrow then speak with the pastor aftwards. Talked on the phone with him for almost 30 min this morning. Still feeling ashamed and not deserving of any forgiveness for putting my wife through all this. I talked with other girls, I watched porn and masterbated, I paid girls for content. I feel awful for what I've done and there's no excusing it. I do not want to lose her and not sure what I'm doing yet is going to be enough. I dont want her to give up on me but I don't blame her if she does. I have let her know that I'm trying to get help for this. I want to help her too but I don't know how or if I can even. I have screwed up so much.
downhillfromhere
Well-Known Member
I would watch this if you haven't already. It's a TEDx talk that got me thinking in a completely different way about porn use, and of the consequences on my life. Look for as much information as you can regarding addiction, both porn and generally. Learning about it will make you more aware of how this thing is controlling your life.
Talking with other women makes the problem more complicated, but I think it's highly likely that all of it is coming from the same place, the same form of addiction.
I don't see anything wrong with asking your local church for help, but personally I would probably also look to see a psychiatrist. Look for someone who you know has experience with similar issues - getting the wrong person for something like this is not going to be helpful to you.
Personally I think regarding your wife, the way to help her is to focus on building back trust with her. I think letting her know what's been going on is a good thing in the long run. Let her know you are searching for help and that you're trying to change, and give her all the time she needs to decide what she wants to do.
All the best.
Talking with other women makes the problem more complicated, but I think it's highly likely that all of it is coming from the same place, the same form of addiction.
I don't see anything wrong with asking your local church for help, but personally I would probably also look to see a psychiatrist. Look for someone who you know has experience with similar issues - getting the wrong person for something like this is not going to be helpful to you.
Personally I think regarding your wife, the way to help her is to focus on building back trust with her. I think letting her know what's been going on is a good thing in the long run. Let her know you are searching for help and that you're trying to change, and give her all the time she needs to decide what she wants to do.
All the best.
particularly_respecting
Active Member
Hope you're doing okay
I think you can fix this - never forget the feeling above
Never forget the hurt and pain you have caused your wife
Let it be your catalyst for change
Make this positive change in your life - become the man your wife wants you to be now
I think everyone in this community wants you to succeed - you got this brother!
Update, kind of anxious about going to the church tonight and talking with the pastor. Its embarrassing but its something I have to do. Wife is going through all my socials and I am not going to fight any of it. She deserves to find whatever she needs to. I have done wrong and there's no excusing myself from it. Talking with any girls other than my wife is a huge mistake and I regret doing any of it because I kept it secretive which is completely wrong. Not sure how I'm going to be able to make up for any of this. Like I said I'm not fighting her on anything and I am answering her questions and admitting my guilt. I have to show her I'm done and am willing to quit everything and not be tempted to do it again. Have a well deserved pit in my stomach about all this and I deserve to feel even worse.