2022-04-18 - ROUND 04 - DAY 01
It's time to see how I can use the MBTI framework in an unorthodox way.
Behavior Sampling From an RPG Game
I play
Dragon's Dogma. The origin of the nick I'm using,
Arthacos. And I was reflecting about how my mind works based on my combat style.
So, this is how my Natural
Inclinations affect my
Pawns: Boring foes first (
Challenger, First Inclination or "Who?"), paying attention to health and stamina (
Medicant, Second or "How?") in order to have a clean battle against the strong foes (
Scather, Third or "Else?").
Then, I have my Opposite Role in combat: Loot (Acquisitor), exploiting enemy weaknesses (Utilitarian) and finally, leaving no one to tell history (Mitigator).
And my unconscious relationship with my AI partners: I need them close to me (Guardian), helping each other (Nexus). Sending them away to explore alone (Pioneer) is the last thing I want.
Cognitive Battlegrounds
I was doing a complex thinking so I'll provide some minimal context in order to give you some idea about what I'm talking about.
The Battleground of Titans is between the biggest forces in the psyche — the apex of the Ego and Superego. The battle is over which Titan will have more influence in the psyche.
The Superego is in direct competition and challenge to your Ego and its strengths. The Superego and Reflector Functions represent the “other way of doing things.”
Quotes From the Article:
The Cognitive Battlegrounds With Chris Taylor.
As My MBTI is the ENTP, my Battleground of Titans is between ENTP conscious and ESFP "demon".
My developed logical personality Vs. the thief I was when I was teenager (or the porn addicted I hide from society). The hacker Vs. the artist in me. My Natural Inclinations Vs. my Opposite Role in combat.
Now... What's the role of my ISFJ subconscious?
This video can be useful to understand the four sides of an ENTP's mind:
Who Are The ENTPs (The Rogue)? | ENTP Cognitive Functions | CS Joseph
He's in the Battleground of Inhibition. The inferior functions are triggered in moments of intense pain.
So, he's responsible to trigger my anxieties. And this is how my ESFP superego takes place.
It's the response. When my Intellectual ENTP fails me, my wild ESFP side (that is underdeveloped as I'm not this archetype) will rule in his place in order to protect my ISFJ subconscious. And the INTJ nemesis will make the plans, the methods, the timing, the strong will, the every process before any relapse I was able to track. It's the result of these both Inhibition reflectors.
BEFORE EVERY RELAPSE, I WAS IN A DEEPLY INNER CONFLICT, PLAYING A LONG DEBATE IN ORDER TO DECIDE IF WOULD I RELAPSE OR NOT.
Maybe my unconscious relationship with my AI partners reflects what my ISFJ mind expects from people around me. This can be the key to understand and track the every possible unidentified trigger I can have. I can track some relapses when someone close to me was away and in danger (my little sister visiting her father in a Brazilian Favela, the Hell on Earth). Another one when they're in other harmful situations.
All my addiction started when my abusive uncle started making my grandma suffering (and his abuses persist until this day). I guess my subconscious waits for a generalized revenge (or justice). When I lost my Faith, the hope in the justice of God was also gone. Everyone is going to have the same destiny and as an Atheist, this is the most painful belief (because it's impossible to test if there's or there's not justice about death) I had to accept. The scientific method can't help me.
In Truth, I'll never find anything, any feeling or anything else in me. What my memories are telling me is not about my own suffering. It's about the suffering of the weak ones around me. I'm very tolerant about my suffering but very aggressive against cowards. Because I'm strong, they hit the weak, especially the weak I love because this is the only way they can hit me.
Summarizing: my inner "Paladin" can't trust in my personality to deal with the suffering of the weak around me. Because I fake that I don't care. But I do care. And because I'm being repressive, he's calling reinforcement. He thinks that my bandit, crazy and wild side can do more justice than my sober, technical and intellectual side.
