Hi I’m new to this entire thing .
I am 34 year old female and I’m sorry if this is long as hell but I have to get this entire story off my chest because I’ve been living with this for 2 years . I have felt so ashamed and embarrassed, devastated, disgusted and every emotion you can think of. But I feel some type of peace knowing I’m not alone . My fiancé is addicted to porn and serial online cheating .
and i am in complete disbelief.
we’ve been together for over 2 years now and I am absolutely in love with this man . He’s brilliant and talented beyond belief with art .
when we met it was on fb . we just hit it off from the start Perfection, happiness, safety , partnership and just made my life and my daughters so much more.
He told me that before we even attempted to have sex that he had issues with holding an erection and cumming.
ok.. alright damn that happens we will deal with it when the time comes . I notice very soon that he would ask for pictures or videos of me and tell me he’s horny when he’s at home . I’m not a woman who shares photos it’s creepy and I don’t want my body out there for all. But I did it once. And regretted it ,thinking damn how many chicks sent him pics ?? because obviously he’s going to ask. Immediately he tells me he isn’t into porn and it’s stupid and prefers the real deal , GIANT red flag btw. Fast forward a few months of awkward sex. ZERO connection , dead fish No want or desire to even apply effort , just like dead to the emotional part of sex . And Intimacy was completely absent so the sex 40 minutes 60 minutes 2 hours of me working to make him orgasm if he can even at all. So I start noticing a pattern when a man doesn’t see his gf in 3 days he should be able to cum. If he was spending more time with me he was able to sometimes get off. If he was not with me when he was back to the same old issues. Also at this time I noticed a certain female who was added and whom she messaged him on fb for a few days Immediately I said something is off . So one night she asked him if he had snap chat and he responded no, made fun of her and then left my house where we were laying in bed about an hour later. To go jerk off to this girl on Snapchat . That night I said to myself “ he’s cheating “ so the next day I messaged the girl and told her I knew he was cheating on me with her , she confirmed and sent me everything he was saying and pictures.
devastated is not the word, you can never un see what you saw I was hysterical, broken I wanted to die . And I confronted him . He cried begged for forgiveness deleted all forms of social media which for him was HUGE because he’s a tattoo artist and social media is his life . So he promised it was a mistake and would never again do that. And I believe him that he has not cheated again. He moved in and Soon after I got pregnant Which was something that was hard to do because he hardly could cum.but the more I dug into his phone and iPad I found more and more and more lies , he was chatting with more than 4 girls at the same time and it wasn’t just me he cheated on , he never deleted anything from his phone . YEARS of cheating only online . Mainly because I’m assuming he can’t keep an erection so he lived his days in very short relationships and always chatting sexting and porn with every girlfriend he had .
sadly I ended up loosing the baby and my health and mental health spiraled out of control .
I hated myself , I was ugly , disgusting, I didn’t want to see my body or him to see me . I felt like i was worthless and my body wasn’t good enough, I wasn’t enough and I can never compare with what he was looking at for porn , the girls on the other hand
We decided we wanted to try again for a baby so we decided there would be no porn because it was so rare he would ejaculate . For about 4-5 months he was getting off every time and no issues with his penis going soft or anything.
then I started noticing again a pattern and he lied said he wasn’t watching porn , of course I found the porn and I blocked everything. Who can’t stop themselves from jerking off when they are trying to have a baby ? And you know you have issues … so again everything went back to normal for a while, I ended up losing my father and was going to fly out of state and had a series of massive anxiety attacks that landed me in the hospital for a week.
that’s all it took was one week for me to be away and I noticed right away and he lied again. He wasn’t able to watch porn so he went on YouTube and watched girls in thongs shaking their asses . Of course I confronted him and he wanted to leave me . Said he has an issue and admits it and didn’t ever think porn was the Cause . At this point something is wrong and I need to know how we can work through this , and how can we work through this? Can he change? He says he wants to , he doesn’t want to lose me and I want to be there for him . Does anyone have any advice on what to do ?
Do we stop having sex ?
Obviously blocking everything he has on everything
Social media is out
How the actual hell do I process this and be strong when I feel like I can’t comprehend this . I’ve read all day on this forum and this is some serious shit! It’s scary
I am 34 year old female and I’m sorry if this is long as hell but I have to get this entire story off my chest because I’ve been living with this for 2 years . I have felt so ashamed and embarrassed, devastated, disgusted and every emotion you can think of. But I feel some type of peace knowing I’m not alone . My fiancé is addicted to porn and serial online cheating .
and i am in complete disbelief.
we’ve been together for over 2 years now and I am absolutely in love with this man . He’s brilliant and talented beyond belief with art .
when we met it was on fb . we just hit it off from the start Perfection, happiness, safety , partnership and just made my life and my daughters so much more.
He told me that before we even attempted to have sex that he had issues with holding an erection and cumming.
ok.. alright damn that happens we will deal with it when the time comes . I notice very soon that he would ask for pictures or videos of me and tell me he’s horny when he’s at home . I’m not a woman who shares photos it’s creepy and I don’t want my body out there for all. But I did it once. And regretted it ,thinking damn how many chicks sent him pics ?? because obviously he’s going to ask. Immediately he tells me he isn’t into porn and it’s stupid and prefers the real deal , GIANT red flag btw. Fast forward a few months of awkward sex. ZERO connection , dead fish No want or desire to even apply effort , just like dead to the emotional part of sex . And Intimacy was completely absent so the sex 40 minutes 60 minutes 2 hours of me working to make him orgasm if he can even at all. So I start noticing a pattern when a man doesn’t see his gf in 3 days he should be able to cum. If he was spending more time with me he was able to sometimes get off. If he was not with me when he was back to the same old issues. Also at this time I noticed a certain female who was added and whom she messaged him on fb for a few days Immediately I said something is off . So one night she asked him if he had snap chat and he responded no, made fun of her and then left my house where we were laying in bed about an hour later. To go jerk off to this girl on Snapchat . That night I said to myself “ he’s cheating “ so the next day I messaged the girl and told her I knew he was cheating on me with her , she confirmed and sent me everything he was saying and pictures.
devastated is not the word, you can never un see what you saw I was hysterical, broken I wanted to die . And I confronted him . He cried begged for forgiveness deleted all forms of social media which for him was HUGE because he’s a tattoo artist and social media is his life . So he promised it was a mistake and would never again do that. And I believe him that he has not cheated again. He moved in and Soon after I got pregnant Which was something that was hard to do because he hardly could cum.but the more I dug into his phone and iPad I found more and more and more lies , he was chatting with more than 4 girls at the same time and it wasn’t just me he cheated on , he never deleted anything from his phone . YEARS of cheating only online . Mainly because I’m assuming he can’t keep an erection so he lived his days in very short relationships and always chatting sexting and porn with every girlfriend he had .
sadly I ended up loosing the baby and my health and mental health spiraled out of control .
I hated myself , I was ugly , disgusting, I didn’t want to see my body or him to see me . I felt like i was worthless and my body wasn’t good enough, I wasn’t enough and I can never compare with what he was looking at for porn , the girls on the other hand
We decided we wanted to try again for a baby so we decided there would be no porn because it was so rare he would ejaculate . For about 4-5 months he was getting off every time and no issues with his penis going soft or anything.
then I started noticing again a pattern and he lied said he wasn’t watching porn , of course I found the porn and I blocked everything. Who can’t stop themselves from jerking off when they are trying to have a baby ? And you know you have issues … so again everything went back to normal for a while, I ended up losing my father and was going to fly out of state and had a series of massive anxiety attacks that landed me in the hospital for a week.
that’s all it took was one week for me to be away and I noticed right away and he lied again. He wasn’t able to watch porn so he went on YouTube and watched girls in thongs shaking their asses . Of course I confronted him and he wanted to leave me . Said he has an issue and admits it and didn’t ever think porn was the Cause . At this point something is wrong and I need to know how we can work through this , and how can we work through this? Can he change? He says he wants to , he doesn’t want to lose me and I want to be there for him . Does anyone have any advice on what to do ?
Do we stop having sex ?
Obviously blocking everything he has on everything
Social media is out
How the actual hell do I process this and be strong when I feel like I can’t comprehend this . I’ve read all day on this forum and this is some serious shit! It’s scary