Wanderer88
New Member
Hi,
I am 33 years old and a porn addict. Little background: I was introduced to porn at the age of 5, by my grandfather. He would rent VHS porn at our local video store, then record them (illegally of course) onto a blank VHS tape. My grandfather and I were very close during those early years, and until this day I am not sure why he would allow me to watch those videos. Of course he would also let me watch movies that had more of a softcore porn touch to it, nude scenes ect. It definitely had an impact on me psychologically. I can still remember at a very early age (5-10) I would try to act out what I saw in those movies with a girl my mother would babysit. As I got older, I got in touch with porn magazines in elementary school, then I found my father's VHS porn stash, my cousin would then get a hold of DVD porn (when they came out) and once we got high speed internet, well you dont have to guess (like kid at the candy store). You can say I pretty much was around it all my life. When I was 18 years old I began going to church and I stopped using porn for a couple of years. I thought I was finally free from it...boy was I wrong. I began using porn again after having issues with my girlfriend at the time, and I guess I would use it to relieve the stress I was going through. As I continued using it, I got into more extreme porn, at this point with high speed internet. I would binge on it, sometimes for 10 hours at night. Always edging, and it was never enough. Fast forward today (married with 2 beautiful girls) I continue to struggle off and on. The urges are so strong. I wait hoping they will leave in 15 to 20 minutes, and sometimes they do, but other times they come back stronger. Of course I have issues with my marriage for different reasons, one of them being that my wife knows I am a porn addict. I dont think she realize how much of an addict I am, but she has a hard time coping and living with me having that problem. It so hard, I feel so sad and depressed at times. Thanks for reading.
I am 33 years old and a porn addict. Little background: I was introduced to porn at the age of 5, by my grandfather. He would rent VHS porn at our local video store, then record them (illegally of course) onto a blank VHS tape. My grandfather and I were very close during those early years, and until this day I am not sure why he would allow me to watch those videos. Of course he would also let me watch movies that had more of a softcore porn touch to it, nude scenes ect. It definitely had an impact on me psychologically. I can still remember at a very early age (5-10) I would try to act out what I saw in those movies with a girl my mother would babysit. As I got older, I got in touch with porn magazines in elementary school, then I found my father's VHS porn stash, my cousin would then get a hold of DVD porn (when they came out) and once we got high speed internet, well you dont have to guess (like kid at the candy store). You can say I pretty much was around it all my life. When I was 18 years old I began going to church and I stopped using porn for a couple of years. I thought I was finally free from it...boy was I wrong. I began using porn again after having issues with my girlfriend at the time, and I guess I would use it to relieve the stress I was going through. As I continued using it, I got into more extreme porn, at this point with high speed internet. I would binge on it, sometimes for 10 hours at night. Always edging, and it was never enough. Fast forward today (married with 2 beautiful girls) I continue to struggle off and on. The urges are so strong. I wait hoping they will leave in 15 to 20 minutes, and sometimes they do, but other times they come back stronger. Of course I have issues with my marriage for different reasons, one of them being that my wife knows I am a porn addict. I dont think she realize how much of an addict I am, but she has a hard time coping and living with me having that problem. It so hard, I feel so sad and depressed at times. Thanks for reading.
