Thoughts on the shame of a porn addiction

Some thoughts on the shame of a porn addiction (inspired by Eli Nash's must-see video)...

Any addiction is bad news and destructive. If you were to confide to someone that you had a drinking problem or a drug problem, they would most likely be concerned, and ask how they could help. And there would be a familiarity; most people drink, and anyone who drinks has been drunk before. Your confession would probably conjure up images of you sitting at home, drunk, drowning your sorrows. Unpleasant, but also familiar thanks to personal experience and the way that drinking and being drunk is often glamorized in TV and movies.

However, confessing to a porn addiction would conjure up images of you sitting in front of a computer with your pants around your ankles fapping.

That's truly grotesque and disturbing, and your friend would likely be repulsed (unless they have a porn addiction, too). What kind of porn are you watching? What kind of disgusting things are you looking at to get your kicks? And so this is why so many addicts can never confess their porn addiction. It's too shameful.

Drinking is a relatable analogy. I drink, but nothing stronger than beer, and I rarely get drunk. I enjoy a few beers on the weekend or out with friends, and I don't have a problem with alcohol. With porn, however, there is no equivalent of "social drinking". Guys don't just look at porn and say "hey, that was fun, but I'm keeping my pants on, time to go to bed now". Any porn viewing will lead to PMO 99% of the time.

And, to extend the alcohol analogy, most of us porn addicts start out "drinking a couple of beers" but then find we don't get enough of a buzz. So we "have a few shots" of something stronger and like how that feels. Before long, we are constantly drinking, drunk, and addicted - to porn.
 

Fappy

Respected Member
Yeah I get what you’re saying, and I think your brilliant avatar sums it up perfectly.
But you can use the shame to your advantage. Shame is a powerful tool and motivator. By reflecting on the shame you feel after watching porn or even remembering the times when you used to watch it, you’ll get an overwhelming desire never to feel like that again.
 

WoundedSparrow

Active Member
Like Fappy said, shame is a powerful motivator, but it can also become an anchor dragging you down into despair. Despair eventually makes you relapse. It's true that porn carries a heavier stigma around it than something like alcoholism and that's because there's a sexual component to it. But, you may be surprised how willing people are to be compassionate about it. I told several people in my life that I have a problem and they did the exact opposite of what I expected them to do: They offered me support and understanding. You aren't alone in this. Every man in existence is either currently a porn addict, a future porn addict, or a former porn addict. Porn is so tied into our modern sexual mores that just about every man you look at suffers our affliction, whether they know it or not.
 

SoberRich

Member
In psychology I believe it is called transferred shame, or something of that nature. Ironically society has come to support sex workers, including those who are only active online, just as it has always supported producers of alcohol, so the shame is passed onto the person who becomes addicted. Classic case of blaming the victim. Highly ironic.
 

Sammyjo

Member
Porn is so tied into our modern sexual mores that just about every man you look at suffers our affliction, whether they know it or not.
I really wish the media would make this a more prominent topic. There should be no shame associated with any addiction. If the world were made aware of the extreme prevalence of P addiction surely it would save many relationships.

Keep up the fight and hold your heads high knowing the effort this takes.
 
That's truly grotesque and disturbing, and your friend would likely be repulsed (unless they have a porn addiction, too). What kind of porn are you watching? What kind of disgusting things are you looking at to get your kicks? And so this is why so many addicts can never confess their porn addiction. It's too shameful.
I'm hip. I always marveled at the fact that NO ONE in Church obeyed the scripture which reads "Confess your sins one to another so that you can pray for one another and be healed." The congregation can't progress because they are embarrassed about the sins they have committed, and for good reason. A lot of people would gossip about what they heard at the alter on Sunday at work on Monday. I suppose that's part of what's so cool about this site. Since we are all guilty of the same sin here, confessing is not so big of a deal.
 
Top