After 112 days, I CHOSE to drop the ball

[DonaNobisPacem]

Yes, today I have slipped up 4 times. Why did I do it? Not sure I have a deep and meaningful answer but I take full responsibility for it and I made the decision to drop the ball.
If I have to guess what made me do it, I would say it was the fact that I have not really been happier or more well adjusted since giving up. I was expecting too damn much.
Now I have to work hard to make sure that this was a solitary blip and try not to feel that I am starting from scratch. I have a tendency to see things statistically which can cause havoc. I have to convince myself that those 112 days were not for nothing otherwise I could end up at square one pretty quick!
Guys (on this forum) who are racking up impressive numbers (in terms of sobriety) tend to provide encouragement for the new members starting out - I apologise for no longer being 1 of the ones you can look up to.

 

[Mbg]

Relapses will happen... We're addicts and we're human.  Don't beat yourself up too bad... Just have to always be on guard.  Notice your triggers.

 

[fugu]

Relapses will happen... We're addicts and we're human.  Don't beat yourself up too bad... Just have to always be on guard.  Notice your triggers.

Good advice!

And remember OP, it can take much longer than 120 days to be completely cured of all the effects of PIED. A year+ isn't an uncommon amount of time to completely heal. Be patient, place your faith in the process, and don't ever give up!

 

[DonaNobisPacem]

Challenged, Fugu and Mbg - I thank you for your support and kind words!
Since "where was my friggin mind Sunday", I have been back on the straight and narrow and intend to continue on that road. No chance in hell that we should let 1 bad day wipe out previous long stretches of sobriety.

 

[Mbg]

Challenged, Fugu and Mbg - I thank you for your support and kind words!
Since "where was my friggin mind Sunday", I have been back on the straight and narrow and intend to continue on that road. No chance in hell that we should let 1 bad day wipe out previous long stretches of sobriety.

Glad to see your optimism.  Slips are inevitable, but when they happen rather than binge, we dust off and get back on the saddle.  I also admire your length of sobriety, I can only dream of that much sobriety and I look forward to tacking on numbers like that. 

 

[jstock]

I'm new to rebooting
What is pied?

 

[1996addict]

Yeah I'm new here too and trying to figure out the codes!  You're not alone Buddy.

 

[Mbg]

Porn-induced erectile dysfunction.  For porn addicts, we have wired our brains into preferring porn and masturbation rather than real sex.  Not all porn addicts have this issue.  Also, on the forum you might also see "PMO" which is porn-masturbation-orgasm.  The code words are just to abbreviate something repeated often on here.  There is also one that confused me at first, "hardmode".  Hard mode is essentially rebooting without porn, any masturbation, or sex.  Total abstinence for 90 days.  Some may say real sex is okay after 30 days or so.  I feel real sex may be a problem for some (myself for example) and no problem for others.  I am not only a porn addict, I'm a sex addict.