Hi Everyone,
My name is Josh.
I'm a 30 year old gay guy from the Netherlands, and I have been struggling with a porn and sex-chatting addiction for at least 10 years.
Although it started quit innocently, things have escalated over the years. The continuous porn watching escalated my fantasies to
more and more extreme forms, up to BDSM fantasies. At some point, video's were not stimulating enough anymore, and I started
chatting on bdsm dating apps/websites. Not with the intention to actually meet people, but it gave me a stronger "kick" then watching video's.
I have done some real bdsm dates, which is where I realised this was not at all my thing in real life.
In the last years I've realized more and more how this addiction is disrupting my life. My brain has become numb to such an extent that I basically
have no sexual interest anymore to date real people. I just know, if I would have real life normal sex right now, it wouldnt work due to PIED.
Still I feel more and more the need for an intimate, serious relationship. This makes me feel quite broken, since obviously sex is an important aspect of an intimate relationship.
Therefore I deleted all my dating accounts from my computer and phone, and am starting a reboot of at least 30 days. I need to give my brain rest to heal.
To make my natural urges come back, so I could eventually start dating people again.
I know I have a long way to go, since I'm also not physically very fit and attractive at the moment. This reboot period I thus also want to use to start exercising again, and get myself together.
To motivate myself, I will use this journal to keep track of my progress.
Today is day 2 since my last PMO. Let's see how things change when i move towards day 30.
Cheers,
Josh
My name is Josh.
I'm a 30 year old gay guy from the Netherlands, and I have been struggling with a porn and sex-chatting addiction for at least 10 years.
Although it started quit innocently, things have escalated over the years. The continuous porn watching escalated my fantasies to
more and more extreme forms, up to BDSM fantasies. At some point, video's were not stimulating enough anymore, and I started
chatting on bdsm dating apps/websites. Not with the intention to actually meet people, but it gave me a stronger "kick" then watching video's.
I have done some real bdsm dates, which is where I realised this was not at all my thing in real life.
In the last years I've realized more and more how this addiction is disrupting my life. My brain has become numb to such an extent that I basically
have no sexual interest anymore to date real people. I just know, if I would have real life normal sex right now, it wouldnt work due to PIED.
Still I feel more and more the need for an intimate, serious relationship. This makes me feel quite broken, since obviously sex is an important aspect of an intimate relationship.
Therefore I deleted all my dating accounts from my computer and phone, and am starting a reboot of at least 30 days. I need to give my brain rest to heal.
To make my natural urges come back, so I could eventually start dating people again.
I know I have a long way to go, since I'm also not physically very fit and attractive at the moment. This reboot period I thus also want to use to start exercising again, and get myself together.
To motivate myself, I will use this journal to keep track of my progress.
Today is day 2 since my last PMO. Let's see how things change when i move towards day 30.
Cheers,
Josh