bossman1224
New Member
Well, I had a little set back I was on the computer and watched a little porn and lasted for about 5 minutes until I O. wow 5 minutes smh that's probably a new low lol. However I had no business watching it honestly, I had be doing good for 3 days until I sat down to a computer. I wasn't even horny tho lol and I found myself on a site. Porn is a powerful thing but I just want to encourage you all that your determination is more powerful. I am so greatful to this site because I know that there are others that deal with the same things im dealing with. I have HOCD. I have came to that realization. gay porn is the only porn I have ever watched and its the reason for my sexuality conditioning. Gay porn has literally ruin my development in my teens and twenties thus far. However the beauty of life is that its never too late to start over. Although I have missed out on somethings the past is the past and what im doing presently will help my future. See I do not Identify as gay. I see beautiful women everyday I want a girl I want a wife I want children. I am a firm believer that if I was really gay I would have done something sexually. Don't get me wrong if that's your thing that's your thing Im not judging but that's not what I want for my life. But this journal post is to encourage everybody. Yesterday I was at work and I was on espn. com and it was dealing with a guy who has worked so hard and was yet to be drafted to a team. He said something that encouraged me and it makes so much sense especially dealing with porn or HOCD. There are two beast inside of you which one are you feeding. I relate to that because its really two beasts with me. the one beast, the one that wants to be with a woman the one who finds women gorgeous but lacks confidence to go to them and then theres that beast that I have been feeding for over 6 years. The one that has been watching hundreds and hundreds of men having sex and doing all type of strange and extreme acts. I have come to the conclusion that by feeding that hocd beast so much that I have literally starved the other one the one that is naturally apart of me. I encourage you all to get the app brainbuddy I just got today and I feel like that will assist me in this journey. please pray for me because I feel like I have been consumed by this unassuming thing called PMO but we all in this thing together
blessings to you all.
blessings to you all.