professor13
Member
Day One.
I'm not sure where to start. I'm about to turn 42. I've got a bad case of ED. I left my job in February and the new one didn't pan out like I had hoped, so I lost any sense of structure I once had. Too complicate this even more, I've got ADHD, which really benefits from having more structure.
Not having a job and being alone in the house during this pandemic has made it incredibly difficult to quit. My wife believes that I've managed to quit for five days, but honestly the most I've managed to do is 3. I've gotten hooked on Cam sites. Another detail I don't feel like I can tell my wife. I'm so sick of doing this alone. It came to a head a little over a week ago. I binged on a cam site and spent way more than I ever had in one sitting. I could have bought a PlayStation 5 with as much as I spent. I've got a private credit card, so the wife never see the transactions, and I'm going to be spending several months of fun money just trying to pay everything off.
I've gotten to know some of the girls on the cam sites. It's so easy to believe that they care about you, and at some level I think a few of them actually do care. But at the end of the day, it's a business, and I'm a paying customer. When you factor in the isolation of the pandemic and no work, it's been so easy to hop online and chat with my "friends" on the cam sites. I've been online so regularly, that I can pretty much guarantee I will have a rapport with at least one girl any time I log on. It's made it difficult to leave, because it means saying goodbye to them and losing that connection.
I've avoided coming to these forums or joining a group for a long time. No offense, but it's kind of like swapping out the fun a brothel where everyone knows my name, to sit around in a "sausage party" of forum. I hope that's not too harsh. But I'm just trying to keep things real with where I am right now. This might sound a little messed up, but I'm hoping there are women in this forum. I would love to hear a woman's perspective on this.
I want to dedicate myself to my wife. I want to work on things. I want to make it more than three days. I hope that I can. Any encouragement would be nice, I'm tired of beating myself up over this.
I'm not sure where to start. I'm about to turn 42. I've got a bad case of ED. I left my job in February and the new one didn't pan out like I had hoped, so I lost any sense of structure I once had. Too complicate this even more, I've got ADHD, which really benefits from having more structure.
Not having a job and being alone in the house during this pandemic has made it incredibly difficult to quit. My wife believes that I've managed to quit for five days, but honestly the most I've managed to do is 3. I've gotten hooked on Cam sites. Another detail I don't feel like I can tell my wife. I'm so sick of doing this alone. It came to a head a little over a week ago. I binged on a cam site and spent way more than I ever had in one sitting. I could have bought a PlayStation 5 with as much as I spent. I've got a private credit card, so the wife never see the transactions, and I'm going to be spending several months of fun money just trying to pay everything off.
I've gotten to know some of the girls on the cam sites. It's so easy to believe that they care about you, and at some level I think a few of them actually do care. But at the end of the day, it's a business, and I'm a paying customer. When you factor in the isolation of the pandemic and no work, it's been so easy to hop online and chat with my "friends" on the cam sites. I've been online so regularly, that I can pretty much guarantee I will have a rapport with at least one girl any time I log on. It's made it difficult to leave, because it means saying goodbye to them and losing that connection.
I've avoided coming to these forums or joining a group for a long time. No offense, but it's kind of like swapping out the fun a brothel where everyone knows my name, to sit around in a "sausage party" of forum. I hope that's not too harsh. But I'm just trying to keep things real with where I am right now. This might sound a little messed up, but I'm hoping there are women in this forum. I would love to hear a woman's perspective on this.
I want to dedicate myself to my wife. I want to work on things. I want to make it more than three days. I hope that I can. Any encouragement would be nice, I'm tired of beating myself up over this.