Fetish induced ED — Would love some advice from people who've got through it

[mrfrench]

Hey — 26M here. Would love some advice.

TLDR

• Have a thing for “curvy girls” / weight gain
• Don't watch porn
• Do watch curvy content. E.g. “Gained weight. Bikini try on video”
• 90% of my sexual fantasy is this fetish
• Have ED. Guessing they're linked.

I know you're going to say STOP fuelling it, STOP fantasising. You're right.

I've had this fetish since 15. I don't think it's going away.

Would love some advice from anyone who's got through anything similar. I need belief as much as anything else. Thank you.

 

[Aryan]

Try limiting content related to your fetish. The less content you see , less you will fantasise.

 

[TryingHarder]

What the eye doesn't see, the heart doesn't want. Do your best to stay away from that content, and the fetish should start to fade. Or, at least become something more healthy instead of troublesome.

 

[mrfrench]

Appreciate the advice

 

[Deleted member 28870]

Hey — 26M here. Would love some advice.

TLDR

• Have a thing for “curvy girls” / weight gain
• Don't watch porn
• Do watch curvy content. E.g. “Gained weight. Bikini try on video”
• 90% of my sexual fantasy is this fetish
• Have ED. Guessing they're linked.

I know you're going to say STOP fuelling it, STOP fantasising. You're right.

I've had this fetish since 15. I don't think it's going away.

Would love some advice from anyone who's got through anything similar. I need belief as much as anything else. Thank you.

You and are one in the same - I have the same fetish. I'm doing my best as well. 34M here and it's difficult to shake.

 

[Oscar40]

@mrfrench

Fetishes do not produce ED. That's a lie. A fetish never produces ED.

Where do you get such an absurd idea?

 

[tay97]

The only thing that I can recommend: https://easypeasymethod.org/

 

[Thisworld]

Three steps
1- totally stop porn and fetish fantasy (I mean totally)
2- orgasm reconditioning (search for it on google)
2-inner child work and junghian therapy for heal your traumas
This worked for me

 

[Oscar40]

2- orgasm reconditioning (search for it on google)

That's not true. In addition, orgasmic reconditioning is applied in the case of treatment of sexual deviations, but never as a treatment for addiction to pornography.


Now, fetishes are one thing (something that can be very normal in people) and sexual deviations (such as pedophilia, for example) are another thing. It seems to me that you are confusing the two things and that is why you are wrong.

In addition, orgasmic reconditioning has little effectiveness. In fact, I quote it below from part of an article I found:


"Despite its promotion by some clinicians as a useful technique for treating sexual deviance, orgasmic reconditioning has little empirical support; there is limited evidence to suggest its success as one component of a comprehensive behavioral change program. Also called masturbatory reconditioning"

 

[Thisworld]

That's not true. In addition, orgasmic reconditioning is applied in the case of treatment of sexual deviations, but never as a treatment for addiction to pornography.


Now, fetishes are one thing (something that can be very normal in people) and sexual deviations (such as pedophilia, for example) are another thing. It seems to me that you are confusing the two things and that is why you are wrong.

In addition, orgasmic reconditioning has little effectiveness. In fact, I quote it below from part of an article I found:


"Despite its promotion by some clinicians as a useful technique for treating sexual deviance, orgasmic reconditioning has little empirical support; there is limited evidence to suggest its success as one component of a comprehensive behavioral change program. Also called masturbatory reconditioning"

Man, you just claimed above that fetishes can't cause ED, which is untrue.
Even before the existence of internet porn, fetish induced ED already existed.

Also nobody here is confusing anything, from a social/moral point of view its clear the difference between an innocent fetish and
paraphilias, since people who suffer it often engage in non socially acceptable behavior, while people with normal fetishes do not. With this being said orgasm reconditioning can still be used.

Also it's true that orgams reconditioning alone will not be enough for shift and change your sexual preferences but at least it should be enough for allow a fetishist to have vanilla sex, while of course he works on his psychology maybe helped by a professionist for get to the root cause of his unwanted fetish.
The key work here is "unwanted " in fact a fetish itself is not a problem unless that person who has it doesn't like it or fetish condition his sexuality too much in a negative way



Edit: I can tell you my personal story. I had a very innocent and good fetish. It was soft bdsm.Girls actually loved it (50 shadow of Grey eheh). And I liked it too. But at some point in my life I noticed that normal piv sex wasn't really arousing... I couldn't enjoy it, couldn't cum, erection were weaker that for soft bdsm sex. So I decided to change, and now I feel like my sexuality is enhanced. Now I love piv sex

 

[Oscar40]

Man, you just claimed above that fetishes can't cause ED, which is untrue.
Even before the existence of internet porn, fetish induced ED already existed.

Also nobody here is confusing anything, from a social/moral point of view its clear the difference between an innocent fetish and
paraphilias, since people who suffer it often engage in non socially acceptable behavior, while people with normal fetishes do not. With this being said orgasm reconditioning can still be used.

Also it's true that orgams reconditioning alone will not be enough for shift and change your sexual preferences but at least it should be enough for allow a fetishist to have vanilla sex, while of course he works on his psychology maybe helped by a professionist for get to the root cause of his unwanted fetish.
The key work here is "unwanted " in fact a fetish itself is not a problem unless that person who has it doesn't like it or fetish condition his sexuality too much in a negative way



Edit: I can tell you my personal story. I had a very innocent and good fetish. It was soft bdsm.Girls actually loved it (50 shadow of Grey eheh). And I liked it too. But at some point in my life I noticed that normal piv sex wasn't really arousing... I couldn't enjoy it, couldn't cum, erection were weaker that for soft bdsm sex. So I decided to change, and now I feel like my sexuality is enhanced. Now I love piv sex

mmm. Ok. I understand.

 

[Deleted member 28870]

@mrfrench

Fetishes do not produce ED. That's a lie. A fetish never produces ED.

Where do you get such an absurd idea?

I completely disagree with you. If the guy is attracted to "curvy girls" or plus sized women - like I am - then thinner women do not do it. So what do we do? Re-train ourselves to like thin women? Do we take cialis or viagra for the rest of our lives to appear normal?

 

[Oscar40]

I completely disagree with you. If the guy is attracted to "curvy girls" or plus sized women - like I am - then thinner women do not do it. So what do we do? Re-train ourselves to like thin women? Do we take cialis or viagra for the rest of our lives to appear normal?

That's not fetishes. That's just taste.

For example my case:

I have always liked all kinds of women. I can like a woman with curves and also perfectly, I have liked thin women.

It seems to me that YOU has a rather incorrect view of what your tastes are and that is what keeps you so confused. You confuse tastes with fetishes. What a serious mistake @WestCoast

 

[Oscar40]

@WestCoast

For your information:

Liking, or being attracted to certain types of women (whether they are white, black, curvy or slim) is not a fetish.

For your information, almost 78% of men are attracted to women "with curves" as you tell them, and however, we do not see this as a problem. In the same way, these same men who like "curvy" women also like them thin.

I remember my ex-girlfriend Lizette: she was quite big for me (curvy woman), however, I was very attracted to her.

At the end of 2019 I had a girlfriend who was very different from Lizette. That girlfriend's name was Jesi. And Jesi was the exact opposite of Lizette physically: Jesi was thin, small (the only thing that both of them resembled was the color of their skin).

When you like someone, then you like them. It's that simple, regardless of whether that person is slim or plus size. That's not a problem.

I'm surprised you care about such absurd things.

Forgive how harsh I have been with you, but there must be someone one day who will make you wake up and land from the ignorance in which you live, even if that happens to you in this forum.

 

[Deleted member 28870]

@WestCoast

For your information:

Liking, or being attracted to certain types of women (whether they are white, black, curvy or slim) is not a fetish.

For your information, almost 78% of men are attracted to women "with curves" as you tell them, and however, we do not see this as a problem. In the same way, these same men who like "curvy" women also like them thin.

I remember my ex-girlfriend Lizette: she was quite big for me (curvy woman), however, I was very attracted to her.

At the end of 2019 I had a girlfriend who was very different from Lizette. That girlfriend's name was Jesi. And Jesi was the exact opposite of Lizette physically: Jesi was thin, small (the only thing that both of them resembled was the color of their skin).

When you like someone, then you like them. It's that simple, regardless of whether that person is slim or plus size. That's not a problem.

I'm surprised you care about such absurd things.

Forgive how harsh I have been with you, but there must be someone one day who will make you wake up and land from the ignorance in which you live, even if that happens to you in this forum.

The ignorance you say? If only I could let you into my own mind for you to understand its own complexities. Maybe you are not OCD because you seem very calm. But me? I obsess over a lot and can only tell you what I have experienced from me.

Your experiences are not the same as everyone else and vice versa.

And to you, I am absurd or ridiculous. But what I just mentioned above about taking cialis or viagra forever is what a certain psychologist told me.

I have not had sex with many women and most of the time it is bad vs good for me. Most times I had issues performing and then now, I have emotional numbness. I see women in porn or dating apps who I think I am attracted to but in the world, I dont think so. I see bigger women in porn and online, but when I am out in person, I fear being around them because I feel like people talk shit about me and make fun of me behind my back. My first girlfriend who I lost my virginity to was thinner, but she was beautiful - and now, I am almost convinced I cannot perform with a woman who is thinner - and that is what is scary. So I don' tknow what the fuck to do.

And so for me Oscar, my experience is very very sad.

Very sad indeed yes, because often times I think at 34 years old I have missed my chance of having a family - and life in and of itself is very overwhelming for me. So sometimes I think ending my life is a better option. But I am even too scared to do that.

 

[Oscar40]

and now, I am almost convinced I cannot perform with a woman who is thinner - and that is what is scary. So I don' tknow what the fuck to do.

Until you leave behind your feelings of guilt and shame "absurd" you will not be calm, and I am sorry to tell you but it is the truth: the reboot will not help in this regard. Rebooting will not fix these types of issues, as these types of issues are underlying and have nothing to do with PMO at all.

But what I just mentioned above about taking cialis or viagra forever

Happiness in sexuality goes far beyond experiencing a simple erection.

Erections are the least of it when we are enjoying moments with someone.

Personally, I've never cared about my penis, or how hard it gets when I'm with someone I'm sexually interested.

I have emotional numbness

Okay. But for this you will have to seek professional help. I doubt the reboot will help. The reboot is just a break from artificial sexual stimulation. However, rebooting doesn't, I believe, fix underlying problems that are there in your mind and have nothing to do with what you see on your computer screen.

I feel like people talk shit about me and make fun of me behind my back

Forgive me for what I am going to tell you but, this is something very stupid of you. This is one of the stupidest things I've ever heard, because the truth is that nobody really cares. People will always talk, and that should not be something that matters to us.

If you mess with a Latin woman they will also talk and people will invent that it is not convenient, or that she comes from a third world country, or that she wants you only to take money or things like that... etc... Anyway: people can always make all kinds of comments, but why worry about it?

Personally, I've had all kinds of girlfriends physically (plus size, petite, tall, short), however I've never worried about it. It has never been a problem.


The only issue that should be addressed on these forums is porn addiction, however what I have always seen on these forums is that, people come here with a lot of underlying issues (for example your case) that It has nothing to do with porn.

I see bigger women in porn and online, but when I am out in person,

Why are you looking at porn?

Aren't you supposed to be in this forum and to be part of a virtual community that is restarting?

Aren't you supposed to be rebooted?

Why do you keep looking at porn?

 

[tay97]

You are 34. That means you didn't even got to half of your life and you think it's over? Bullshit. Look up some of the journals from plus 40 in this forum and read about their losses and wins.
You have many problems but honestly there are all in your head. First things first. No porn. After a while of abstaining you will look at people in a healthier way. Simple as that.
Second, if life seems overwhelming to you, try to simplify it. Dating apps are pure trash. Delete them. People make fun of you? Leave them.
And my last advice(s), get outside, feel the sun, workout, eat healthy and sleep well. Life seems complicated but it in reality it is simple as that. That's all I got.

 

[Deleted member 28870]

You are 34. That means you didn't even got to half of your life and you think it's over? Bullshit. Look up some of the journals from plus 40 in this forum and read about their losses and wins.
You have many problems but honestly there are all in your head. First things first. No porn. After a while of abstaining you will look at people in a healthier way. Simple as that.
Second, if life seems overwhelming to you, try to simplify it. Dating apps are pure trash. Delete them. People make fun of you? Leave them.
And my last advice(s), get outside, feel the sun, workout, eat healthy and sleep well. Life seems complicated but it in reality it is simple as that. That's all I got.

Yes, I do have a lot of problems. You are 100% correct.

 

[tay97]

Yes, I do have a lot of problems. You are 100% correct.

... and they only exist in your head. Not real ..

 

[Deleted member 28870]

... and they only exist in your head. Not real ..

Low testosterone is real, ED is real but I get your point.

My life took on a downward spiral 2 years ago and I am bouncing back one day at a time.