Determination

[Determination]

Just here to journal my progress. Feel more accountable having a written record. Day 11 for me but that’s not important. More focused on making my wife proud of me. Tired of letting her down. She is my motivation, she is my everything! Love for her will make this a cake walk. Relapse is not an option. Making many changes in my life to aid my recovery, painting 🖼 again, horse shoes, and dumb bell workouts along with stationary bike. Looking forward to sex with the most beautiful woman on earth . I have complete ED , but starting to experience morning wood. Lots of insomnia. Extreme urges to go back to the beast. Feel helpless at times. My accountability partner is God. Talk to him constantly! No he doesn’t talk back. Hope this journal will give some of you hope. Just want to say to Gary Gabe and Noah thank you. Fight the fine fight, and never forget it is a fight…but we’re fighters that’s why we’re here.

 

[GBS]

@Determination - you are in the right place. We know how you feel. There are experienced rebooters on here who can tell you more than I, but through ups and downs if you can kick this devil out, you will arrive at a form of ecstasy. There are flatlines and concerns. Your mind and body will play tricks but it’s all normal and good. Keep going and keep writing.

If you can do it, I recommend the hard mode so no masturbation at all. Obviously no porn. The brain changes faster that way. Good luck and keep us posted.

 

[Determination]

Thank you GBS, will be in hard mode as long as my spouse will let me, right now nothing here is hard if you know what I mean? Tomorrow 2wks NPMO Feeling good, starting some new projects, and working out everyday. Determination and commitment are the keys to success. Again thank you for your concern GBS. Fight the good fight, and remember LOVE KILLS PORN!

 

[Determination]

Three weeks, or twenty one days on second reboot, first lasted 66 days but fell hard and lost it all, have changed to the spread sheet method of keeping tract of slip ups. Lots of insomnia, trying to establish a good bedtime routine, and exercising daily, dumbbells and spinning. Cold showers every other day. Penis still very flaccid and cold most of the time. WAITING…Short term goal is to make it to October 31 with no pmo, that will be one hundred days, longest I have ever gone, since I was about ten! Hope this works my wife is looking very very sexy.

 

[Determination]

Day 28 seeing results again esp in morning wood, more like morning steel, being careful Not to fall like I did with first reboot. Since I’m older looking forward to shorter reboot then you youngens. Have been living sexless marriage because of ED looking forward to ending that nightmare. I first believed my Ed was due to HBP meds but even ED drugs failed me. Now that I’m seeing results from my reboot I’m thinking it’s PIED. I hope this works. Really tired of not being able to have sex with the most beautiful woman on the planet . PORN CAN’T LOVE YOU!

 

[Percival]

Day 28 seeing results again esp in morning wood, more like morning steel, being careful Not to fall like I did with first reboot. Since I’m older looking forward to shorter reboot then you youngens. Have been living sexless marriage because of ED looking forward to ending that nightmare. I first believed my Ed was due to HBP meds but even ED drugs failed me. Now that I’m seeing results from my reboot I’m thinking it’s PIED. I hope this works. Really tired of not being able to have sex with the most beautiful woman on the planet . PORN CAN’T LOVE YOU!

So true! No matter how good the pixels look, none of those girls will ever so much as say "hi" to you, let alone make breakfast for you or go to a movie with you or carry out the trash or just go on a walk with you.

 

[Determination]

Percival, thanks for the response, the Bible says “a capable wife is hard to find “ but I found her on the first shot. FYI she makes me take the trash out. Hope you do well on your reboot journey, and thanks again for your encouraging words. Day 35 for me, day 101 if I count my first reboot, but who’s counting? LOL. Using spread sheet for tracking my progress so not resetting anymore just noting where I slip up and taking appropriate steps to keep slip ups to a minimum, seems to work better for me.

 

[Determination]

Rewardfoundation.org has a great three step program for quitting porn. Please check it out. Really helped me to understand what a powerful hold porn has on our brains. Made me realize that this really is going to be a struggle. But one we can win. To everyone on this site, keep moving forward don’t give up.

 

[GBS]

Thanks @Determination

I checked out the Reward Foundation. All very interesting. This is an epidemic. More of these places will spring up I am sure. We think the problem is big today. It will be way worse in 5 years time. There is inadequate education.

 

[Determination]

GBS I agree 100% this problem is going to get much worse before it gets better. I really feel for any young man who gets hooked by the porn industry. I got hooked later in life and am finding it very hard to break free. But with the help of sites like this one I can see light at the end of a very long tunnel thank you for your comment and help. Successful journey my friend.

 

[GBS]

Thanks @Determination - little piece of information: my daughter is 20 and at university, I have actually told her and my two 17 year old twin boys about my addiction. incredibly supportive- I digress. My daughter said if she met a guy at Uni and he wasn’t watching porn at least occasionally she would think he was odd. She says everyone does it. Now obviously that doesn’t mean everyone is hooked and obsessive and completely desensitised but many will be and many will be partially. How can they not sexualise? It is very scary indeed.

 

[Determination]

When I wrote in my first post that relapse wasn’t an option. I really wasn’t aware of how strong a grip internet porn has on us. I've found that understanding what porn does to your brain is very helpful. Also trying to understand when and why you get urges to access porn, and using that information to help you with your struggle. Anyway hang in there and don’t give up the fight.

 

[Determination]

Thanks @Determination - little piece of information: my daughter is 20 and at university, I have actually told her and my two 17 year old twin boys about my addiction. incredibly supportive- I digress. My daughter said if she met a guy at Uni and he wasn’t watching porn at least occasionally she would think he was odd. She says everyone does it. Now obviously that doesn’t mean everyone is hooked and obsessive and completely desensitised but many will be and many will be partially. How can they not sexualise? It is very scary indeed.

It saddens me that your daughter says everyone does it. I wonder if she realizes what that means for the future? Her first question to any prospective students she’s thinking about dating should be, how much porn do you watch? If he is watching any she should keep looking.

 

[Determination]

Finally figured out how to beat this. To everyone here keep fighting. You can win!

 

[Determination]

Latest update 48days into my last reboot, booked hotel room at the Hilton for day 90, wish me luck! Urges are strong, using a lot of mindful meditation, exercise, art, music, and reading your post. Thank you fellow rebooters! If you’ve been here awhile you know the benefits of nofap, just keep going, keep resetting, keep moving forward, don’t give up. Each time you fall and you rise up you get stronger and closer to the person you were meant to be! Determination!