Weekly Reforge Journal

[BrassBalls707]

Another exception is on YouTube. I have a playlist set aside that I can watch through the month. The playlist includes videos about self-development, Christian apologetics, and racing news. I also have only a handful of channels I can check for new videos. My main concern with my internet use is that I default to mindless scrolling and watching whatever nonsense I end up clicking on or, in the case of my phone, coming across. There have been many times where I had plenty of helpful and informative videos saved to watch later, but I would procrastinate and usually not get around to them.

I generally will want to use these exceptions only after I've done some of the non-screen hobbies that I want to be more intentional about. I really do believe this is going to help me to also quit porn. What I think would happen is that I would get so mentally numbed that porn would become the only thing that could make me feel good. That made it unbelievably hard to resist. This week seems to have proved me right, and I'm looking forward to seeing how the rest of the month goes.

I relate heavily to the internet and youtube browsing. As of now I deleted the app from my phone and reactivated this chrome plugin called "unhook". It allows you to 'deacticate' segments of youtube so only that of which you are certain you want to see (like watch later playlists or subscribed content) will be visible. Thanks for reminding me

As for getting around porn and videogames' huge dopamine surges, I've found that practicing new hobbies help immensely. You said there are a few non-screen hobbies you are intentional about? I think you'll have a similar experience if you were to bank in on those.

Cool progress so far man!

 

[CovertReforge]

Week 3 and another week clean. I've noticed some more intense cravings in the past couple days than I've had this month so far, but things are still going well. I got back into weightlifting for the first time in 6 months this week. I feel like I have more space in my head to think about things rather than reacting and hoping for the best. I also don't feel as controlled by my emotions as I used to. I seem to be getting a little better at processing emotions, but I do still fall into some old habits. I've also noticed people treating me differently. Many times I could be in a room and it was as if I was invisible, but lately most of the people I see often seem happier to see me. I started noticing this during the first week but for some reason hadn't mentioned it on here until now. I still feel some pain when I think about where I want to be vs. where I am now, but I'm reminding myself that I'm on the path to getting where I want to go.

If anything, I'm noticing that I used to nuke my desire to have an intimate relationship with porn. Usually my worst cravings this month have come along with that desire coming up in my mind. I also think the excessive gaming held me back from taking the time to become the kind of man a woman would want to date, which pushed me even more toward porn. That's at least the best reason I can think of for why I self-medicated with porn for so long.

 

[CovertReforge]

Another week clean. I've had some trouble sleeping but otherwise this was a good week. It's been getting easier to process issues as they come up, but I have noticed I'm dealing with some brain fog again. This is also my last full week of my challenge to mostly give up video games, limit phone use, and a few other practices to see what effect it would have on my porn use. It has been eye-opening to see my porn problem fade so quickly this month. The main thing I'll be focused on into the next month is what moderation on video games and internet use should be for my life, and how I can continue building on the positive things I've started this month. I'm a little nervous that I'll fall back into old patterns, but I do think this experience has been eye-opening enough to be difficult to rationalize against.

 

[CovertReforge]

I relapsed twice this week. My takeaways so far have been: keeping video games and internet surfing/scrolling in moderation helps but it's not the whole solution, social isolation is my biggest issue right now, and I need to find a balance between sacrificing for the future and enjoying today. I've had an issue for a long time with having a plan for the future, getting hyped up about it, working towards it faithfully, then I stop believing that anything is actually going to change. I also want to make sure I'm not shying away from people so much. Part of my isolation has been that people I used to get together with a lot seem apathetic about it now, and the other part is down to me not interacting with anyone if I don't have to at work and church. I'm also hoping that consistently doing hobbies like shooting basketball or playing guitar can make it easier to hang out with people in ways that I haven't for a long time.