Hello everyone,
This is my first post in any kind of forum and first time I tell my story. I'm 35, married with a kid. I've been a porn / masturbation addict since I was 16 or something. Anytime I was struggling with something in my life, my addiction became worse - it was my way to escape negative emotions, get a dopamine hit and keep going. I've been in chat rooms for the last 20 years, I've chatted with thousands of people and I've fantasised about any kink imaginable and I've watched so much porn. This is a secret side of me that no-one who knows me can even imagine. I
I've also been depressed and had social anxiety - both of those have improved with age and stage in life. However, the addiction has never gone away. Especially with covid and WFH, I've been indulging more than ever. When I'm on holiday with family I can go on for a week or two with no issues at all. Problem arises when I'm at home, either lurking or "working". I spend hours edging instead of working, find myself wanting to be left alone and not socialise in order to practice my addiction. My sexual life with my partner is almost non-existent, my drive is very low. At the same time I can go on masturbating 3 or 4 times in a day. Lately I've realised that I cannot even maintain a hard on to match how horny I feel - or think I feel. This has cause trouble in my marriage and is one of the main reasons I want to quit.
I've been struggling with this all my 'adult' life. I believe I can be a better human being and at least more honest and present to the people I love if I manage to quit this. I've lost 30kg at some point in my life, I've run marathons, I've quit smoking but nothing compares to this addiction. This has to end. This is Day 1 of my journey.
This is my first post in any kind of forum and first time I tell my story. I'm 35, married with a kid. I've been a porn / masturbation addict since I was 16 or something. Anytime I was struggling with something in my life, my addiction became worse - it was my way to escape negative emotions, get a dopamine hit and keep going. I've been in chat rooms for the last 20 years, I've chatted with thousands of people and I've fantasised about any kink imaginable and I've watched so much porn. This is a secret side of me that no-one who knows me can even imagine. I
I've also been depressed and had social anxiety - both of those have improved with age and stage in life. However, the addiction has never gone away. Especially with covid and WFH, I've been indulging more than ever. When I'm on holiday with family I can go on for a week or two with no issues at all. Problem arises when I'm at home, either lurking or "working". I spend hours edging instead of working, find myself wanting to be left alone and not socialise in order to practice my addiction. My sexual life with my partner is almost non-existent, my drive is very low. At the same time I can go on masturbating 3 or 4 times in a day. Lately I've realised that I cannot even maintain a hard on to match how horny I feel - or think I feel. This has cause trouble in my marriage and is one of the main reasons I want to quit.
I've been struggling with this all my 'adult' life. I believe I can be a better human being and at least more honest and present to the people I love if I manage to quit this. I've lost 30kg at some point in my life, I've run marathons, I've quit smoking but nothing compares to this addiction. This has to end. This is Day 1 of my journey.
Way to go on sharing your story and starting this journey!
