SoberRich
Member
Hello all,
I have just started the Way of the Superior Man by David Deida because it is lauded in addiction and recovery circles as a great book for rebuilding and fixing marriage in the wake of addiction. I see why. I am only 30 pages in or so, and there are a lot of good ideas. It is important to note that Deida makes clear in the prefaces and introduction that this isn't a political or social book. He has no qualms with women in the workplace, business, etc, as many feminist critics have argued. Deida's only goal is to fix your marriage. A lot of these ideas, in my opinion, get right to the heart of how porn addiction, or any addiction, destroys marriage. He explains that women, and men, have a public face and a private face (my own wording.) This ties in directly to what our spouses want from us. Our wives (and girlfriends) want us to support them in pursuing their careers outside of the home, but they want us to validate them, comfort them, and be intimate behind closed doors. In my opinion these are vital things that need to be understood in order to nurture a healthy marriage. He explains why my wife completely changed (from an extremely independent, career focused woman to a full time parent) when we had our son. He explains feminine energy and masculine energy, that all of us, men and women, have both, but that romantic and sexual relationships often depend on us following the genetically predetermined roles. There is so much good stuff in this book.
Have you read it? Did you find that it helped your situation? Husbands (boyfriends), did it help you understand your wife (girlfriend) and help you change your behavior?
P.S. I don't get too hung up on whether masculine and feminine "energies" exist or not. I think that this is nit-picking and misses the point. I don't focus on whether these things literally exist, and simply see them as a metaphor for human behavior.
I have just started the Way of the Superior Man by David Deida because it is lauded in addiction and recovery circles as a great book for rebuilding and fixing marriage in the wake of addiction. I see why. I am only 30 pages in or so, and there are a lot of good ideas. It is important to note that Deida makes clear in the prefaces and introduction that this isn't a political or social book. He has no qualms with women in the workplace, business, etc, as many feminist critics have argued. Deida's only goal is to fix your marriage. A lot of these ideas, in my opinion, get right to the heart of how porn addiction, or any addiction, destroys marriage. He explains that women, and men, have a public face and a private face (my own wording.) This ties in directly to what our spouses want from us. Our wives (and girlfriends) want us to support them in pursuing their careers outside of the home, but they want us to validate them, comfort them, and be intimate behind closed doors. In my opinion these are vital things that need to be understood in order to nurture a healthy marriage. He explains why my wife completely changed (from an extremely independent, career focused woman to a full time parent) when we had our son. He explains feminine energy and masculine energy, that all of us, men and women, have both, but that romantic and sexual relationships often depend on us following the genetically predetermined roles. There is so much good stuff in this book.
Have you read it? Did you find that it helped your situation? Husbands (boyfriends), did it help you understand your wife (girlfriend) and help you change your behavior?
P.S. I don't get too hung up on whether masculine and feminine "energies" exist or not. I think that this is nit-picking and misses the point. I don't focus on whether these things literally exist, and simply see them as a metaphor for human behavior.