My journal.
- Thread starter rodrigo_reboot
- Start date
rodrigo_reboot
Member
I feel like I just hit rock bottom. I was feeling very depressed and even with some suicidal toughts and that is crazy. There is no reason for it. I have nothing to complain about my life, there is no reason to think those stupid toughts.
I did got a 10 day streak, so I can do it again. I will do it again. I am motivated to try from the beggining.
Something happened to to make me feel bad. My fiance "put me against the wall" about marrying. She said it was long enough and that we should marry now. I love her, but I feel that I can't do it now. I am not good enough with myself to commit to it. I am afraid that we get married and she sees all the bad stuff I am and what I do. I want to be better before we can be together. I want to be free of this addiction and free from alcohol too. She is very disapointed with me for me saying that I am not ready and it hurts me to think that I am making her feel bad, but I guess it is better to be honest about it then to marry and then have a unhappy life together. I am still not strong enough to be a husband that she would deserve. And this realization makes me feel even worst about myself.
I am feeling pretty bad here. Any help you guys can give would be much apreciated.
I did got a 10 day streak, so I can do it again. I will do it again. I am motivated to try from the beggining.
Something happened to to make me feel bad. My fiance "put me against the wall" about marrying. She said it was long enough and that we should marry now. I love her, but I feel that I can't do it now. I am not good enough with myself to commit to it. I am afraid that we get married and she sees all the bad stuff I am and what I do. I want to be better before we can be together. I want to be free of this addiction and free from alcohol too. She is very disapointed with me for me saying that I am not ready and it hurts me to think that I am making her feel bad, but I guess it is better to be honest about it then to marry and then have a unhappy life together. I am still not strong enough to be a husband that she would deserve. And this realization makes me feel even worst about myself.
I am feeling pretty bad here. Any help you guys can give would be much apreciated.
rodrigo_reboot
Member
After a weekend of hell, I am starting again.
Asked my fiancee some time alone to heal. I can't worry with anything else, extra stress wont help me. I just need to focus on beating my addiction now and being at peace.
Thanks Rob and Dhira for the help. I think I would already have given up if not for the help of you guys and this forum.
I wont give up. I guess I needed all this pain to know myself better. They say that some stuff there are just two ways to learn, either through love or through pain. I guess I need this pain to grow and become a better person so I will be gratefull for it. Being anger with myself does not help.
Day 1 again. This time I will try to beat it just each day. I need to be humble to recognise my weakness and also greatfull for having the oportunity to get better. Here is hoping that it is just the first day of many.
Asked my fiancee some time alone to heal. I can't worry with anything else, extra stress wont help me. I just need to focus on beating my addiction now and being at peace.
Thanks Rob and Dhira for the help. I think I would already have given up if not for the help of you guys and this forum.
I wont give up. I guess I needed all this pain to know myself better. They say that some stuff there are just two ways to learn, either through love or through pain. I guess I need this pain to grow and become a better person so I will be gratefull for it. Being anger with myself does not help.
Day 1 again. This time I will try to beat it just each day. I need to be humble to recognise my weakness and also greatfull for having the oportunity to get better. Here is hoping that it is just the first day of many.
rodrigo_reboot
Member
Day 3.
Feeling good. Woke up in good mood. I hope it lasts.
Feeling good. Woke up in good mood. I hope it lasts.
TodayIsTheDay
Member
Hey bro, I just read your story and I can identify with much of it. I'm new to this no PMO thing and am still struggling to get myself under control, so I don't have any real wisdom to offer, but I can tell you that the darkness you're feeling now is temporary. Things will get better with effort. So keep striving. It will happen for you.
rodrigo_reboot
Member
Day 4.
Very hard day. I am not feeling especially bad or depressed today, just too horny. Trying to keep my mind away but it keeps getting back. Anyway I will keep strong. I know that if I relapse I will feel awfull, so I will keep holding. I hope it gets easier with time.
Very hard day. I am not feeling especially bad or depressed today, just too horny. Trying to keep my mind away but it keeps getting back. Anyway I will keep strong. I know that if I relapse I will feel awfull, so I will keep holding. I hope it gets easier with time.
rodrigo_reboot
Member
Day 5.
Last night my girlfriend slept in my home and today in the morning we ended up having sex. I was trying to avoid it, but she noticed how much horny I was and we ended up doing it. I hope it does not slow the reboot, I don't know. Maybe stoping completely having O would be better. At least I felt connected to her and it was all very good, so I don't know if it is bad. Anyway, at least it aleviate the horniness I was on the days prior to today. Weekend is coming and I know it is dangerous, but I wont come back to P or to MO, no way. I will beat this addiction no matter what.
Last night my girlfriend slept in my home and today in the morning we ended up having sex. I was trying to avoid it, but she noticed how much horny I was and we ended up doing it. I hope it does not slow the reboot, I don't know. Maybe stoping completely having O would be better. At least I felt connected to her and it was all very good, so I don't know if it is bad. Anyway, at least it aleviate the horniness I was on the days prior to today. Weekend is coming and I know it is dangerous, but I wont come back to P or to MO, no way. I will beat this addiction no matter what.
rodrigo_reboot
Member
Back at the beginning. I don't know anymore if I can really do it. It seems that i always find a way to fail. Once again drunk too much and PMO'ed while on hangover.
Trying again. This time I willl also try to stop drinking altogether.
Trying again. This time I willl also try to stop drinking altogether.
TodayIsTheDay
Member
You can do this bro, don't give up hope. In my lay opinion it's the patterns in our lives, the grooves we've worn out so to speak, that lead us to repeat certain habits. Try some new activities/routines. Sometimes a small adjustment can have a large impact. Like going to bed 45min early, waking up 45m early, then using that extra time to exercise or something. Something like that would change your vibe for the whole day. It doesn't have to be that exactly, but any little change to your schedule/routine can be enough to shake you out of a pattern. My two cents, take it for what it's worth.
rodrigo_reboot
Member
Thank you TodayIsTheDay.
Since I started journaling, I always binged after drinking. And I never drink alone, ony when I go out with friends. If i don't go I can keep away from all of it.
So that is it. I just need to stay by myself at the weekend and I think I can do it. I added a counter for alcohol too. Coming weekend I will find something diferent to keep me busy and away from bars and clubs.
I will try again. I wont give up. This time i will reach the 30 day goal.
Since I started journaling, I always binged after drinking. And I never drink alone, ony when I go out with friends. If i don't go I can keep away from all of it.
So that is it. I just need to stay by myself at the weekend and I think I can do it. I added a counter for alcohol too. Coming weekend I will find something diferent to keep me busy and away from bars and clubs.
I will try again. I wont give up. This time i will reach the 30 day goal.
TodayIsTheDay
Member
Sounds like a plan. Let us know how the weekend goes. I have high hopes for you.
rodrigo_reboot
Member
I went a long time without posting. Was relapsing badly and I was ashamed to come back here and post that i failed again and again and again.
Anyway, here I am trying once again. It is the second day without PMO and sixth day without alcohol.
Starting again from the beginning.
Anyway, here I am trying once again. It is the second day without PMO and sixth day without alcohol.
Starting again from the beginning.
rodrigo_reboot
Member
4th day without PMO.
My most common trigger is drinking, so this weekend I decided to stay away from it and away from my friends who usually drink with me. Last night my fiancee spent the night in my place and it was nice. So far it is going smooth without too much urges.
My most common trigger is drinking, so this weekend I decided to stay away from it and away from my friends who usually drink with me. Last night my fiancee spent the night in my place and it was nice. So far it is going smooth without too much urges.
neon tiger
Active Member
Congrats on making it through a Friday night tzimisce- I know how hard this has been for you. Hope to see a similar post again tomorrow. Keep trucking bud. It is possible, and it is so much better!
rodrigo_reboot
Member
Thank you a lot neon tiger. You have no idea how much you have been helping me.
This weekend I stayed out of touch and did not drink. When I don't drink it is a lot easier to stay out of porn. I also was with my fiance and we did have sex witch also helps to easy the urges although I am not sure if being celibate would be better for the reboot.
Yesterday I went to a zen buddhist temple that I used to go. There was an especial event and something like a seminar. It was nice. I have some problems with this, as I used to have really a lot of faith when I was younger. I really believed in ultimate enlightenment and end of suffering and I used to practice hard when I was a teenager until early twenties. Then I got very desilusioned and became an atheist. But I always get back to thinking again about it. I have some trouble in finding a meaning to life. For quite some time buddhism used to show a meaning and now I have a bittersweet relation with it. Anyway I am back to practicing meditation. I will try to keep an open mind and don't expect anything with it as creating expectation when it comes to a spiritual practice always turns to delusion.
Anyway, the weekending was fine. I failed so many times, but I wont give up now. I still have hope that I can change it all.
This weekend I stayed out of touch and did not drink. When I don't drink it is a lot easier to stay out of porn. I also was with my fiance and we did have sex witch also helps to easy the urges although I am not sure if being celibate would be better for the reboot.
Yesterday I went to a zen buddhist temple that I used to go. There was an especial event and something like a seminar. It was nice. I have some problems with this, as I used to have really a lot of faith when I was younger. I really believed in ultimate enlightenment and end of suffering and I used to practice hard when I was a teenager until early twenties. Then I got very desilusioned and became an atheist. But I always get back to thinking again about it. I have some trouble in finding a meaning to life. For quite some time buddhism used to show a meaning and now I have a bittersweet relation with it. Anyway I am back to practicing meditation. I will try to keep an open mind and don't expect anything with it as creating expectation when it comes to a spiritual practice always turns to delusion.
Anyway, the weekending was fine. I failed so many times, but I wont give up now. I still have hope that I can change it all.
neon tiger
Active Member
You made it through a weekend- Yay!!!!!!!!!!!
On twelve step programs, the second step says:
"We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity".
Notice that a power greater than yourself can be anything. to some people is god; for others is nature, or their hobbies. or their associations, groups, clubs, etc. It is whatever gives you a sense there is a bigger purpose than what is on your mind.
I am very intrigued by this buddhist upbringing that you mention. So rare in mainly christian latin america. If the enlightenment you grew up with doesn't speak to you anymore, then find what does for you (although it sounds from this weekend experience like you may rediscover those spiritual roots). Its such a different perspective when we revisit our spirituality as adults as opposed to when we were growing.
Anyhow, im so glad you made it through the weekend. Im sure you could see your overall state of mind much better than previous mondays. Im proud of you my friend.
On twelve step programs, the second step says:
"We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity".
Notice that a power greater than yourself can be anything. to some people is god; for others is nature, or their hobbies. or their associations, groups, clubs, etc. It is whatever gives you a sense there is a bigger purpose than what is on your mind.
I am very intrigued by this buddhist upbringing that you mention. So rare in mainly christian latin america. If the enlightenment you grew up with doesn't speak to you anymore, then find what does for you (although it sounds from this weekend experience like you may rediscover those spiritual roots). Its such a different perspective when we revisit our spirituality as adults as opposed to when we were growing.
Anyhow, im so glad you made it through the weekend. Im sure you could see your overall state of mind much better than previous mondays. Im proud of you my friend.
rodrigo_reboot
Member
Hello Neon.
I guess a lot of my problems have root on an existential or spiritual issue, so maybe it would make me good to talk about it.
As you said, I guess it is kind of unusual. Buddhism is not common here in Brazil although it is growing now and more temples are being created. My family was Christian but I had always liked oriental philosophy since my teens. Probably with some influence of my older brother and a major influence of a Tai Chi and Kung Fu teacher that I had. When I was around eleven, I and my older brother started attending this martial arts classes and my teacher used to teach us about meditation and even read some parts of the Tao Te Ching, Buddhist mantras or other Taoists or Hindu texts.
In time I started to ask him to lend me some of those books and I started reading more and more. As a teenager I got completely hooked and I ended up creating this childish fantasy of becoming a monk and going to live in the mountains and achieve enlightenment... lol, teenagers. After I got older I joined a Zen Buddhist temple which was amongst all the eastern philosophies the one I felt was the best for me. For a long time I believed that I could achieve this illusion of enlightenment until I got completely disillusioned.
Even though disenchanted with this spiritual practice, from time to time I ended up coming back and practicing again and then out again and then back and so on.
There is this thing: most of the times I believe that there is no enlightenment and no end of suffering. Suffering is just an important "skill" that we got because of natural selection. Suffering and craving helped to keep us alive and to pass on our genes.
Probably, we will never be completely happy simply because we did not evolve to be happy. We evolved to survive and pass on our genes. No more than that. A completely happy man on the Paleolithic is not more likely to pass on his genes then and angry or slightly unhappy but very strong man. Full happiness or enlightenment does not make an individual more equipped to survive. Maybe it is even better to be not so happy on and evolutional point of view. I can easily see a strong tribe of violent people massacring a peaceful tribe of enlightened and happy people and then passing on their more ?violent? genes. It just is not important to survival, so those attributes were not naturally selected. To live a life with some balance between happiness and suffering is probably the better we can achieve, because that is what we are because of evolution, nothing else. Of course that is not the Buddhist view. One of the four noble truths is the end suffering. In Buddhism there is pain, but there is also nirvana. There is ultimate salvation and there is a state of ultimate wisdom.
Even so, there is this thing in the back of my mind. Even if I don?t believe in any religion any more, and I do consider myself atheist, but still I think I would not be completely honest to myself if I said that there is nothing to meditation. Even if I distrust the philosophy now, it still seems that there is something about that particular posture, about that particular practice. Which is to just sit in ?zazen?, or ?dyana? as the hindu call it. I did not get attracted to Buddhism just because of the philosophy. I also got there because many times it seemed to happen something very powerful and very inexplicable when I was meditating. So I still think: what if there is something there and I am giving up on something very important just because of my prejudices and mental fantasies? What if I just did not realize it because I did not try hard enough? But then, again, what if there was never anything special? What if all the time, this ?powerful? spiritual practice was just an illusion? What if I was just trying to create some illusion to make me feel good and believe that there is some fundamental meaning to our lives? But then again, is it really? Can all that which I felt to be just illusion? Why even today, even with all my distrust I still sometimes just get in that posture and feel something so different?
I don?t know. I am still not sure, but this spiritual "thing", that could very well be just an ilusion, is still very powerful to me. I still spend a lot of time of my day thinking about it without finding a final solution.
On other note, last night I had a very powerful trigger. Last night I had a really vivid sex dream with a girl I just saw singing on youtube. It was not even anything sexual, I just saw before going to bed some Ukrainian girl who was singing very well on one of those ?Idols? kind of shows and at night I had a very long and very real dream of making sex with this girl and when I woke up I was so hard and the urge was really bad. I almost MO. I actually started to MO remembering my dream but then I was able to get up and take a coldish bath to stop the urges. I guess I will not count it as a relapse but that was pretty bad. I guess my stupid addicted mind can?t even see a clothed woman on the internet that it goes back to those urges. Come on! Help me here mind! If this goes on I won?t even be able to watch youtube anymore.
Anyway, as the days go by without MO, I know that the urges will only get harder but I will fight them off. I had failed too many times. I won?t again.
Wow, what a wall of text. Well, I guess I will post it anyway. It did felt good to write all that.
I guess a lot of my problems have root on an existential or spiritual issue, so maybe it would make me good to talk about it.
As you said, I guess it is kind of unusual. Buddhism is not common here in Brazil although it is growing now and more temples are being created. My family was Christian but I had always liked oriental philosophy since my teens. Probably with some influence of my older brother and a major influence of a Tai Chi and Kung Fu teacher that I had. When I was around eleven, I and my older brother started attending this martial arts classes and my teacher used to teach us about meditation and even read some parts of the Tao Te Ching, Buddhist mantras or other Taoists or Hindu texts.
In time I started to ask him to lend me some of those books and I started reading more and more. As a teenager I got completely hooked and I ended up creating this childish fantasy of becoming a monk and going to live in the mountains and achieve enlightenment... lol, teenagers. After I got older I joined a Zen Buddhist temple which was amongst all the eastern philosophies the one I felt was the best for me. For a long time I believed that I could achieve this illusion of enlightenment until I got completely disillusioned.
Even though disenchanted with this spiritual practice, from time to time I ended up coming back and practicing again and then out again and then back and so on.
There is this thing: most of the times I believe that there is no enlightenment and no end of suffering. Suffering is just an important "skill" that we got because of natural selection. Suffering and craving helped to keep us alive and to pass on our genes.
Probably, we will never be completely happy simply because we did not evolve to be happy. We evolved to survive and pass on our genes. No more than that. A completely happy man on the Paleolithic is not more likely to pass on his genes then and angry or slightly unhappy but very strong man. Full happiness or enlightenment does not make an individual more equipped to survive. Maybe it is even better to be not so happy on and evolutional point of view. I can easily see a strong tribe of violent people massacring a peaceful tribe of enlightened and happy people and then passing on their more ?violent? genes. It just is not important to survival, so those attributes were not naturally selected. To live a life with some balance between happiness and suffering is probably the better we can achieve, because that is what we are because of evolution, nothing else. Of course that is not the Buddhist view. One of the four noble truths is the end suffering. In Buddhism there is pain, but there is also nirvana. There is ultimate salvation and there is a state of ultimate wisdom.
Even so, there is this thing in the back of my mind. Even if I don?t believe in any religion any more, and I do consider myself atheist, but still I think I would not be completely honest to myself if I said that there is nothing to meditation. Even if I distrust the philosophy now, it still seems that there is something about that particular posture, about that particular practice. Which is to just sit in ?zazen?, or ?dyana? as the hindu call it. I did not get attracted to Buddhism just because of the philosophy. I also got there because many times it seemed to happen something very powerful and very inexplicable when I was meditating. So I still think: what if there is something there and I am giving up on something very important just because of my prejudices and mental fantasies? What if I just did not realize it because I did not try hard enough? But then, again, what if there was never anything special? What if all the time, this ?powerful? spiritual practice was just an illusion? What if I was just trying to create some illusion to make me feel good and believe that there is some fundamental meaning to our lives? But then again, is it really? Can all that which I felt to be just illusion? Why even today, even with all my distrust I still sometimes just get in that posture and feel something so different?
I don?t know. I am still not sure, but this spiritual "thing", that could very well be just an ilusion, is still very powerful to me. I still spend a lot of time of my day thinking about it without finding a final solution.
On other note, last night I had a very powerful trigger. Last night I had a really vivid sex dream with a girl I just saw singing on youtube. It was not even anything sexual, I just saw before going to bed some Ukrainian girl who was singing very well on one of those ?Idols? kind of shows and at night I had a very long and very real dream of making sex with this girl and when I woke up I was so hard and the urge was really bad. I almost MO. I actually started to MO remembering my dream but then I was able to get up and take a coldish bath to stop the urges. I guess I will not count it as a relapse but that was pretty bad. I guess my stupid addicted mind can?t even see a clothed woman on the internet that it goes back to those urges. Come on! Help me here mind! If this goes on I won?t even be able to watch youtube anymore.
Anyway, as the days go by without MO, I know that the urges will only get harder but I will fight them off. I had failed too many times. I won?t again.
Wow, what a wall of text. Well, I guess I will post it anyway. It did felt good to write all that.
neon tiger
Active Member
I am beyond fascinated with this story tzimisce! I was raised catholic, but as an emerging adult during my college years, and the altered states i experienced using a range of substances, i came in conflict with everything i thought i knew about god and religion. I got intrigued with eastern philosophies, but i never really pursued them as a practice or study. They made sense to me though, and with the little yoga and meditation i practiced, i experienced more glimpses of "enlightenment" than i ever did in church. Ive been meditating every morning almost every day of my reboot. It has been a critical piece of my process.
Did you ever read Life of Pi, by Yann Martell? I think you would relate to it a lot- the book more so than the movie (the movie was great, but there is a lot in the first third of the book that the movie doesn't go that much into).
Regarding evolution, i will keep my opinion to myself for the time being- i am more interesting to see what this thought process lead you to. I am a biology mayor, and evolution is probably my favorite field, followed by cell biology. Just consider that whatever evolution lead us to as a species doesn't necessarily apply to the civilized, thinking, social, cultural man.
Oh, and triggers- i just heard in a guided meditation a couple days ago that thoughts are only mindless activities of the mind. In the context of the meditation that made so much sense to me, and i have been able to bring that idea into my daily activities. When i get sexual thoughts, i have been a lot more successful at dismissing them, as opposed to following that train of thought. Quite empowering.
carry on my friend
Did you ever read Life of Pi, by Yann Martell? I think you would relate to it a lot- the book more so than the movie (the movie was great, but there is a lot in the first third of the book that the movie doesn't go that much into).
Regarding evolution, i will keep my opinion to myself for the time being- i am more interesting to see what this thought process lead you to. I am a biology mayor, and evolution is probably my favorite field, followed by cell biology. Just consider that whatever evolution lead us to as a species doesn't necessarily apply to the civilized, thinking, social, cultural man.
Oh, and triggers- i just heard in a guided meditation a couple days ago that thoughts are only mindless activities of the mind. In the context of the meditation that made so much sense to me, and i have been able to bring that idea into my daily activities. When i get sexual thoughts, i have been a lot more successful at dismissing them, as opposed to following that train of thought. Quite empowering.
carry on my friend
rodrigo_reboot
Member
Hi Neon.
Sure, I don't want to imply that we should try to live a life based on survival; it is not the case anymore. I wanted to mean just that in Buddhism and other eastern religions, the idea of enlightenment is fundamental to every living being. The very reason for us to be here in this life is to achieve enlightenment and to be free of the cycle of birth and death. This is at the core of the faith and the meaning of our life. What I meant was just that of course there is no evidence or even a clue that humans could be able to vanquish all pain and find a state of complete enlightenment and complete understanding.
For Buddhists, the basic principles are the four noble truths, which are: the fact that life is painful, that pain is caused by cravings which are caused by ignorance, and that there is a path to completely vanquish all pain and ignorance. It is of course a faith issue, but on a rational only analysis, it creates a few problems. Besides the fact that there is no evidence that it is possible, maybe, on an evolutional standpoint, it could even be preferable to have pain and cravings. Possibly, for all life, moments of pain will always exist and maybe they are important.
Well, evolution is not my field, but this faith thing is important to me. I am concerned that this practice could very well be just an illusion created to make us feel good.
Anyway, last night I had another sex dream with the same girl. She is not even all that beautiful. She is sexy, but to have dreams on two nights with the same girl that I just saw singing? It is weird. I know I don?t have control over it, so it is no big deal but I do have a fianc?. I would rather dream with her but I don?t. Probably this is a fact of the Coolidge effect that my mind was trained to like even more because of the P addiction. I don?t know. I hope it subdues with time too. Those dreams make me wake up extremely horny so it could be a trigger.
So far I am feeling good. I am just focusing on surviving another weekend. I think I will be able to, because my brother who lives in another city will attend to a seminar in my city this weekend and he will stay with me. That is good. I even thought about talking to him about my PMO issues. He is a psychiatrist, so he could probably help a lot. But he is also my big brother and I am a little bit ashamed to admit those things. When we were younger we used to talk a lot about everything. Maybe I should talk to him about it all, maybe even show my journal. I don?t know. It is hard. I think that people outside have no idea I have those issues. Well I will think about it more.
Thanks again Neon for all the help. I believe that I would already have given up without your help. If it is true that there is such a thing as karma, I hope that all the good things you are doing for me and for many other members on this forum come back to you. I hope you receive back in double all the goodness and kindness that you are giving.
Sure, I don't want to imply that we should try to live a life based on survival; it is not the case anymore. I wanted to mean just that in Buddhism and other eastern religions, the idea of enlightenment is fundamental to every living being. The very reason for us to be here in this life is to achieve enlightenment and to be free of the cycle of birth and death. This is at the core of the faith and the meaning of our life. What I meant was just that of course there is no evidence or even a clue that humans could be able to vanquish all pain and find a state of complete enlightenment and complete understanding.
For Buddhists, the basic principles are the four noble truths, which are: the fact that life is painful, that pain is caused by cravings which are caused by ignorance, and that there is a path to completely vanquish all pain and ignorance. It is of course a faith issue, but on a rational only analysis, it creates a few problems. Besides the fact that there is no evidence that it is possible, maybe, on an evolutional standpoint, it could even be preferable to have pain and cravings. Possibly, for all life, moments of pain will always exist and maybe they are important.
Well, evolution is not my field, but this faith thing is important to me. I am concerned that this practice could very well be just an illusion created to make us feel good.
Anyway, last night I had another sex dream with the same girl. She is not even all that beautiful. She is sexy, but to have dreams on two nights with the same girl that I just saw singing? It is weird. I know I don?t have control over it, so it is no big deal but I do have a fianc?. I would rather dream with her but I don?t. Probably this is a fact of the Coolidge effect that my mind was trained to like even more because of the P addiction. I don?t know. I hope it subdues with time too. Those dreams make me wake up extremely horny so it could be a trigger.
So far I am feeling good. I am just focusing on surviving another weekend. I think I will be able to, because my brother who lives in another city will attend to a seminar in my city this weekend and he will stay with me. That is good. I even thought about talking to him about my PMO issues. He is a psychiatrist, so he could probably help a lot. But he is also my big brother and I am a little bit ashamed to admit those things. When we were younger we used to talk a lot about everything. Maybe I should talk to him about it all, maybe even show my journal. I don?t know. It is hard. I think that people outside have no idea I have those issues. Well I will think about it more.
Thanks again Neon for all the help. I believe that I would already have given up without your help. If it is true that there is such a thing as karma, I hope that all the good things you are doing for me and for many other members on this forum come back to you. I hope you receive back in double all the goodness and kindness that you are giving.
rodrigo_reboot
Member
Another day without PMO. Feeling good so far. The weekend is coming, and if I can get past it I will have a good streak, at least for me.
Just posting to remember myself that it is important and worth to keep in this way. Whenever I feel the urge, I just have to remember how much better I feel without PMO.
Just posting to remember myself that it is important and worth to keep in this way. Whenever I feel the urge, I just have to remember how much better I feel without PMO.