hcobra1972
Member
Hi real name is josh. So about three weeks ago my wife tells me she is done and wants a divorce. I was devastated. Over the next couple of days i did alot of looking in the mirror. I came to the conclusion that i am a porn addict. I confessed to my wife and to god. And she has agreed to counseling we start next tues. I never thought i was hurting anyone. But looking back i dont blame my wife at all i was emotionally cheating on her with porn. It changed the way itreated her and i didnt even realize it. I was distant, never in the mood. I would tell myself its early in the day. I can M and still be with her tonight. But i was always not in the mood having spent my appetite on myself. Ive purged all my porn stash. Havent PMO'D In 2 weeks now. Still having sex with wife though. First few days my emotions were on a roller coaster. One day was optimistic everything is gonna be fine. Next was severe depression, suicidal thoughts even. But im starting to feel more balanced. More like my old self before things got out of control. Im 41 btw. My parents were divorced twice by the time i was 5 yo. Me and my lil brother grew up with my grandparents. I was pretty shy as a kid especially where girls were concerned. Started using porn around 11 or 12. Had stash of mags a foot tall at least by the time i was 13. Then i got a vcr in my room. That changed everything. Makes me worried for my son. Didnt have an orgasm with real woman until i was 19. So i had a good 7 years of porn conditioning before i even had a real relationship. And not alot more experience than that before i met my wife at 27. Thats when i got my first home computer and internet (late comer i know). No more need for mags or hard copy movies. So i have some relationship skills to learn aside from this monkey on my back. I have pushed my wife away both emotionally and physically. And the whole time she thought it was her. Porn is the worst thing that ever happened to me. Ive been trying to absorb all the info that i can so if any has any advice im all ears.