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Crackers1

Member
I was very hesitant to join the forum, for fear of judgement, but here I am. I am sure nobody wants the long version of my life, so I will try to keep it short.
To say the least I feel so alone and relentlessly worried at this porn reboot process. I'm really hoping and praying there are some people on here that could give me great insight, because I really need it.
I'm a man in my early fifties, married with 4 children.Porn and visual masturbation has ruined my sex life, and my thoughts on sex and women. Before there was any info on the rebooting process, I had been hospitalized at least a half a dozen times from the mania that this addiction has caused me.It was the intense shame of not being able to perform sexually, that it drove me to insanity.As time went by, and Youtube came full circle, I was able to search porn addiction.I was floored at how some of these young men ( who should be at their most veral point of their lives) were suffering from ED. I've tried over and over again to quit, and have gotten as far as 17 days. Along with the dopamine hit of ejacualtion to porn, I added alcohol( only wine) in the mix.About 3 weeks ago I had a breakdown, because my weight had soared out of control, along with the drinking.Subsequently, I lost 35 lbs in 2 weeks, and quit drinking all together, and now battling abstinence from drinking, porn and a food addiction. It is hell on this earth. I almost felt better and more relaxed with being addicted.Now, I can't sleep, my urinating has become a problem, and I am so tense and my head is spinning out of control.I was so concerned about my health and what I had done, I went and got a physical.My chief concern was my prostate. My doctor did a PSA test along with a whole gammet of other tests. My PSA came up as 1.6, which the doctor said was good for my age, but I am still worried it is something else. If anyone ( and please no ridiculing) can give me some insight, and more than just a simple 2 sentence arbitrary statement, of what I need to do, some of your own experiences and coping mechanisms, because really am in a bad spot. Thanks for reading and I hope I can form some solid relationships with some of you.Be well everyone!
 
5

5yrs_is_enough

Member
Hello Sir! I’m so sorry for you, but I believe you can quit this addiction as many have done in the past and are doing now. However, looking at your age as you mentioned it left me nothing but to wonder how long you’ve been on this addiction, if my guess is correct(i hope it’s not), it’s more than addiction to you it’s become a lifestyle. You need to be very serious about quitting, it’s never too late with the right mindset. If there’s anything i can say for someone like you is too spend more time with your family and children than by yourself when you’re at home. I will also recommend checking the 40 and up section of this platform to see people of your age and more similar situation, read their post and see how they’re progressing as they battle this addiction. You’ve got this sir! I hope what I said is helpful. Stay Strong!
 
Daybyday1988

Daybyday1988

Active Member
welcome,

i would suggest a few things about recovering, which comes from abstaining from porn use, masturbation, orgasm for awhile, and fantasy.

1. put up a very strong boundary so you cant use.
- you can do this with a strong blocker like Covenant Eyes, details in my signature below

2. you stay super busy
- incorporate exercise regularly into your life. theres a study that was done on drug addicts that showed dopamine receptor density increase several times faster with those who exercised compared to those who abstained alone. Also, improve yourself with other hobbies, passions, etc.

3. Psychologically learn how to cope with the intense urges to use again when they come.
-developing a healthy thought pattern when urges comes removes their power over your mind. journaling also gives you information on when your cravings kick in (at a certain time of day, a certain number of days into abstinence etc)

4. Educate yourself
-reading success stories, read articles on yourbrainonporn.com, pmoflatline and others, watch videos from Gabe etc)
 
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Spadeship

Member
I’m sorry that porn got that deep in your head. But there’s other things that are just as deep actually deeper. I find it facsimiling that the human brain can be trained to stimuli. That gets me hard lol sorry if that’s inappropriate but humor is a great coping mechanism.
I think love is the deepest thing that no one can ever understand. I think that if you love your family you have a huge shot. The mind is addicted and runs off of trained chemical patterns. But you love your partner so your porn addiction is also struggling to consume you entirely. And your stuck in the middle of two feelings love and addiction. The addiction I like to think of as a quick fix. But it’s so intense. Love on the other hand. Is long lasting and embracing. The porn tells me that it’ll always be here for me because it has in a sense I’ve trained my mind to keep consuming it. But your love-o-meter. Never leaves you in the hurt that porn does. I’d give anything to keep that love from waining. And that includes porn. Easier said than done. Push back just as strong when the lies get in your head. In that tug of war of love and porn. It’s strong but so are you
 
C

Crackers1

Member
Thank you everyone.Ive made it to day 14. I never, ever, ever, ever thought something like this would turn my life so upside down.The intense pain in my genital and rectal area when I drive and sit ( mostly brought on by unconscious triggers) is something I would not wish on my worst enemies.My worrying has intensified to where I can barely function.Yesterday, in particular almost got me.I was just lying in bed face down, speaking with my mother, and crying.My wife tells me toughen up, and maybe I should.I cant wallow in this pity party. I joined SAA and have had mixed reviews on it. I feel like Im alone when I hear others stories. The support from the individuals has been "ok". Cant expect people to be as supportive as my family. Ive had some unresolved coping issues with my fathers death. I lost him 3 years ago and in the reboot process, I have not only had to tackle the porn, but realize that I held back so many unresolved issues. Not grieving properly, not addressing porn and the fear or loss and abandonment from wife and children. I do feel better than when I started, but it has been very slight. I was so manic the first week to 10 days I thought death was the best option. Now, I am kind coming down from the " high" and slightly crashing. Some people showed concern that breaking a porn,alcohol and eating addiction at once was pure suicide.They weren't kidding.But the 3 things for me at least go hand and hand. This morning Im resounding to the fact that there is nothing l can do about this, but ride it out, in hopes I either have a good outcome or a bad outcome.I also realized how cruel and uncaring the worlds individuals can be. That Google and the entire internet is Satan himself. The deceit and calouousness of that artifical garbage can only summed up to what the closest thing to Hell could be.I do not know what this day will bring me and at this point, my level of optimism is shoulder shrugging. Thanks again everyone and be well.
 
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