First of all I would like to share my story and my relationship with porn. I am a 17 year old student and started watching porn around the age of 14. At first I didn't think much of it and just masturbated because it was fun. But as my mental health decreased my porn consume increased as well, because I used masturbation to relief stress. I always knew that using drugs to cope with your issues will only make them worse but I was always told that masturbation is completely normal so I didn't realize what I was doing wrong. A year went by and my porn consume drastically increased. Then I started questioning if I had a serious addiction, but I always told myself that I could stop If I just tried hard enough. So after a while I tried and I failed miserably. My porn addiction then further increased and I tried quitting over and over again and everytime I relapsed worse, making no progress. I also started watching more hardcore stuff (creampies, threesome FFM) because my brain was desensitized, started to jerk of Multiple times a day and started to stretch the masturbation process out because I didn't want the stimulation to end. Masturbation was my escape from the terrible reality but it was also closely connected with anxiety. Until a year ago I was to scared to open up to someone about my addiction and I always felt anxiety while masturbating (what if someone caught me and found out I have and addiction...). Additionally after I finished I also always felt guilty because I was jerking of to some fucked up shit, which I instantly regretted watching but I kept watching it again and again because "normal porn" wouldn't turn me on anymore. I also fell down the rabbit hole of leak model sites and my god the women there were so pretty that I couldn't stop thinking about them.
Currently I am in a mental hospital because of many different issues including porn addiction. However I mostly fixed all of my past problems my self (with the help of Self Improvement) but my brain is still so dependant to the dopamine hits of masturbation. So everytime something goes wrong in my life I start relapsing again and blaming myself harder everytime. The most days I went without jerking off was a bit more then a week in the last 2 years and I feel so dumb because quitting porn just sounds so easy: I mean just simply don't watch it.
I noticed that the main things stoping me from jerking of were social interactions and meditation. If my meditation routine was somehow interrupted I just would relapse again.
I hope someone here can relate to my story and from now on I will keep y'all' updated on my journey. But I don't want to count every day and don't want to mention my urges that much because it just keeps reminding me of the one thing.
I know I'm gonna overcome my addiction and start to focus more on my music.
Everyone will make it someday!!!
Currently I am in a mental hospital because of many different issues including porn addiction. However I mostly fixed all of my past problems my self (with the help of Self Improvement) but my brain is still so dependant to the dopamine hits of masturbation. So everytime something goes wrong in my life I start relapsing again and blaming myself harder everytime. The most days I went without jerking off was a bit more then a week in the last 2 years and I feel so dumb because quitting porn just sounds so easy: I mean just simply don't watch it.
I noticed that the main things stoping me from jerking of were social interactions and meditation. If my meditation routine was somehow interrupted I just would relapse again.
I hope someone here can relate to my story and from now on I will keep y'all' updated on my journey. But I don't want to count every day and don't want to mention my urges that much because it just keeps reminding me of the one thing.
I know I'm gonna overcome my addiction and start to focus more on my music.
Everyone will make it someday!!!