douglasfirs
Member
Thank you so much! This really motivated me to keep going, specially that you like reading my diary. Thanks!
Starting over to never have to start over again
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douglasfirs
Member
Day 9 (?) of no PMO (I really lose count easily).
I don't even know where to start, so much going through my mind lately... But let's go.
I'm officially on vacation for college. Just finished my last paper of this semester, so now my nights are officially free, everyday, for 2/3 months. Now, I really wanna start to do stuff I never managed to go through, like playing bass. And reflecting on the past, I realized that the used of P really hindered my experiences. Because like, what P is? Instant gratification. You wire your brain to the instant gratification of the use of it, and that really influences how you live your life, you keep craving that rush in everything you do. For example, in relationships, I couldn't develop a good conversation, trying always to turn that conversation into something sexual. But the biggest example I could give is the proccess of learning. When you are learning how to do anything, you are bad the start. You don't feel well because you want that feeling of joy doing it, and because your brain is wired to only enjoy the end, you get frustrated and drop what you were learning.
I really want to pick up on where I left off on so many things. I actually listed my top 5 goals to learn during this vacation. I want to really learn how to play bass properly, as I love music and have started playing bass many times but never followed through; get better at skating, as I also started this process a few times but I'm like 4 months without skating so I want to enjoy my nights with it; learn how to play chess; learn how to code in Python and learn how to drive a car. Hope I can do at least 2 of these. as they are kinda hard to do hehe.
I think that's about it. The ReMojo app has been helping me a lot on this last few days, so yeah. Thanks for reading!
I don't even know where to start, so much going through my mind lately... But let's go.
I'm officially on vacation for college. Just finished my last paper of this semester, so now my nights are officially free, everyday, for 2/3 months. Now, I really wanna start to do stuff I never managed to go through, like playing bass. And reflecting on the past, I realized that the used of P really hindered my experiences. Because like, what P is? Instant gratification. You wire your brain to the instant gratification of the use of it, and that really influences how you live your life, you keep craving that rush in everything you do. For example, in relationships, I couldn't develop a good conversation, trying always to turn that conversation into something sexual. But the biggest example I could give is the proccess of learning. When you are learning how to do anything, you are bad the start. You don't feel well because you want that feeling of joy doing it, and because your brain is wired to only enjoy the end, you get frustrated and drop what you were learning.
I really want to pick up on where I left off on so many things. I actually listed my top 5 goals to learn during this vacation. I want to really learn how to play bass properly, as I love music and have started playing bass many times but never followed through; get better at skating, as I also started this process a few times but I'm like 4 months without skating so I want to enjoy my nights with it; learn how to play chess; learn how to code in Python and learn how to drive a car. Hope I can do at least 2 of these. as they are kinda hard to do hehe.
I think that's about it. The ReMojo app has been helping me a lot on this last few days, so yeah. Thanks for reading!
douglasfirs
Member
Almost a year has passed. I am currently about 30 days into a no PMO streak.
Since my last post, a lot of things have happened. Had suicidal thoughts, was fired from my job, had lots of issues, and, most importantly, I started taking an antidepressant. Paroxetine. I approached the psychiatrist with a clear goal: stop consuming P. I looked for a more "modern" psychiatrist, about my age, that could really understand my issue, and he did wonderfully. I started taking in the middle of August, so I'm still at the early stages, but it's clearlly helping.
Last week I attempted having sex with a girl that I don't really like or feel attracted to, just to see how I was dealing with it. Didn't really get anxious, but still couldn't get a proper erection. A question to whoever may read this, have you ever popped a viagra pill while on a reboot/rewire, and what was the effect?
Thanks for reading.
Since my last post, a lot of things have happened. Had suicidal thoughts, was fired from my job, had lots of issues, and, most importantly, I started taking an antidepressant. Paroxetine. I approached the psychiatrist with a clear goal: stop consuming P. I looked for a more "modern" psychiatrist, about my age, that could really understand my issue, and he did wonderfully. I started taking in the middle of August, so I'm still at the early stages, but it's clearlly helping.
Last week I attempted having sex with a girl that I don't really like or feel attracted to, just to see how I was dealing with it. Didn't really get anxious, but still couldn't get a proper erection. A question to whoever may read this, have you ever popped a viagra pill while on a reboot/rewire, and what was the effect?
Thanks for reading.
douglasfirs
Member
Thank you so much!
douglasfirs
Member
Good evening everyone! This is day 30 something of no PMO, not really keeping count of the exact days but here we are!
I'm doing fine without the P, one thing that I think really helped me keep everything together was meditating while I was high, I felt like the things there were said during the guided medidation really stuck in my brain when I did it under the effect of drugs.
I'm also talking to an interesting girl atm, really digging her and we're set to go on a date next week. It's been a while since I really felt something talking to someone, you know? Like that you are actually enjoying the conversation, the way she talks to you and such. Tuesday will be the day, hope she likes me in person.
I have one question for those that did Kegel Exercises. Which exercises are the best? I tried searching for exercises here but every video or page tells you to do a different one, so I got really confused.
Thanks for reading!
I'm doing fine without the P, one thing that I think really helped me keep everything together was meditating while I was high, I felt like the things there were said during the guided medidation really stuck in my brain when I did it under the effect of drugs.
I'm also talking to an interesting girl atm, really digging her and we're set to go on a date next week. It's been a while since I really felt something talking to someone, you know? Like that you are actually enjoying the conversation, the way she talks to you and such. Tuesday will be the day, hope she likes me in person.
I have one question for those that did Kegel Exercises. Which exercises are the best? I tried searching for exercises here but every video or page tells you to do a different one, so I got really confused.
Thanks for reading!
The answer to that may depend on which muscles are weak in your body. So, don’t hesitate to do different kinds of Kegels. Some people recommend reversed Kegels others, regular Kegels. Why not do both?