A troubled cure for a troubled mind

[narfolee]

LS90,

No judgement here buddy. I fucked up early last week - had sex with an ex while I've just started dating someone I actually like!

I don't know if you know my story but I've suffered from minor PIED in the past and just recently decided to quit porn for good - telling my girl I think porn is the reason why I've been having boner probs. She supports it and decided to quit porn with me (yeah she admitted to using it!)

Anyways back to my fuck up. You had problems with ED with your girl...and worse problems with the rave girl. As a guy who is absolutely sex crazed I COULD NOT BELIEVE how soft my boner was (I'm talking 60-70%) when I was "doing wrong". I had a bad feeling in my stomach - and I lasted maybe 3-4 minutes because I felt myself going down and had to finish fast before I lost it.

Fast forward to this weekend. Back to the girl I'm dating. The one I like. The one who I'm honest with and who I want to have a future with? 3 successful orgasms, last one with a condom - which usually kills me.

You are discouraged cause you lost it with the new girl. Well I say take it as a sign...but that behind you. Focus your efforts on improving the relationship with your girl - and if you do like her, stop fucking around with "free to do whatever"...because if you see her run off with someone you might become a sad man. Capitalize. Romantisize. Take whats yours.

Peace brother - and have faith in your brain.

 

[LS90]

LS90,

Anyways back to my fuck up. You had problems with ED with your girl...and worse problems with the rave girl. As a guy who is absolutely sex crazed I COULD NOT BELIEVE how soft my boner was (I'm talking 60-70%) when I was "doing wrong". I had a bad feeling in my stomach - and I lasted maybe 3-4 minutes because I felt myself going down and had to finish fast before I lost it.

Fast forward to this weekend. Back to the girl I'm dating. The one I like. The one who I'm honest with and who I want to have a future with? 3 successful orgasms, last one with a condom - which usually kills me.

You are discouraged cause you lost it with the new girl. Well I say take it as a sign...but that behind you. Focus your efforts on improving the relationship with your girl - and if you do like her, stop fucking around with "free to do whatever"...because if you see her run off with someone you might become a sad man. Capitalize. Romantisize. Take whats yours.

Peace brother - and have faith in your brain.

Well I guess there were many causes in that debacle.. I definitely need to put it behind. Unfortunately I've had again massive ED this week.. But it's a mental issue - I feel like I'm afraid to not last and other negative thoughts and... I fail. Also I'm really a control freak in the bed. I need to have everything under control and be the leader - this requires a lot of self-esteem which I may be lacking due to this internal turmoil .

I had a breakdown and started complaining about it for like 15 min - we went to bed and then my stupid dick lifted itself on its fucking own - we had successfull intercourse with O and all and I was super happy! I feel like I'm 16 again. Had the same problems back then  :.

On that account, though.. I'm currently living abroad for studies. Will stay here 6 months and then move on to another country for another 6 months and then.. Who knows? Long term relationships can't be part of my life. Had one this Jan when I was working in yet another country (yes, I travel a lot!  ). Lasted 6 months and then we had to break up because we had very different life plans. Felt crap for a month about it so I'm not really in the mood for another future painful break up.. I mean, almost all relationships nowadays end, but knowing the expiry date is really, really depressing.

So that's why for me thinking long term relationship-wise is a no-no. But these things.. Meeting a girl you share a lot of things with, happen randomly. You can't predict them. 

---

Slowly on my way to day 90.. Started doing kegels. I admit I overlooked the thing - hopefully in a few weeks I'll feel some improvements.

 

[randomdude]

I had a breakdown and started complaining about it for like 15 min - we went to bed and then my stupid dick lifted itself on its fucking own

I think this here is the explanation to your problem. There are a million things that can make you nervous in these situations all they can all ruin your hard-on. And if you've had ED before you'll be afraid it'll happen again. I don't think I've ever had a sexual partner who I didn't experience some form of ED with the first time. And I think know exactly how you feel. I've hated myself because of it and it has made me feel like i lost my once-in-a-life-time shot at great sex, at fullfilling my fantasies. I experiences everything from DE to complete ED. But I know the reason, it's because I'm nervous, afraid, have high expectations etc etc.
It's a LOT easier said than done, but try to relax and don't make such a big deal out of it Take it slow, and if the circumstances are right, talk about it with her (like you did).

Lastly, that 80 day O you described sounded pretty damn awesome. That's the kind of motivation we need to stay PMO free

 

[LS90]

There are a million things that can make you nervous in these situations all they can all ruin your hard-on. And if you've had ED before you'll be afraid it'll happen again. I don't think I've ever had a sexual partner who I didn't experience some form of ED with the first time.

Lastly, that 80 day O you described sounded pretty damn awesome. That's the kind of motivation we need to stay PMO free

Absolutely right. Yeah.. It's more the cases in which I did suffer of ED than the ones I didn't. If I have to count, I've had ED problems with all my previous 5 girlfriends. If we count ONS.. Boy the number gets bigger.

Yeah that was absolutely great. Only achievable with abstinence, didn't feel such a strong O three days ago. 

Anyway! Celebrating day 90 of HARD MODE and 125 days away from P with football and a date.  8) Have a great week everyone!

 

[LS90]

Had ED also yesterday.. Well, I felt horny as hell for the first hours but we were watching football and I didn't capitalise. When she got in the mood, I couldn't keep it up. We watched an episode of a series and I got up again.. Had sex, lasted for 4 minutes  :-X. Changed the brand of condoms though and they were pretty nice to be honest! That may have contributed.

 

[LS90]

I do realise my journal is getting a sort of "did LS90 managed to get laid yesterday night?".  ;D

So.. How to fix the situation?

-I'm probably closing it with the FWB. She's getting into me and I'm not following her much. Back into the limbo again, need to recharge batteries a tiny bit..
-Daily 3 series of kegels. 10 reps of 5 secs each.
-Hardly feeling any chasers. I had massive cravings of O after the first huge one, now situation is much more stable (I have also to say that the orgasms are back to normal power.. : couldn't feel another O like the hard mode one.  :'( )
-Looking for a new place! Want to have more freedom. Always had less sex problems also when I played at 'home' - a thing I can't do as I live with my landlord and I would get killed if I bring someone home

And about PMO? Fuck it! Seriously. I feel so good, I don't need that bringing me down again. Stay strong guys!

 

[randomdude]

Changed the brand of condoms though and they were pretty nice to be honest!

I don't know about you but I really hate condoms. Just the thought of them kills my boner. No matter how horny I am, at the time I've finally gotten it on and am ready to go, the ED is in maximum overdrive. And there's no way to get it up again. Fuck those things.

I do realise my journal is getting a sort of "did LS90 managed to get laid yesterday night?".  ;D

Haha, that is awesome tho!

And about PMO? Fuck it! Seriously. I feel so good, I don't need that bringing me down again. Stay strong guys!

That's the spirit

 

[LS90]

Changed the brand of condoms though and they were pretty nice to be honest!

I don't know about you but I really hate condoms. Just the thought of them kills my boner. No matter how horny I am, at the time I've finally gotten it on and am ready to go, the ED is in maximum overdrive. And there's no way to get it up again. Fuck those things.

Yeah, they definitely not help and it's an easy thing to blame. Generally when I'm fully erected and I go to get a condom it just goes down. Comes back up pretty quickly though.

Anyway I """"relapsed"""". Hardly calling it a relapse as I did MO without any P/imagery or whatsoever and I was four days from completing my 100 days of hard mode. I had really mild fantasies of having sex with the girl I've been out yesterday night.

Had like massive, massive blue balls. I have a physical problem as well as I wrote before (varicocele) and I couldn't sleep - emptying your sack reduces the swell so I just had to do it.

Luckily I didn't go to her place as we were both completely drunk and I would have made a mess out of it - I barely had a hard on while MOing.

 

[Yelashade]

Hey man, hope you're holding the fort down ok haha!

I wouldn't worry so much about your "relapse" - M is absolutely fine as long as you don't follow the chaser effect haha. Sorry that your fwb is coming to an end, guess that halts the rewiring a little but you'll get there bro! I guess, after O'ing, you probably felt better about yourself and more motivated! Use that to your advantage and plow through life's struggles as we all do haha.

Not sure what else to say, really; this is more of a "Go You!" sort of post haha! Take it easy bro

 

[LS90]

Hey man, hope you're holding the fort down ok haha!

I wouldn't worry so much about your "relapse" - M is absolutely fine as long as you don't follow the chaser effect haha. Sorry that your fwb is coming to an end, guess that halts the rewiring a little but you'll get there bro! I guess, after O'ing, you probably felt better about yourself and more motivated! Use that to your advantage and plow through life's struggles as we all do haha.

Not sure what else to say, really; this is more of a "Go You!" sort of post haha! Take it easy bro

Yeah I don't mind much . Also O-wise it was pretty weak and I didn't enjoy it much - I think I can safely say I won't ever go back to constant MO!

My FWB story has to finish as she is getting too attached to me.. And I'm not ready to commit to another relationship with an expiry date as I'll move out of this country in June.. I'll talk to her tomorrow and see if she agrees with me or if we have to go back to being.. Just friends!

Thanks man for the message, it's always nice to hear some words - I agree the rewiring process may be """"halted"""" but.. It's for the best. I don't want to use her for my.. experiments.

 

[LS90]

Stupid scandinavian winters.. You wake up at 8 am and the moon is still up high. You go to work/university and when you get out it's already dark.. Ough. Really messing up my mood. Can't wait to get back to my country, I'm feeling homesick and I still have got still eleven days here. I have to keep strong as my morale is rock bottom and I'm hardly enjoying my last few weeks here.. The whole experience however has been amazing.

I have felt a little bit under the weather lately and ended up browsing the FB page of a controversial pornstar. Kinda vanilla images afterall (it's still facebook) but I felt that absolutely insane voice asking me to... 'go look something else.. Something stronger'.

I guess sometimes we tend to forget all the positive factors abstaining from PMO brought us.. Always make a list of your improvements guys! You may end up forgetting them! Here's mine:

1) Felt more confidence in my self-control skills.
2) Pleasure of not being conditioned anymore when in a relationship
3) General feeling of happiness and freedom. Being addicted to something sucks!

On the other hand, ED is still an 'issue' and I guess half of the benefits of no-PMO are more noticeable when you're in a relationship (which I'm not anymore).

To end up on a positive note: two days ago I ended up the relationship with my date. She didn't take it lightly but then yesterday we met again and she agreed to stay friends, which is cool.  I felt like crap after leaving her and back in the days I'd just wank one off and go to bed. But I didn't. 

 

[LS90]

I see a lot of people binge-relapsing lately. What's going on? I myself lack a little bit of motivation at the moment - but if I recall well what has brought me doing 130+ days of no porn has been pure self-determination. Wish I could say more to these peeps! But if you want to get back on your feet, you're the only one that can lift you up.

This would be to all the guys relapsing recently, but also to me as I've had some nasty chasers-thoughts in the past few days I want to kick out of my mind.

 

[Yelashade]

I see a lot of people binge-relapsing lately. What's going on? I myself lack a little bit of motivation at the moment - but if I recall well what has brought me doing 130+ days of no porn has been pure self-determination. Wish I could say more to these peeps! But if you want to get back on your feet, you're the only one that can lift you up.

This would be to all the guys relapsing recently, but also to me as I've had some nasty chasers-thoughts in the past few days I want to kick out of my mind.

This x1000

 

[LS90]

Having said so, got injured yesterday at the gym. I thing I strained half of my left-side dorso muscles while doing deadlifts.

Painful and depressing. I was hoping to get back home and train with my friends like we used to do, go skiing with my family, playing football with friends.. Hardly gonna happen now.  :-\ Leaving the cold and dark scandinavian December on Friday will still cheer me up hopefully.

Had been having sex dreams since my ex asked to hang out when I go back to my country this weekend (we're 90% gonna have sex, always like that). Yesterday between the pain from the injury and massive blue balls (tipical when I reach 8-10 days of no orgasms and after physical exercise) I had to  wank one off.

No P, just 'healthy' real sex thoughts. That's the way masturbation should probably be. It's surprising how such a short time it takes me to come now from my own stimulation.. Well. I was barely unable to do that before so that should count as an improvement? Stay strong everyone.  

 

[narfolee]

Bit of ex-sex will do ya good. Good work man.. hit the 150 mark and avoid MO as much as possible.

 

[LS90]

Hi guys, sorry for the week long silence. Coming back home brought a lot of feelings back and me and my ex girlfriend decided to try back again. She's the only person with whom I have great sex and I never suffer any problems, at all. My mind is at ease with her and I feel like a normal human being again. I think I still love her, and even though we currently live in two different countries (with my studies and all..) we're gonna try it again. We've been going in and out of a relationship since we first met almost 9 years ago.. 

Anyway, bumped on this video about addiction. It's so powerful guys. That's us, that was me (and the bird is penis shaped, eheh). Hope you can have a look and find some food for your thoughts. Click on the image

ADDICTION - A VIDEO
​

 

[JohnnyFapdTooMuch]

I was somewhat in your shoes at one point.. I was having great sex with my ex, we broke up. I went on a binge of PMO and then I finally started dating and seeing other girls and that's what I realized what PMO had been doing to me all these years.. At one point I had met back up with that ex. We went out, we had some drinks, I had a great night with her. We went back to my place and we were going to have sex and my PIED still got the best of me... Don't get hung up on your ex man.

It's kind of a dumb saying, but the more I think about it the more true I really feel about it.. "You call them your ex, for a reason.."

-Johnny

 

[LS90]

I was somewhat in your shoes at one point.. I was having great sex with my ex, we broke up. I went on a binge of PMO and then I finally started dating and seeing other girls and that's what I realized what PMO had been doing to me all these years.. At one point I had met back up with that ex. We went out, we had some drinks, I had a great night with her. We went back to my place and we were going to have sex and my PIED still got the best of me... Don't get hung up on your ex man.

It's kind of a dumb saying, but the more I think about it the more true I really feel about it.. "You call them your ex, for a reason.."

-Johnny

Well, the story is much more complicated to explain. We've been together for...5 years roughly, in the past 8.5 years. We've had quite a few relationships in the middle and always went back looking for each other. Last time we split up mostly because of my actions. I've always been extremely selfish and I think PMO addiction influenced my behaviour. Some days I didn't want to see her because I had PMO'd or I was scheduling our time together according to my PMO schedule. While studying I tended to go on a PMO binge and made up excuses to not see her, sometimes even for more than 8-10 days.. Having deliberately fights to have time to study.. and PMO. That's the human being I was and I don't want ever ever ever ever again to be.  That's why I couldn't say no, I feel like I've been a shitty boyfriend and she still longs for me. If that's not love, I don't know what it is.

Sorry for the rant!  :-[

 

[LS90]

..I've had a vivid dream of waking up after masturbating and O'ing. Had to clean myself, took some napkins from the cupboard and then went back to bed.

I thought it was a dream, but then I realised that I had indeed MO'd while sleeping when I woke up and found some of the used napkins thrown around the room.. I've had sexsomnia instances in the recent past (with three different girls) but I've never noticed it by myself.. First time that happens.  ???

I also have noticed lately (past 2-3 months) I have more troubles resting and despite sleeping more than 8 hours a day I always look tired as if I hadn't slept well. I always look like a zombie..

 

[marsturm]

Hello LS90, Can you share what MO'ing does to you in your reboot? I have been free of PMO for 22 days, and a few days ago, due to a raging boner at night, I MO'ed. (Actually thought my erection was a "cured sign"...) It didn't really feel like a relapse into PMO, and it affected me the next day: A rise in social anxiety and I was more prone to wanting to watch P again. What have your experiences been? Thanks for sharing, mate.