Kubrickian said:
I keep finding faults and lusting after others, also my fetishes are too extreme for your everyday girl and I worry that I'll feel I'm missing out on something I want and have tried before and know I shouldn't have to do without
Hey there,
Have hope.
This is about porn. What you are describing (in quoation above) is what porn did to you. And to many of us.
I'm on the same bus as you with regard to that. I kept finding faults with my wife (I'd prefer not to be specific, but you can PM me if you wan't to know) and is still happens on worse days, even though lots of guys find her extremely attractive.
It's so pointless it beggars belief. Yet this is what the addiction does to us - have you read on YBOP about the sensitization and desensitization mechanisms? It's all about that.
I've watched P since a very young age, for a very long time, intensively, and having no real sex or love life as a benchmark. I had massive ED, still have PE due to that. I'm slowly rewiring, slowly.
But hey. There is a better life and it's worth it.
If you want to know where to find comprehensive recovery information, PM me.
J.
PS. How did the fun meet go? Was it fun?