Prostitute strippers- as bad as porn?

[itsoverboyo]

Coming on 1.5 years into my reboot. Severe, severe multi decade porn addiction that ruined my life. Became able to get an erection with a woman a few months into my reboot. Unfortunately, have not met or connected with any women and been able to have sex. So I started sleeping with strippers. Basically, you go to the strip club, they come by and when you see one you like you take them to the back room and get a BJ and fuck them for a few hundred bucks. The depression caught up with me and the loneliness and lack of ability to meet women during my reboot for sex, and the urges just became strong enough that I started engaging in this stupid behavior. I have used ED drugs at times but I don't think I actually need them, more as an insurance policy given that you really NEED to perform or you will waste your money. How bad of a habit is this for my recovery? I've slid downhill.. started smoking a lot of weed and doing this, and I feel as if it is destroying all of my gains. My dick does work at least now, but the problem is that I don't see this getting me anywhere. It's just difficult to cope with the fact that I can't connect with the vast majority of women and when the depression and loneliness gets bad, this form of 'real life porn' seems to be a temporary outlet. But of course, it leads to more and more depression and loneliness. I also tend to feel a lot better when retaining my seed, and I don't feel much different from prostitute sex than I did when i was fapping to porn. The post nut malaise feeling is just the same. Maybe it would be different with someone I cared about, unfortunately haven't had the opportunity to find out. I have tried AD medications and none of them work. Every orgasm is sending me into flatlines again, bad flatlines that last at least a few days. Reminds me of my porn addiction days. I can't tell if this is because of the partner choices or if this is a medical problem in which I will flatline no matter how deep the connection is.

Input would be appreciated. Thanks.

 

[My husband is an addict]

Hi itsoverboyo,
Well, I can`t answer from an addicts perspective, but I can answer from the womans side. My husband watched porn and magazines for decades and I was the one to pay most of the prices. If you continue to read what I write be warned that I am going to be what some might take as brutally honest. I just see it as truth.
It`s my opinion that what you are choosing to do is definitly not good for you in anyway. I have been helping my husband through his addiction for almost 11 months now. So, I have some knowledge about it.
Even if you don`t realize it, you are telling yourself that you are not worthy of a healthy, loving relationship. A loving, caring woman doesn`t deserve a man that can just go have sex with random strangers and the majority of us don`t respect men that can/do. She deserves a man that respects himself enough to not do something like that. You have to respect yourself first and foremost. There is far more to life than having an orgasm. That is not to say that you can`t change your behavior and your thinking and then be worthy. No good woman deserves what you would do to them. I never deserved what my husband has put me through.
As a living breathing human being you deserve to be loved, but when you do things that are wrong and they inturn make you feel bad about yourself, you will not attract a good woman. How you feel about yourself deep inside comes through and others can sense it. I knew 26 years ago that my husband didn`t respect himself, but I couldn`t put my finger on it. Now his monster has a name.
I`m not sure if anyof that makes sense to you. Please know that I am not trying to be offensive, so if I am I apologize. I just felt that you might need to hear it from a woman`s perspective.

 

[Michael89]

I can empathize with your depression. I’ve dealt with many of those emotions as I regularly see escorts and have given up on trying to connect with “regular” women. I don’t know what is more depressing only having escorts as an outlet, or enduring constant rejection if you do pursue a woman. For me my solution is to start traveling and using my passport to meet women who hopefully I can connect with.

 

[Simon2]

We are all human being with needs. If you are alone, meaning you are not cheating on anyone, then I don't think there's fundamentally anything wrong with paying for sex once in a while. I don't think that's the same as indulging in a P addiction. I mean, most people don't want to have sexless lives, and so if you don't have a partner, do you just have to live without it? I don't think so. HOWEVER - One huge problem is that this is a pretty dark world, with a lot women who have been trafficked, are in abusive relationships, etc. You need to be the judge whether you are potentially taking advantage of a woman who is not there by her own free will... Often there are ways to tell I think? Better safe than sorry though. And ALWAYS respect the woman you are with and her boundaries.

But beyond that is another issue that @My husband is an addict raised. How can you meet a real woman when you are seeing prositutes? Most women don't want a man who is doing that. I don't think most men would want a woman who's paying money to have sex with male prostitutes either... It is also taking away your energy from pursuing a real relationship. Maybe using a dating app to meet some people for coffee or a walk... because there IS someone out there for you!

Finally ask yourself how you feel after you pay for sex. Do you feel good that you got laid? Or do you just feel like shit? If it doesn't agree with your own moral values then you should stop it. Because then it does the same as the addiction to P - it debases you, makes you feel worthless, dirty, guilty etc - and that is bad for your mental health and definitely the wrong energy to attract that great REAL woman to you!

 

[Michael89]

We are all human being with needs. If you are alone, meaning you are not cheating on anyone, then I don't think there's fundamentally anything wrong with paying for sex once in a while. I don't think that's the same as indulging in a P addiction. I mean, most people don't want to have sexless lives, and so if you don't have a partner, do you just have to live without it? I don't think so. HOWEVER - One huge problem is that this is a pretty dark world, with a lot women who have been trafficked, are in abusive relationships, etc. You need to be the judge whether you are potentially taking advantage of a woman who is not there by her own free will... Often there are ways to tell I think? Better safe than sorry though. And ALWAYS respect the woman you are with and her boundaries.

But beyond that is another issue that @My husband is an addict raised. How can you meet a real woman when you are seeing prositutes? Most women don't want a man who is doing that. I don't think most men would want a woman who's paying money to have sex with male prostitutes either... It is also taking away your energy from pursuing a real relationship. Maybe using a dating app to meet some people for coffee or a walk... because there IS someone out there for you!

Finally ask yourself how you feel after you pay for sex. Do you feel good that you got laid? Or do you just feel like shit? If it doesn't agree with your own moral values then you should stop it. Because then it does the same as the addiction to P - it debases you, makes you feel worthless, dirty, guilty etc - and that is bad for your mental health and definitely the wrong energy to attract that great REAL woman to you!

I know this comment isn’t directed at me, but I know for example I’ve tried many of those methods over the years. I’m 33, in my early 20’s I was primarily about approaching women in the malls and grocery stories, and on my college campus. And last fall I decided to seriously invest in online dating. I have also over the last decade tried to cultivate relationships with women of interest at my jobs(not a good idea). Overall for me it’s all been a waste of time. I find the majority of western women no different than your average woman walking the Las Vegas strip after midnight. The latter is atleast more honest. But hey to each his own, I’ll stick to sex workers until I can get out of North America and meet women of other countries and walks of life.

 

[DTournesol]

@My husband is an addict 's answer is really nice and insightful, especially coming from a woman's perspective on this addiction.

I would also like to add that, besides the moral reasons mentioned and your own implicit devaluation of self-worth (which are already quite serious), having sex with prostitutes can be really bad for your recovery at the addiction level as well.

I know that a lot of times people advocate for dealing with porn addiction by rewiring to real sex, but in reality prostitutes resemble many elements that are associated to this addiction. Fantasies, extreme visual stimulation, promiscuity, orgasms, and even even power and control are often found in both porn and prostitution. All of these elements can act as triggers and reinforce the addictive pathways in your brain. And of course, there's a high likelihood that you transition into a sex addiction, which in many aspects can be even worse (financially, in terms of your physical and mental health, etc.).

I personally fell into this trap a couple of years ago, and I can honestly say that such sex addiction developed quite rapidly and strongly, without any prior desire for it and quite unconsciously. I believe many others have experienced a similar situation.

In general, having sex - with anyone - as an emotional management strategy, can be detrimental to our health. People that report long-term successful recoveries tend to be the ones that seek an emotionally healthy relationship and intimacy with a real partner.

 

[Thisworld]

Coming on 1.5 years into my reboot. Severe, severe multi decade porn addiction that ruined my life. Became able to get an erection with a woman a few months into my reboot. Unfortunately, have not met or connected with any women and been able to have sex. So I started sleeping with strippers. Basically, you go to the strip club, they come by and when you see one you like you take them to the back room and get a BJ and fuck them for a few hundred bucks. The depression caught up with me and the loneliness and lack of ability to meet women during my reboot for sex, and the urges just became strong enough that I started engaging in this stupid behavior. I have used ED drugs at times but I don't think I actually need them, more as an insurance policy given that you really NEED to perform or you will waste your money. How bad of a habit is this for my recovery? I've slid downhill.. started smoking a lot of weed and doing this, and I feel as if it is destroying all of my gains. My dick does work at least now, but the problem is that I don't see this getting me anywhere. It's just difficult to cope with the fact that I can't connect with the vast majority of women and when the depression and loneliness gets bad, this form of 'real life porn' seems to be a temporary outlet. But of course, it leads to more and more depression and loneliness. I also tend to feel a lot better when retaining my seed, and I don't feel much different from prostitute sex than I did when i was fapping to porn. The post nut malaise feeling is just the same. Maybe it would be different with someone I cared about, unfortunately haven't had the opportunity to find out. I have tried AD medications and none of them work. Every orgasm is sending me into flatlines again, bad flatlines that last at least a few days. Reminds me of my porn addiction days. I can't tell if this is because of the partner choices or if this is a medical problem in which I will flatline no matter how deep the connection is.

Input would be appreciated. Thanks.

Hey man, I remember you had a problem with sex initiating flatlines, how is going now on that front?

 

[Phineas 808]

While we don't endorse nor promote illegal activity on this forum, such as prostitution, sex with real women is far more preferable than the fake fantasy that is pornography.

There is rebooting- which is primarily abstinence- but then there is rewiring, which is to retrain (or reform) the brain into connecting with real-life women, particularly our significant others, which is far more than sex.

Our hope is to find that significant other, and to not only have sex with them, but to connect on deep emotional levels.

So, while I wouldn't equate interactions with real women (legal or otherwise) with pornography, I would say that in order to meet your overall goal of having a real relationship with a significant other, it may not serve you to seek out sexual experiences with women that exclude the emotional factor.

Perhaps focus on setting your sexual urges aside for now (difficult as this may be), and seek to meet women on the emotional plane first- like others have suggested above- and then, if it moves on from there into a more meaningful connection, than good for you.