New to this. Looking for support and some advice. Also have a few questions.

[anon123456]

Hi Guys,

I have struggled with porn for the last 7 or so years of my life.  I'm 25 years old now and I'm making a commitment to stop.  I have a few questions but want to share my story first for some background.  Porn was always used as a de-stresser and a 'downer'.

I started looking at porn late in high school, when i was like 18 years old.  I used porn about 3-4 days a week but some months I would go only 4 times using porn. Throughout college the porn use continued and increased sometimes twice a day but always only a few days a week. During college I ended up dating a girl for about 6-7 months.  I struggled to keep an erection at times but always attributed it to bad luck with condoms as I was able to go with no issue when not using them and my girl was on BC.  After graduating college I went for a period of time where porn was my main stimulant and I had a few random flings in between but nothing concrete.  In the last year my life started to change a little bit but the porn use didn't change much.  In the spring I had a girl that I was sleeping with consistently and rarely had any issues.  Only 1 time when using a condom.  Again I attributed it to the condom.  My porn usage in the last 5 months decreased to 2-3 times a week with long spurts 2-3 weeks of not looking at it at all.  I always used it as a de-stresser.

Anyway in the last month and a half I began dating this awesome girl.  The first few times we had sex I had no issue keeping a hard erection.  I then started to look at porn 2-3 times a week. A couple of weeks ago I lost my erection during sex.  I thought nothing of it no big deal.  Next time we went at it no issues.  Then it happened like 2-3 times in a row.  After this last happening last week I did some research on porn and some of the dangers and I'm thinking it might be porn induced ED.  Since last week I haven't looked at porn and haven't masturbated.  Going on 5 days now.  I'm committed to beating porn and masturbation because this girl is special and I know the tension that the issues are causing on the relationship.

Because of the on/off feeling of libido i'm having i'm not sure if this is performance anxiety or PIED.  I made a decision to tell her today that I've struggled with porn and masturbation in my life and I think it may be contributing to what has recently been happening.  This floored her and she needed some space to understand.  At first I said that because of this I wanted to try to take a break from sex to heal up a little bit.  She took this equally as hard but after talking it out more she is willing to put the brakes on sex for a few weeks to try and give me a little time to recover. I explained that I really needed her support throughout the process and how much it means to be able to tell her about it.

My question is what are the chances that it is performance anxiety?  I do know that in my head i've been making it this huge task that I have to last a certain period of time and that I have to do it a certain way and etc etc.  I know that these things are from porn and masturbation and that my outlook on sex is warped.  I'm fighting my brain to look at sex with my GF as an enjoyable and affectionate act and try to stay in the moment.  The times I was able to the ED was non existent and the sex was great.  The feels and sensations are just amazing.

Also what are the chances that I can fully reboot while still having sex with my GF?  We are very affectionate with each other besides just sex and at some point in the next few weeks she's going to want to have sex, she is free with her body and sex and has a high sex drive. I'm also going to want to because I still want to have sex with her just seeing her laying next to me but the guy downstairs doesn't want to cooperate. 

What are your thoughts guys & gals? Thanks in advance for any insight & help provided.

 

[qrayzHD]

It sounds like PIED to me, anyone who started viewing fast paced internet porn at a young age and for a long period of time is at risk of developing sexual dysfunctions. As for being intimate with your GF that will speed up rewiring, i would stick to touching and 4play until you are confident that having sex wont lead to a porn relapse afterwards.

 

[Mbg]

It does sound like porn induced ED, I suffered from the same thing as well as contributing it to other factors like condoms or alcohol.  From your background, it doesn't sound as though you have broken promises to yourself about quitting porn, at least you seemed relaxed in your attempts to quit before.  To me, a porn addict is someone who's porn use has made their life unmanageable, who has made conscious efforts to stop on their own and were unable to.  If porn use has interfered with personal relationships and in some cases, put ones self into risky situations then I see it as addiction.  Good luck with your reboot and if you start to feel heavy withdrawals or are having a hard time maintaining sobriety there are other avenues aside from this forum that I recommend. 

 

[anon123456]

Thanks for the responses guys!

I agree that what i'm dealing with may not necessarily be addiction.  This is my first time putting my foot down and actually committing to quitting.  So far the withdrawal symptoms have been manageable for me.  I was talking this out with my GF and we decided to continue having sex.  The way I'm looking at it Porn is bad and shouldn't be in my life but sex is completely natural and as long as I can curb my urges I should be alright.  The last urge I had to jerk off I just had her come over and we had sex instead.  I think that's going to help with the rewiring. So far I haven't had increased urges or increased withdrawal symptoms as a result of sex so I'm hoping it stays that way.

I'm still very early in the process so i'm taking it slowly.

 

[p.enlightenment]

One thing to watch out for. Sex during reboot should be fine but watch out for porn thoughts. Make sure you're not thinking about porn or imagining your girlfriend in porn like scenarios during sex. This happens sometimes and is counter-productive to a reboot as this will keep your brain in porn mode and make it easy to slip at any time. So you'll want to make sure you're fully present in the sex.

Also, there will be times when you have an urge and your girlfriend isn't available or wanting of sex. It's inevitable. That's why it's important to have other solutions. When I get an urge I relieve stress by running, working out, meditating, writing. You can find non-sexual things to substitute with instead. This is really important because if we depend on sex every time an urge comes up we are bound to fall back to porn at some point.

Stay strong and good luck!

 

[anon123456]

Not sure how to quote on this forum.  But I agree about the fact that my girl won't always be available.  My comments about replacing urges with sex was just more for when it is available.  I'll definitely be replacing my urges with more productive things.  There are a bunch of books i've been wanting to read so the free time should help there. 

It's something that I never want to go back to. 

 

[Viper]

One thing to watch out for. Sex during reboot should be fine but watch out for porn thoughts. Make sure you're not thinking about porn or imagining your girlfriend in porn like scenarios during sex. This happens sometimes and is counter-productive to a reboot as this will keep your brain in porn mode and make it easy to slip at any time. So you'll want to make sure you're fully present in the sex.

Also, there will be times when you have an urge and your girlfriend isn't available or wanting of sex. It's inevitable. That's why it's important to have other solutions. When I get an urge I relieve stress by running, working out, meditating, writing. You can find non-sexual things to substitute with instead. This is really important because if we depend on sex every time an urge comes up we are bound to fall back to porn at some point.

Stay strong and good luck!

I think this is very important point that most people overlook.
It's what our thoughts are even if we can get our ding ding up to perform  8)

 

[p.enlightenment]

Not sure how to quote on this forum.  But I agree about the fact that my girl won't always be available.  My comments about replacing urges with sex was just more for when it is available.  I'll definitely be replacing my urges with more productive things.  There are a bunch of books i've been wanting to read so the free time should help there. 

It's something that I never want to go back to.

That's a great idea, I did a lot of reading too in all my new found free time

You're doing an awesome job, keep up the good work!