Hey everyone, new here. I actually came across Noah's website back in 2016 and this forum as well, but just brushed it off. However, I've come to realize that having community and accountability makes all the difference--and I'm hoping to make it a lasting one this time.
I'm 24, male and have been struggling with P for many years. Like many others, I started watching at age 10, then began PMO at age 13. In high school, I became very disconnected from my passions/ who I really am, along with having issues at home which all led me to be pretty depressed, and I used P heavily as my drug to numb the feelings. At 18 is when I first experienced PIED right at the start of college which made me realize how badly I was addicted. I woke up one morning and my dick was just dead and libido just plummeted. Also, didn't have any real sexual experience until right before my PIED in college.
In the two years following that, I would repeatedly go 2 weeks-1 month without watching which was very hard for me to do, then eventually relapse (PMO), I never made it to the 90 day mark until 2019 at age 21. Although I would go these time periods without P I would use social media and youtube heavily and fantasize as well, which would lead straight back to P then PMO. I felt a lot of shame and disgust with myself at this time, which led me to never pursuing any partners in college as I feared my ED would pop up and I wouldn't be able to please them sexually. I just assumed every girl would want sex right away and I couldn't give that.
After this period I had a stomach issue which led me to avoiding many foods that would trigger my stomach sensitivities, I basically became malnourished and therefore my testosterone and everything else was at a flatline. Even if I were to scroll social media and go on girls profiles, I wouldn't feel any arousal, and therefore took this as a sign that I was healed! (lol)
But after the stomach issue subsided early this year, and I began eating again, my libido/testosterone had gone up a bit and BOOM!! Came back the thoughts of wanting to fantasize about girls seen on social media/tv/youtube, and eventually PMO. I had PMO'd twice I believe since this, around March-April of this year, but after going so long without even watching/searching P, I feel disgusted by it and haven't watched since.
However, I still kept browsing instagram accounts and would fantasize. Or even fantasize about real life people or previous P scenes I'd seen years ago, and eventually MO, about 6-7 times since April. (Many wet dreams as well, but usually after an evening of fantasizing at some point which would come back up in my dreams)
I would tell myself that it is just MO and therefore it's not as bad, however, I never fully rebooted and rewired properly and my symptoms since my PIED back in 2016 like numb testicles and lack of arousal with real people have never fully gone away.
SO, with all this said, I am looking to go into a hardmode reboot for .as long as it takes. Nothing artificial or any practices that reinforce the addiction pathways, no fantasizing, and I plan on no longer checking social media (scrolling/searching) or youtube and fully focus on LIVING.
Working on my job certification, spending time hanging with Real people, and getting better at my craft/hobby which is art. I've read in success stories repeatedly that staying busy and just hanging with people in person makes huge difference so that's what I intend on doing.
Since 2016, I have not actively gone out of my way to meet new people/make friends or hone my craft consistently**. At recent functions, I realized how this has manifested into my anxiety--especially social anxiety. I struggle to feel like I fully connect with people (even with existing friends) so I'm trying to break out of this to have a more fulfilling social life/life in general. I am quite introverted but I was never this awkward as a kid before my addiction had ramped up, so I'm trying to get back to that.
I hope that I can eventually get into dating someone who I can fully connect with romantically and rewire with. No longer having low libido with real people, numb balls and PIED--that is my ultimate goal.
I plan on posting here with updates, maybe every 2 weeks to a month to hold myself accountable and stay on track!
Hope anyone reading this who's just discovered they have the addiction just goes All In with the reboot now, unlike me who saw this very page a whole 6 YEARS AGO and didn't take it seriously and I am right back here.
I'm 24, male and have been struggling with P for many years. Like many others, I started watching at age 10, then began PMO at age 13. In high school, I became very disconnected from my passions/ who I really am, along with having issues at home which all led me to be pretty depressed, and I used P heavily as my drug to numb the feelings. At 18 is when I first experienced PIED right at the start of college which made me realize how badly I was addicted. I woke up one morning and my dick was just dead and libido just plummeted. Also, didn't have any real sexual experience until right before my PIED in college.
In the two years following that, I would repeatedly go 2 weeks-1 month without watching which was very hard for me to do, then eventually relapse (PMO), I never made it to the 90 day mark until 2019 at age 21. Although I would go these time periods without P I would use social media and youtube heavily and fantasize as well, which would lead straight back to P then PMO. I felt a lot of shame and disgust with myself at this time, which led me to never pursuing any partners in college as I feared my ED would pop up and I wouldn't be able to please them sexually. I just assumed every girl would want sex right away and I couldn't give that.
After this period I had a stomach issue which led me to avoiding many foods that would trigger my stomach sensitivities, I basically became malnourished and therefore my testosterone and everything else was at a flatline. Even if I were to scroll social media and go on girls profiles, I wouldn't feel any arousal, and therefore took this as a sign that I was healed! (lol)
But after the stomach issue subsided early this year, and I began eating again, my libido/testosterone had gone up a bit and BOOM!! Came back the thoughts of wanting to fantasize about girls seen on social media/tv/youtube, and eventually PMO. I had PMO'd twice I believe since this, around March-April of this year, but after going so long without even watching/searching P, I feel disgusted by it and haven't watched since.
However, I still kept browsing instagram accounts and would fantasize. Or even fantasize about real life people or previous P scenes I'd seen years ago, and eventually MO, about 6-7 times since April. (Many wet dreams as well, but usually after an evening of fantasizing at some point which would come back up in my dreams)
I would tell myself that it is just MO and therefore it's not as bad, however, I never fully rebooted and rewired properly and my symptoms since my PIED back in 2016 like numb testicles and lack of arousal with real people have never fully gone away.
SO, with all this said, I am looking to go into a hardmode reboot for .as long as it takes. Nothing artificial or any practices that reinforce the addiction pathways, no fantasizing, and I plan on no longer checking social media (scrolling/searching) or youtube and fully focus on LIVING.
Working on my job certification, spending time hanging with Real people, and getting better at my craft/hobby which is art. I've read in success stories repeatedly that staying busy and just hanging with people in person makes huge difference so that's what I intend on doing.
Since 2016, I have not actively gone out of my way to meet new people/make friends or hone my craft consistently**. At recent functions, I realized how this has manifested into my anxiety--especially social anxiety. I struggle to feel like I fully connect with people (even with existing friends) so I'm trying to break out of this to have a more fulfilling social life/life in general. I am quite introverted but I was never this awkward as a kid before my addiction had ramped up, so I'm trying to get back to that.
I hope that I can eventually get into dating someone who I can fully connect with romantically and rewire with. No longer having low libido with real people, numb balls and PIED--that is my ultimate goal.
I plan on posting here with updates, maybe every 2 weeks to a month to hold myself accountable and stay on track!
Hope anyone reading this who's just discovered they have the addiction just goes All In with the reboot now, unlike me who saw this very page a whole 6 YEARS AGO and didn't take it seriously and I am right back here.