No no NO NOT again

[makeItStop]

I feel absolutely horrible, so low and drained that I can't take this any more. I feel inadequate for girls so I don't want to meet them or even speak to them half the time because my body isn't the way I want it to be muscle and body fat wise and this drives me to PMO over gay/tranny stuff and I feel I'll mess it up and sex won't work etc. I don't want to workout and eat right to get my body where I want it to be because it's so easy to just PMO to gay thoughts, pictures or whatever and feel awesome in the moment. I relapsed tonight and I took pictures of myself and wanted to post them on craigslist on a gay ad. It turned me on so much that it made me feel so bad afterwards, why the fuck do I have to feel this way and be able to get turned on by this shit.  I am not gay yet I feel like I'll never get rid of these thoughts and urges, I have had suicidal thoughts and it sucks, I really want this horrible stuff to end.  I have a good career and I'm a decent looking guy but I just feel so broken, dysfunctional and anxious.

I got to 70+ days a few weeks ago and I really felt that was it, I was finally making good progress and was on my way to be normal again. I didn't have much anxiety and I wasn't feeling depressed. I was attracted to girls more than ever and I wanted to start meeting up once I sorted out my body in the gym. But then I started overly browsing FB, POF and Tinder. Please guys, I need your help here...... I'm losing my fucking mind over this. I am so depressed and feel like shit. My sleeping pattern is all over the place and I have no motivation to do anything, like I said I don't want to meet up with girls even though I have quite a few who want to meet me, I don't want to hang out with my friends or anything either. I think this all stems from self-esteem issues, I'm a fairly well muscled guy but I'm not fully happy with my body yet. Is this the root of my issues and PMO'ing??

I don't want to speak with people, go buy clothes, eat right and stuff I just want to laze around, sleep, eat junk food and PMO which is no way to live. Before anyone asks, I've been to the doctor and they said I'm just a little shy and need more practice being around people which is fine.

 

[Username]

You made it to more than 70 days! Some guys around here would go crazy over such an achievement. And you want to let one relapse ruin all of that success? Don't let it do that to you!
What happened after that? Did you let your guard down? Was there a special incident that depressed you? Or was it just complacency? Tell us, because by explaining it to us, you explain it to yourself and might get some more insight about what was going on.
As for your other issues: Irrespective of your physical shape, you mustn't base your self-confidence only on that particular factor. Doing that is going to get you nowhere since you'll most likely keep a vulnerable spot and never reach lasting confidence. Learn to accept yourself, I can't stress that point enough. You are what and who you are, sometimes more and sometimes less than that. You have outstanding and less outstanding traits. Write them down if it helps you thinking about them. Remind yourself that unhealthy focus on bodies is not for women only - nowadays a lot of pressure is put on men as well, and it's in no respect different from the female counterpart. If your insecurity towards your body is the major driver in your depression, you might want to look for people who have the same problem and or even get professional help.
Anyway, long story short: You can do even better than those 70 days, provided that you face the root of the problem.

 

[datkid93]

Don't go down that road man. I can relate my escalation was partly due to self esteem issues and low confidence with girls. Led me down a path I'd hate for anybody to go down. It's not worth it learn to improve your self and develop your self confidence.  Had I realized this 2-3 years ago I wouldn't be here rn....

 

[cc19]

Are you still Masturbating and fantasying about fetishes?  If so this has to stop as just stopping internet porn will not allow your brain to reboot because those images are engraved in your brain and by thinking about them it is basically like watching porn.  Give this a try and see how it pans out.  Good luck man stay strong you will get over this.