Can't value my achievements.

[CodeTheMind]

I have a problem when it comes to valuing my achievements and I was wondering if it might be due to the high expectations porn induced to my life.

For example, I was feeling sad for the quality of the few relationships I've had in my life. I wrote the name of every woman I had a relationship with and got depressed at how short and disastrous those relationships were, but in reality I know there are many things of those relationships that I could appreciate. But I just can't. The negative aspects overcome the good. I should value and be thankful for those relationships and appreciate the experiences and opportunities but I always end up reaching the conclusion that I did not experience those relationships at their fullest. I have a mentality of I want more, I should have every woman I want to, I should have unlimited access to sexual and romantic success.

The way I see it is that this is the mindset one has with porn. I mean, with porn you have the opportunity to choose between any of those women in the videos and have them whenever you want and as many times as well. It is of course a fantasy but that fantasy seems quite real to the brain. It is an internet harem.

And then real life hits and you just are an average dude and not an Otoman Sultan, Genghis Khan or Leonardo Di Caprio...and any success you might have had or will have is nothing compared to porn induced expectations and you end up not being able to value anything of your life. This is what happens to me.

Is this normal? It is possible to overcome? Any insight?

 

[CodeTheMind]

After re-reading what I wrote I arrive to the conclusion that my high and unrealistic expectations were definitely influenced by porn use since a young age. Plus some other socio-cultural factors.

To be honest when thinking about it I feel bad for having those instant gratification desires and harem fantasies. And I also have unrealistic expectations for love and romance, this I think it is also porn related because even though porn is not about love when I was very young and watched it I associated what I saw with love.

Now I want to be goal oriented and seek direct ways to solve this. I need to change my perspective and try to understand and value...and I still don't know how! I wonder if I really need to metaphorically hit and shake myself to know how damaging it is to have such unrealistic expectations. I am aware of all of this from a logical perspective but emotionally deep down I am not!